The Chaos of Time
by Kiragirl17
Summary: Sequel to Malfunctioning Time. Toni finds herself struggling to keep her head above water as she suffers from panic attacks. She keeps seeing Barnes everywhere, and no matter what she does, she can't get him off her mind. Steve isn't sure who he can trust, when the world keeps changing. Whatever happens it can't be good, especially when the Winter Soldier has an interest in Toni.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel or make any money from this. I just get enjoyment from this.

Anyhow, here is Part two of the **_The Changing Tide of Time_** series. I would recommend that you read Part 1: **Malfunctioning Time** before you read this.

In Part two: We will focus on two Movies: Iron Man 3 and Captain America: Winter Soldier, so most likely this will be a long ass story, so i hope you enjoy the long read.

Summary:

Toni Stark was and will never be any good at sharing her emotions. To her, emotions were a sign of weakness, and she keeps them hidden instead. After her journey to the past, something snapped inside of her, opening her up to things that she never thought was possible. Now, she's in a relationship that she never thought was possible, and in a good way, Captain Steven Rogers challenges her in every way.

However, she finds herself struggling to keep her head above water as she suffers from panic attacks that only seem to get worse. She keeps seeing Barnes everywhere, and no matter what she does, she can't get him off her mind. How can she save the President from the Mandarin when all she sees is death? That a mere thought could send her into a panic attack? That she seemed to have picked up a shadow?

How can Steve help Toni, when he struggles to admit his own weakness? How can he help anyone when he is all over the planet on endless SHIELD missions? Steven Grant Rogers isn't sure how he can protect the woman he loves, when he's lost in his own head. Everything around him is ever changing, and he doesn't know how to handle that. To make matter worse, he isn't sure who to trust when the Winter Soldier suddenly appears, but he knows whatever happens it can't be good, especially when the Winter Soldier has an interest in Toni. Seriously, why does he seem focused on her? Whatever the reason, Steve doesn't like it one bit. Not one bit.

* * *

 **The Chaos of Time**

 **Chapter 1:**

 **An Evening Walk**

* * *

It was around midnight, but the streets were anything but quiet. They were anything but dark. New York was a very loud city, and even at this hour, there were still hundreds of cars and trucks passing by on these streets. There were police sirens blasting, waking any sleeping person or persons, as cop cars were flying down these streets. Even the buildings were alive, as images were flashed against them. Plasma Screens plastered the skyscrapers flashes burr after burr and color after color, and these buildings were humming. They hummed as if they were live, which was what called a certain genius out even if it was unwise to go out at this hour.

Bars and clubs were still open and going strong; music was blasting, coming out into the streets from the numerous doors. People loitered in the streets and on the sidewalks, going from one place to place, and none of these people were quiet. Most were drunk or close to drunk, and they could barely walk, though none of them seem like they wanted to go home. No one wanted to go to sleep, even if they were already halfway there. These were the funny people, even if they were annoying to all hell.

However, it was the other people that you had to worry about. There were the quiet, sober people, who was had other ideas on their minds beside careless fun. These people weren't outright violent, but they could be if put in the right circumstance. These others were criminals, either drug dealers, prostitutes, robbers, etc., and what made them dangerous was that they were trying to make a living. They were willing to do whatever they needed as they had no other choice, which made them dangerous.

Toni Stark had always been a night owl, awaking up noon and sleeping at odd hours. Most of the time, she didn't go to bed until the sun was coming up, and when she did go to bed, it was usually only for a few hours. She didn't care who had an issue with it, as it was when she did her best thinking. It was when she felt the most free, but it was also when she felt alone. Alone to think…granted with Toni that wasn't always a good thing, but she was alone to be herself. To drop her mask. To be free of judgement.

In the past when she didn't want to be alone, the old Toni would go out to some random bar, get drunk, and pick up some random, hot (unless she had on her beer goggles on) guy with one thing in mind: Sex. Back then, it was the one thing that could make her feel anything. It was the one thing that distract her mind from the pain, and for those few hours, Toni was happy. However, it didn't last, and she ended feeling worse than she did before.

She wasn't sure if it was because her mind wouldn't shut off, and even before the nightmares, it never shut off. She would wake up every few hours with some new idea that she couldn't get off her mind, and she couldn't get back to sleep until it was completed. If she was honest with herself which she rarely was, there was another reason why she couldn't sleep. It was her doubt and loneliness. Sure, she had Pepper, Happy, and Rhodey, but they weren't always enough, and when they left as they always did, she was alone. Painfully alone. It hard to go to sleep when there was no one wake up to. No one to hold her when she needed it.

Then there were the nightmares that destroyed any chance of her sleeping, and now the nightmares had only gotten worst. She would woke up every few hours in a cold sweat with shivers running down her back, and even with Steve, she woke up alone. Unlike before, she couldn't get drunk at some bar and bring home some random guy, not that she wanted to. The idea of having sex with some stranger and waking up next to someone she didn't know didn't have the same draw as before. She didn't want that anymore, and it wasn't because she was in a committed relationship.

Okay, yes. That was one reason, but it wasn't the only reason. She didn't want one night stands anymore, and even if it scared the shit out of her, she wanted a long term committed relationship with Steve. Even with all the disagreements, she wanted him to be the one she turned to, the one she woke up to with bed hair. Even if it was battle to get the words out, she wanted to tell him everything. She may not be able to get the words out all of the time, but it was something for her to want to talk to him. To want to open up.

Tonight was no exception: she didn't want to be alone, but there was no one else in the tower, which was becoming more common with each passing month. Toni didn't blame Steve as he was Captain America, and he had a responsibility to the world. It was who he was, what he did, and Fury wasn't shy about sending him out at any chance he got much to her annoyance. However, Toni wasn't going to say anything, because she didn't want to be _that_ person. She didn't want to be like….Pepper. She could handle it.

Besides, it gave Toni something to poke fun at. She could and would joke about him having a second family in DC with some blonde (Or red- color didn't matter) from down the hall. Joke that he had some hot blonde that he could replace her with. That he _would_ replace her with. She ignored the ping in her heart every time she joked about it, because she refused to acknowledge that it hurt to think of him with someone else. Besides, it wasn't like there was a person…well that she knew of. Maybe, there was, and if there was, Toni wouldn't blame him. She was a handle full, a horrible partner. Maybe, the media was right. Maybe, he should listen to them.

However, on a night like this, she wished he was here. Here to tell her that her dreams were only nightmares. Dreams that she could control, but he wasn't here. He wasn't here to tell her that everything was okay. He was on some mission, and she was here _alone_. At first, Toni had gone down to her lab to work on one of the many suits that she was been creating, but she couldn't focus. Not Tonight. Their last fight had replayed in her head, and she was too guilty to design. Too guilty to lie which number she was currently, so she left a few seconds later.

Taking a page out of Steve's book, Toni decided to go for a run when she couldn't force herself to sleep. The second time she tried going to sleep, it only lasted for 20 minutes before she bolted up and out of bed in a cold sweat. She was shaking so badly that she had to do something. So in the middle of the night in the cold evening air, Toni put on a pair of running shoes, pants and a hoodie. She didn't care that it was past midnight or that there were shady people out, as she just needed to get out. She needed air.

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

After the first few blocks, Toni had lost track of how long she had been running for or how far she had gone, but if she had to judge by the number of people who flirted with her, she could guess that a few hours have past, that she had ran a few miles. She could feel her body protest as she pushed her body passed her limits. She was never the runner, never wanted to be, so this was a challenge. She could feel her legs tingle and her muscles contract. She had the urge to sit down and rest, but she refused to listen, refused to stop.

Toni had no interest in going back, even with the dropping temperature. She didn't care that her body was about to drop, and she even wished for it. Her nightmare—No Nightmares. Too many to count. She wasn't sure she wanted to count, but the number didn't matter, as the Nightmares—No matter the number- were still fresh in her head, and no matter what she did, she couldn't rid herself of _those_ feelings. Those feelings of being alone. Of being worthless. Of being weak. She still felt like even now when she was awake.

She was hoping that she could run those feelings away, but she still felt like she was falling. Falling to her death. Free falling was one of the scariest things in Toni's opinion, because it was a total loss of control. There was nothing that anyone could do to stop themselves from falling to their deaths. The only thing a person could do was watch, watch him or her fall, and while they fell, they got to imagine what their death would feel like before truly feeling it. For Toni, this nightmare was the worst, because she had experience it before. She had free-fallen over New York, and she had been completely helpless, unable to save herself. Unable to do anything, and that feeling was worse than death itself.

At least, she had the Hulk and Thor to save her, but the others weren't so lucky, which was what her nightmare reminded her. Halfway through her falling to her death, Bucky entered, replacing her, and she could do nothing but watch while he fell to his death, and that feeling was the worst. It was like someone had stabbed her in the heart repeatedly, and nothing she did could rid herself of that horrible feeling. She hated it.

"Stop it, Toni." Toni yelled at herself, as she jogged past a few drunk people. They might've said something to her, but the genius wasn't paying any attention. Her mind was a war zone, and it was struggle to focus on anything besides that nightmare crossing over into reality. This was where she wished that Steve was here, as he could always talk her down, even if all she did was throw insults at him. She was either nasty or a cry baby when she was like this, but he dealt with it all like the saint that he was. He was here for it all, protecting. Saving her… He really was a saint.

When Central Park came into sight, Toni slowed down to a trot. The thoughts were still there and she didn't want to stop, but she eyed the park, the only green spot in the city. It was where a lot of people went during the day for countless things, and it was where people relax, enjoying the sights. However, it wasn't the place to be at this hour, but for some reason, the genius made her way over to the park, ignoring the honking horns and insults throw at her.

"Oh, look who we have here. Didn't your mother tell you shouldn't go out alone in the dark?" A voice called out.

As the voice made Toni's skin crawl, she tried to ignore the man and walk deeper into the park. He was like everyone else on the street, throwing catcalls at her, but she didn't care- refused to care. They were just words, meaningless words, and they would not break through into her mind…though it might be a good thing. A distraction she needed.

"Hey, where do you think you are going?" the man asked, chasing after her. Toni shook her head and continued into the park, ignoring him following after her. "Hey, Hots Stuff."

Toni shook her head, as she let out a loud sigh. Why couldn't this guy leave her alone like the rest of crazies? Was he attracted to her crazy? She supposed it was her fault for being out this late. "Take a hint, and leave me alone," she snapped, stopping and turning around.

"You wouldn't want that," the man said, as he stepped toward her. He walked with a hop in his step as he was attempting to be cool. With the oversize clothes and sagging pants, it looked like trying too hard to be younger than he was. The tattoo on his face popped out at Toni as she tried to figure out what it was for a few long seconds. "A pretty little thing like yourself will only get hurt in Central Park at this time of night. There're scary things in here."

Central Park at night didn't scare her, as she was Iron Man, and she could call the Iron Man suit at any time. It was her nightmares that scared her. She could handle this joker, who didn't know who the hell he was talking to, and anyone who thought they could take her. "Why don't you go bother someone else," she hissed.

"It wouldn't be the gentlemen thing to do," he said, as he reached for her.

"You a gentlemen?" Acting quickly, she slapped his arm away, and before he could react, she did a rounding kick, hitting him hard in his chest. "Didn't your mother tell you to keep your hands to yourself? And whoever told you that boys will be boys was lying to you."

The man's smile fell, and anger took over. "You bitch," he yelled, as he got back to his feet. His fists were shaking at his side. "I was trying to be nice. Someone should teach you matters."

Toni's eyes twitched. Why did everyone keep telling her that? She had enough matters, thank you very much. "Listen, Buddy. I am not in the mood, so why don't you get going," she said. "Or stay and I kick your ass."

The man stepped forward to grab Toni, but before he could reach her, the genius threw a punch at his nose. He stumbled back, trying to catch his balance, but Toni didn't let up. She dropped to the ground and kicked his feet out of his legs. For a second, he didn't move as if he was in disbelief. "Y-You," the man hissed from the ground.

Toni jumped to her feet and stepped toward the hooligan. "Do you know who I am?" she demanded, her voice cold. She wasn't sure if it was because of the ass in front of her or her throbbing shoulder. The sudden movement flexed her muscles uncomfortably. For a second, she wished she hadn't asked Romanoff to train her, but if it wasn't for the kick ass moves that the assassin had shown her, Toni would've regretted the training with the Black Widow.

The Gangster-want-a-be looked up at her, his eyes narrowing. He didn't answer as if he didn't know how to speak, or maybe he didn't know what to say. It was possible that he didn't know who she was, as the lighting was anything but decent. There were barely any light, too dark to make out any features, so it was possible.

"Why don't you walk away with your tail between your legs before you get hurt?" She said, glaring. With the dropping temperature and a raw shoulder, she now wanted to go back to the tower.

The man pushed himself up, slowly getting to his feet. His eyes weren't on her, looking past her at something. He looked almost scared, but Toni didn't look back to see what he was looking at. He would probably jump her once she turned her back. "You're not worth it," he snapped, before he turned and walked away. Still not looking behind her, Toni watched him walk away, before she turned back toward Central Park.

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

There were some scantily dressed women in the park to Toni's surprise, granted she supposed why they were though she kept wondering why in this weather. She could _hear_ them, which was a clue enough for her that it was time to go. Or the clue could've been one of the ladies calling after Toni saying that she could do whatever Toni wanted. _Whatever_ Toni wanted. Against her better judgement, Toni replied back, snapping that unless she was a blue eye blond with a shield she wasn't interested. The woman replied saying she could be with the right money.

That time, Toni didn't reply back, but the woman still followed Toni for a few minutes, telling her that she could make her night. Telling her all the things that she could do, but the genius wouldn't bit anymore- not again. She just wanted to get away. This was another reason to leave, but she supposed the main reason was her twitching muscles and aching back. Then again, there was also the fact that it had started to rain, and it was the cold, freezing rain.

Toni let out a groan as the few raindrops became a downpour, and she was soaked within seconds. Her hair gained ten pounds as it was suddenly glued to her. Her clothes also gained a few pounds as they stuck to her body. Within mere seconds, she was shaking, and she knew she would be sick the next day. She would be a beast in a few hours, and it was at this moment that she wondered why she decided a run was a good idea. Toni was sore, soak, and cold, and she was feeling worst with each passing second.

Reaching into her pocket, Toni pulled out her phone, which was luckily waterproof. Even with a slick, wet phone, it only took a second for Toni to dial the tower. "J-JARVIS," the genius stuttered into the phone.

The AI's respond was quick. "Yes, Miss."

"Can you send the suit to come pick me up?" she asked, shaking badly.

"Yes, Miss. It would be my pleasure. Your body temperature is dropping, and if you stayed any longer, your health would be at risk. I-"

"Yea, yea," Toni replied, not needing the AI to tell her that. "Just send it."

"The Mobile armor is deporting, Miss." There was a pause. "Captain Rogers is inquiring about your location. Would you like him to meet you instead?"

Toni's eyes widened, not expecting Steve to be back already. "He's in the tower?" she asked, shocked.

"Yes, Miss. Would you like if-"

"No!" She protested strongly. She didn't need him to come and get her. She could and would get herself back to the town in one piece, and she didn't need him to come save her. "I got it. Just send the suit."

"It is on its w-"

The genius didn't let the AI finish, ending the call. As JARVIS was sending the suit, there was nothing else that she needed from him. Now, she just had to wait for the suit, which should only take a minute or two; however, Toni was never any good at waiting. Bad things happened when she was waiting with nothing to do. She tended to do stupid shit- well depending on who you ask- when she had on her hands. On the other hand, she had no interest at the moment to do anything, feeling like she had been ran over by a truck.

Walking toward the man made lake in the pouring down rain, Toni scanned the area as if she was looking for someone. At seeing no one around, Toni got down to her knees, scratching them against the hard ground, as she reached for the ice cold water. As she was already soaked and shaking from the cold rain, her panic wasn't clear right away- not that anyone was around to see it. The water didn't seem any colder to the freezing genius as she dripped her fingers in, fighting back her fear of standing water. Her heart was racing at the sight of it, but she held herself still. Ever since coming back, her anxiety of still standing water only grew, but she refused to be control by it now. She was tired of this fear, a fear that she would never be able to get over. She was tired of being scared. She wanted to take a bath, damn it.

Even if made her skin craw and her short of breath, Toni wondered for a second if the water would feel differently if she just jumped in clothes and all? She was already shivering, already freezing. Already panicking. She was already at the brink, where there was no turning back. No saving herself. Against her better judgement, she wondered if she would sink to the bottom, weighed down in wet clothes. She wondered how long it would take her to die like this. How long would it take for the water to enter into her lungs? How painful would it be?

Was that how Bucky felt when he fell to his death into a frozen bed of water? Did he feel anything? Was he aware that he was falling to his death? That he only had seconds left to live? Did he panic? Did he regret anything? Was his death painful? Did he feel a thing? Toni hoped not, but she doubted anyone had enough for luck that. His death was probably agonizingly painful, and he probably felt _everything_. He pro- "Stop it," she yelled at herself. She knew nothing will become of it if she continued that thought process.

Trying to regain her breath, she took a deep breath and pushed herself up and onto her shaky legs. It was a battle to stay on her feet as her soaked clothes were almost impossible to stand in. Her hoodie probably gained 25 pounds or more alone in the heavy, cold rain, but she wasn't sure that she was willing to take it off and expose her arms and chest to the freezing rain. She already felt like a popsicle. What would she feel like next without it?

There were very little movement around her, as the rain weighed everything down. The sounds from the city were drowned out by the water droplets, and it was like the park was separated from the city. It was like it was its own entity, and it was almost freeing in some sense. It was nice to only hear the rain in a city that was so loud; however, she didn't get to experience that for long, as she suddenly heard something behind her.

It was the sound of slapping leafs and falling stones that caught Toni's attention. It wasn't extremely loud, but she heard it. For a split second, Toni thought it was Steve but thought better of it. There was no way that the Good Captain could have made it to her in that short amount of speed. He wouldn't have beaten the suit here, which was impossible even at his top speed. He was fast but not that fast.

Turning around, Toni felt her heart drop as she eyed the man a few feet from her. It suddenly felt like her brain had stopped working, stopping firing, as she eyed the man. Her body didn't want to move, to obey her commands, as she stared at the man. It was like time had stopped and she was frozen in time. "Bucky?" she uttered… No, it couldn't be. It just couldn't be. He was dead. Died over 70 years ago. There was no way that he was here. No way.

The man didn't answer, only stared at Toni. His face was covered in dark shadows, like most of his body, and it was difficult- if not impossible-to make out any feature on his face. Toni could tell that he was a rather buff man, looking like he could give Steve a run for his money, which was saying something. Even in the darkness and bulky clothes, she could tell that he was a muscular, burly man, who handle his own in a fight and hold it well. She could tell that he was well build—not an ounce of fat on his body-through his clothes.

Ignoring her gut, she took a step toward the man as she tried to get a better look at his face. She just needed to as there was no possible way that this was James Barnes, but they had the same stance, the same poise, and she had to see his face for herself. To make matters worse, it was difficult to see his face as his long hair covered his face. "Barnes?" she uttered, stepping forward again. She blamed her nightmares, making her see the Sergeant everywhere.

The man stared at Toni for a few more second before he turned and walked. Just walked away without saying a fucken word. She knew he must've heard her. She knew it. "Wait!" Toni yelled, as she walked after him. He turned slightly, giving Toni another look, before he took off. Toni's heart thudded rapidly at the slight of this man running from her. Why was he running from her? Was this a trap? Why not stay and explain who he was? She couldn't understand, but she couldn't allow him to leave without her seeing his face. She _needed_ to see his face, even if she knew it wasn't him. She just needed to see it for her sanity.

Fighting the soreness in her legs, Toni took off after him, but it was clear right away that she would never be able to keep up with him. As the distance between them grew, Toni was amazed at his speed, and she knew it was hopeless to keep chasing after him, not in her state, but she refused to give up. It wasn't in her DNA to give up. Her father would be kicking in his grave if she did. "Where's my suit?" she asked, glancing up toward the sky. There was nothing in the night sky—well anything that she could see, and the rain didn't help, pelting her in the eyes.

Toni's legs were burning, aching, but she refused to stop. She had to find this man, though she _knew_ it was impossible that he was Barnes. She _needed_ to settle her mind, or else she would torture herself. However, the second she looked back down was the second that Toni lost her footing on the muddy, uneven ground and tripped. Tumbling forward, Toni could feel her ankle twist as she plummeted, landing face first into the wet, muddy ground. She laid there covered in mud for a few second as pain shot up her leg.

Her shaky hands went straight for her ankle, as she rolled to her back. She fought back her groan as the rain pelted her in the face, forcing her eyes closed. "Fuck me," she cursed, as she laid there for a few seconds. "Just fuck me." Her whole body ached, and she just laid there, unable to will herself to move. Her whole body felt like it was on fire, and laying on her back did nothing to soothe it. During her last sparing/training match, the Black Willow had kicked her ass, though she was holding back. Toni had fibbed saying she was fine when Natasha had knocked hard into the wall, but she wasn't, and now, there was a huge bruise covering half of her back.

As she laid there in agony, Toni felt stupid. She, one of the smartest people on the planet, felt like the stupidest person on the planet. It was laughable, which was just what Toni did. For a good few seconds, she laughed as it poured on her. She was really an idiot, wasn't she? She twisted her ankle, chasing after a ghost. A freaking ghost. She was going crazy, driving herself crazy, as she kept seeing things that weren't really there. What was wrong with her? Did she—

"Are you okay?"

Toni's eyes snapped open as she glanced up at the newcomer. In the darken park, she wasn't able to make out his face, but somehow, he looked familiar to her. She just couldn't place where she had seen his face before, but she knew him from somewhere. Even his voice was familiar. "What?" she uttered, looking at his out stretched arm.

"Here. Let me help you up," the man said. He wasn't the same man (Smaller) that she was chasing, but she had seen him before. She just didn't know where, though she had met a lot of people in her life.

Toni eyed the man's hand before she took it. She could feel her shoulder throb as he pulled her up without any warning. "Thanks," she muttered, flinching. Unlike before, there was very little chance that she could defend herself- not with her bad ankle, but she could feel her body relax slightly, noticing her Iron Man Suit heading toward her.

The man eyed her, studying the wobble in her step. "Brock." He said placing a helping hand on her shoulder.

"Huh?" she uttered, feeling unsteady on her feet, but she didn't like feeling of his hand on her shoulder.

"The name's Brock," he said with a smile on his face.

No, she _hated_ his hand on her shoulder. Yes, Toni most likely looked like a wet rat, but that didn't mean she was helpless… yes, her ankle was useless, but that was beside the point. She didn't need him to help her. "Nice to meet you, but my ride's here," she said, eyeing him. Being that it was past midnight, she didn't trust anyone. Only a crazy person was out at this time, but she wouldn't trust him at any point of the day.

Brock looked up, eyeing the Iron Man suit as it landed next to Toni. Thinking, he watched the water droplets run down the metal suit as it stood next to her. Even in the downpour, the reds and the golds of the suit shined through, and there was no mistaking the suit. "Toni Stark," he uttered, something surprised. "I didn't expect to find you here…at his time." His hand dropped to his side, but he kept close to her. "What brought Iron Man out at this time?"

"I'm full of surprises," she said, eyeing the man. Judging by his outfit, he was an off duty cop, who had disarmed (though he could have a hidden weapon somewhere) and removed his vest, but he still was dressed in his all blacks. "Now, if you excuse me, my Soldier's waiting." She needed him more than she thought, and even if she had to face one of his famous lecture, she would just for him to hold her. She needed to him to hold her, even if she wouldn't admit it.

Toni could feel Brock's eyes on her as he watched her hop over to the suit, trying not to put any weight on it. He must have thought she was funny, but he didn't laugh or crack a smile. She glanced at him one last time before he suddenly looked away. She wasn't sure what he was look at, but she wasn't sure that she cared enough to find out. She just wanted to get back to the tower, find Steve, change out of her wet clothes, and get off her sore ankle. Like her shoulder, her foot was throbbing. Even if she refused to admit, she was close to tears.

* * *

 **The end for now!**

Don't worry, shouldn't take me too long for me to get the next chapter out. :) Maybe, the more reviews I get the faster I get the next chapter out. So hit that review button!

And on a different Note: I am not sure I can take Captain America: Civil War. Have you see that trailer? It killed me. Angst! The Angst!

Anyhow, I hope you enjoy this chapter.


	2. Restlessness

Hey all! Hey is the next Chapter for you. I hope you enjoy it. It's almost twice the size of the first Chapter. Didn't mean to make it so long, but I hope you enjoy it.

* * *

 **Chapter 2:**

 **Restlessness**

* * *

Rogers, Barton, and Romanoff stepped into the Tower just before 3 am, shortly before it started to rain—No, downpour. It was a complete downpour. The city became a burry mess as the thick rain ran down the long windows of the tower. With the light dimming, it was hard to see anything besides water, not that anyone cared for the view for the moment. The gang had arrived back early by a few days, and they just wanted to crawl into bed and sleep for days. It was nice to be back after a ruff few weeks, and no one was complaining about the lack of view or the horrible weather.

"Oh, how I missed thee," Clint whined as he stepped to the sofa and face planted into it. He didn't move an inch once he was face first in the cushions. He just laid there.

Natasha gave the Archer a look before she crossed to the door. "I wonder if a certain genius is a sleep?" she asked.

Steve glanced toward the clock, wishing she was as well, but knowing Toni, she probably wasn't. Even if he hated himself for it, he kind of hoped she was, so he could see her face. He loved coming back to the tower and having someone waiting for him. He loved the look in her eyes when she saw him. He felt at home. "I hope so," he said, slowly.

"Want to crawl into bed with Stark, don't ya?" Clint teased, lifting himself up by his elbow. "A nice warm bed with a petite, sometime cold genius?"

"Barton," Steve groaned, not wanting to admit that even if he wanted nothing else. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and fall asleep with her against his chest. He hadn't been sleeping lately, but for some reason, he knew he would sleep like a baby with her in his arms. He knew he would finally find rest at hearing her heartbeat next to his.

"So you two do the deed yet?" Clint asked, turning himself over slightly to look at the Good Captain.

Steve felt his eye twitch, but he didn't get a chance to retort before Natasha did. "Clint," Natasha scorned, softly. She was giving him a look that said it all, and it was scary.

"What?" Clint said, giving him a smile. "He just seems a little cranky! Just look at him." He waved at Rogers.

"I am _not_ cranky," Steve replied, eyeing Clint. Though he didn't tired easily, he was exhausted and just wanted to sleep… To sleep…Okay, he was a little cranky. That last mission took a lot out of him—took a lot out of them.

"Okay… Maybe, this is about that hot blonde down the hall from your shield Apartment in DC," Clint said, his tone changing. His playfulness was gone.

Natasha could see that as well. Her eyes were narrowing at him, trying to read him. "Clint."

Steve glanced at the two, wondering what the hell they were walking about. What blonde? And besides, he hated that Shield apartment, and he would like nothing more than to live in tower fulltime with Toni. "What blonde? Are you talking about the woman next door?" he asked, sincerely. He hadn't paid two seconds of attention to that woman, and he couldn't even say what her name was.

Natasha laughed, really laugh. "Good answer."

Steve gave her a look, not understanding what she was referring to. What did she mean by good answer? Did they think he just gave them the answer they wanted? Or was there a bad answer? He was confused. "What?"

Clint stared and laughed. "He's sincere. I love it."

Steve was too tired—okay, too cranky for this, and he just wanted to crawl into bed with Toni. "JARVIS," Steve called.

"Yes, Captain Rogers," the AI responded quickly. "How may I help you this morning?" The British robotic voice was calming to the Soldier for some odd reason that he couldn't understand. The AI was everything that Steve didn't understand in this time. He shouldn't be calming but he was.

"Can you tell me where Toni is? Is she's sleeping?" he asked, hoping that she was asleep even if at the time he didn't.

JARVIS took a few seconds to respond as if he was having trouble locating the genius. "She is not in the tower, Sir."

Steve felt his heart drop, as Toni should be here! She wasn't due for Malibu until for another week to run Stark Industries while Pepper was on that month long vacation. Did she leave early? No, that didn't make sense not without telling him…granted he went radio silent for the last few weeks. "Where is she?" he asked, his tone changing.

"She is currently in Central Park," the AI replied.

His heart skipped a few beats as he thought about Toni alone in Central Park. Why was she in Central Park at this time? Did she not understand how dangerous that was? This wasn't _his_ New York anymore. This city was a dangerous at night.

Natasha narrowed her eyes. "What's Stark doing? Buying drugs?"

"Natasha," Steve sneered, warning her with his tone.

The assassin gave him a look, clearly not afraid of his tone. Romanoff was one of the few people that Steve couldn't scare off. If he ever gave her a look, she would give him one right back, and no matter the look he gave her, she didn't and wouldn't back off. "You're fooling yourself if you think Stark has slept while you were gone."

That wasn't what Steve wanted to hear, but he would be stupid to disagree. "What are you inferring?" he asked. "That's she knocks herself out with pills?" His voice was anything but kind.

"If Stark was buying drugs, it wouldn't be from some street corner drug dealer," Clint said, looking between the two. "She probably has some doctor on call."

Steve narrowed his eyes at Clint, refusing to think along those lines. He didn't want to believe that Toni's guilt was so strong that she would resort to drugs. "JARVIS, what's Toni doing? And where is she exactly?" He asked. He didn't care where she was or what she was going. He was going to find her and bring her back.

"She went out for a run, Captain." JARVIS replied.

"A run? In this weather?" Clint said, nodding to the window. It was still raining, and it didn't look like it would clear up any time soon.

"Miss Stark believed a run would clear her mind," the AI replied.

A run? Toni wasn't a runner and didn't understand the point. She would always question the point of it, and the only reason why she liked when Steve ran was because she liked to see him sweaty. "She's running?" he asked, shocked.

"Again in this?" Clint uttered out, sitting up. His eyes were glued to the window.

Steve glanced toward the window before heading to the door. He wasn't going to let her to run in this weather, not at this time. He wasn't sure what she was doing or what was going through her head, but he knew it couldn't be good. He couldn't help but blame himself for being away so much. He wished he could remain close and not have to travel to DC as much. DC was cold; New York was his home, even after all of these years. He didn't feel like himself anywhere else (Well besides the battlefield), and it wasn't because Toni was here, though it helped. Helped lot.

"Where are you going?" Natasha asked, eyeing Steve.

The Super Soldier was still in his navy Captain America suit with his shield on his back. This uniform was one of the most comfortable that he ever wore, but he missed the red, white, and blue. He missed what it stood for. Sure, he still stood for the same thing, but it felt distance in this. He felt different. "I'm going to find Toni."

"Captain Rogers," JARVIS called out. "I am mobilizing the Suit to retrieve her."

Steve paused, glancing back to the window before looking at the door. He hesitated for a second, fighting with himself. He knew it would be logical and quicker to wait, but he hated doing nothing. It was like he was back on the sidelines, and he hated that. Hated it.

Natasha gave him a look. "You know, Rogers, the suit will be faster," she said.

"I know," he replied, coldly.

"Agent Romanoff is correct," JARVIS replied, almost a second later. "By retrieving Miss Stark yourself, the time to-"

"I know," Steve repeated harshly, cutting the AI off. "It would be quicker for the suit." He knew it; it was logical, but he couldn't bring himself to care. "Fine."

"The suit is on its way. Miss Stark will return shortly."

Steve watched the suit as it left the tower, eyeing the glow from the core as it disappeared into the darkness. He couldn't help but imagine what Toni would look like in this weather. She would probably be soaked from head to toe, and her dark hair would be pitch black, heavy with water. The wetness would've glued her long hair to her face and neck. Her clothes would be weighed down, dragging her down. However, she would still be beautiful. She would always be to him, no matter what even if he was worried about her.

Natasha eyed the super soldier as he slowly crossed back to one of the sofas in the room. Without removing his shield from his back, the man gradually sat down. He bowed his head, folding his hands in the other. He played with them, picked at them. "Steve," the Assassin called, still eyeing him.

The Captain didn't look up, feeling useless. He wouldn't help but wonder if he was only good for war, for battles. It seemed like that was all he was good for. He went out on missions, and when he was finished, he went on more missions, while she was here alone. How could he expect to have a healthy relationship with the woman he loved? She couldn't sleep, and he knew it, but he wasn't there for her.

"Steve," Clint said, getting to his feet. "Don't be too hard on yourself."

Steve glanced up at Barton, studying his face. He stared at the archer, just stared, before he laughed. It was a pained laugh, though Steve wasn't sure anyone noticed. "You're still here?" he asked, trying to put on a face. "I thought you left." He put on a smile.

Clint threw his hands up as if to surrender. "Geez, just trying help a guy. I feel so unloved," he replied, playing hurt.

Natasha shook her head before she glanced back at the window. No one was sure how much time had passed waiting for Stark, but sometime later, Natasha spotted the returning Iron Man Suit. She eyed it as it landed on the pad, and before she could even announce that Toni was back, Steve was already up and headed to the door. "Rogers," she called. "Let her get in before you jump Stark."

Steve glanced at her before stopping at the door; Natasha was right. He should let Toni in and give her time before he 'jumped' her, but he was too impatient. Usually, he could wait, but it had been too long since he held her. He just-

"Can I suggest someone getting a towel for Miss Stark when she enters?" said JARVIS, drawing everyone's attention.

Clint let out a sigh. "I'll get it," he said, shooting a look at Steve, who was still eyeing the suit. He turned and headed toward the door. "I'll get a few. She's probably a drowned rat right now." Natasha shot Clint a warning. "What? She probably does. It's pouring outside. The hobo down the street probably looks between then she does!"

"That's it! Barton sleeps outside tonight, and if he get struck by lightning, so be it," the Robotic Voice of Iron Man said as the door opened. The Iron Man Suit was dripping wet as Toni stepped into the room. "On the-"

"Toni," Steve said, interrupting her. With the Iron Man suit on, Toni was almost the same height of him, and her small frame was gone. Though the Iron Man suit was slim, it added bulk to the genius, and if Steve didn't know that the pilot of the suit was Toni, he would've thought it was a man flying it. He wasn't sure what the point was to make the suit male like, when she could've made it more female, but he supposed it had its uses.

Iron Man turned and stared at him. For a few long seconds, the genius didn't reply. "Looks who back," she said, as the suit opened up and Toni stepped put. The genius was soaked heat to toe and covered in mud. "Wasn't expecting you back so soon. What do I owe this pleasure to?" she asked, as she waved to him.

Steve glanced at the Suit as it closed and stepped back from Toni. "Finished early," he said, looking back to Toni. He watched her as she shifted to her right side, looking like she didn't want to put any weight on her left. He eyed the leg for a second, before he glanced up at her. She looked like he imagined she looked, but this vision was shivering. _Where's Barton with that towel?_ He asked himself, annoyed.

"And you didn't want to visit your other girlfriend?" she asked, her tone was noticeable flat.

"Toni," Steve called, hands at his side. He knew her mood swings and how nasty she could be when she hadn't been sleeping. He knew how cold she could be when she had a bad nightmare. This mood was a clear sign that she had a horrible one, and it didn't help his urge to pull her into his arms.

"I need a drink," Toni said, turning from the super soldier. Her eyes were on the bar, and she made her way toward it.

Natasha's eyes widened at the sight of Toni limping. "Toni," she said, stepping toward her.

Toni glanced at Romanoff, her look cold. She eyed the Assassin's movements as she sidestepped to stay out of her reach. "I just need a drink," she said. Her sneakers swished with each step, leaving a wet trail behind her. "You three can go back to DC if you like. I just need my best friend. His name is whiskey."

Steve's eyes dropped to the limp in her side, and he could feel his heartbeat pick up at the sight of her injury. He didn't know what had happened, but he was going to hurt someone. "I deserve that, but I'm not going anywhere," he said, as he came up behind her and picked her up quickly. She instantly struggled in his hands.

"Let me go!" she hollered as she found herself in the arms of the good Captain. "Let me go right now, Rogers." She was kicking, refusing to remain still. "I don't need you! I don't want you!"

He let out a small, painful sigh, hating the sound of his last name on her lips. He wondered if she knew how much he hated it. "Please, Toni. Don't do this to me," he said, his voice soft. "Please." Toni stopped her struggle and stilled. She didn't say a word as he lifted her up and brought her to one of the sofa. He gently put her down, but he didn't move from her side. He didn't let her go. "Toni, what did you see?" he asked softly as he placed a soft kiss to her wet hair.

She shivered in his arms as her nails dug into her palms. "T-thought…I saw…s-someone," she said, softly. Her voice was almost so soft that he could barely hear her.

"Who?" he asked, holding her closer. Toni didn't answer, only stared at her hands. "It's okay. I got you." He rocked her.

"Here," Clint said, drawing Steve's attention. He stood a few feet from the couple, holding a couple of towels. "And let me tell you, Stark likes to hide the towels. I felt like I was looking for the lost-"

"Just hand me the towel, Barton," Steve ordered, giving him a look before taking a towel. He knew he needed to get these wet clothes off, but he needed to calm her first. He needed her to relax, or else, it would turn into a fight.

Steve wrapped one towel around Toni's shoulders and put another on her lap, as he tried to keep her warm. He took a third, a wet, warm towel and started to clean her exposed skin. "We need to get these wet clothes off and get you to bed," he said, pulling her close.

Toni shook her head and leaned into him. She stared at the darkened blue spot on his uniform, a wet spot from her leaning against him. She buried herself in his arms, holding onto him as tightly as she could.

"What happened?" Steve asked, looking down at her. "How did you get hurt?"

Natasha and Clint hovered close, keeping a close protective eye over her. "Do I need to hurt someone?" Clint asked her, his tone cold. "Because I will."

"Yes, we will." Natasha added.

Toni glanced up at Clint and Natasha, giving them each a look before returning her glance to Steve. She didn't say anything, which scared the Super Soldier, as she was impossible to read when she was like this. Did someone hurt her? If so, he would regret the day he was born. Or was it an accident? Steve wasn't sure, but he was going to find out as soon as he calmed her down.

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

Steve gently set Toni on her bed before he closed the door to the room. One of the towels had fallen to the ground as he had carried her, but no one made a move to retrieve it. He kept an eye on Toni while he removed his shield, setting it against the wall. His eyes didn't leave her as he pulled off his combat gloves. Toni was curled up on the bed, holding the towel on her back closed, and she looked so small. So weak in her wet clothes, and it took everything in Steve's power to step away from her. He hated seeing her like this, and he hated it was a restless night that brought her to this state. A restless night that he wasn't here for.

The Good Captain could feel the Craze Genius' wandering eyes on him. She watched him like a hawk as he walked to one of her dressers and pulled out a shirt and pair of shorts. She watched as he set the items on the bed before he disappeared into her private bathroom. It was the only time he didn't feel her eyes on him, and it didn't last as he stepped out of the bathroom with a first aid kit in his hands.

Grabbing the items of clothing, he stepped to Toni and kneeled in front of her. "Let's get you out of these wet clothes," he said, setting the items back down. He expected her to say something, to do something, but she didn't. She just let him pull the towel from her shoulders. Taking her silence as the okay to continue, his hands dropped to her feet and he pulled off her shoes without bothering to untie them. He pulled off her wet socks a second later.

Steve eyed her red left ankle for a moment before he looked up at her. Not to his surprise, she was still watching him, but she hadn't said a word. Still on his knees, he straightened himself up and reached for her hoodie, which was still dripping wet. His hands went to her side, prompting her to lift up her arms, and not a second later, she lifted up her arms to allow him put the hoodie up and over her head.

He tried to ignore the tingle in his chest as his fingers danced along her skin. He could never get over how this woman made him feel. She made him feel alive in so many ways that he didn't know was possible. Just the mere thought of touching her got to him. "Shit," Steve cursed, lightly as he threw the wet hoodie to the ground. "Heavier than I thought." Still no respond from Toni. She hadn't said anything since the lounge, and this level of silence scared him.

Toni was wearing a thin black shirt under the hoodie, and it too was soaked. Steve hesitated for a second before he reached for the bottom of the shirt. He gave Toni a look before he pulled the shirt up. It stuck to her skin as he pulled it off, almost like it was glued, and it took more effort than he expected. He flung the wet shirt aside, not paying any attention to where it landed. His focus were on Toni, and only Toni. She was still shivering, still cold despite the temperature in the room. He could see every bumps and mark on her skin, which did nothing for his nerves.

He eyed the two sets of dog tags handing around her neck. He could see his and Bucky's name on them, and he couldn't help but feel possessive of the brunette in front of him. Ever since she had gotten those tags, Toni hadn't taken them off, no matter what, and Steve enjoyed that fact. He enjoyed the idea that his name was always on her. He liked the idea that she would always have something on her that would remind her of him… and Bucky.

His heart pinged as pain flashed in his mind, remembering his best friend. He missed Bucky, even second of every day. With a deep breath, his eyes were on the tags as they hanged over her half-hidden Arch reactor, which glowed softly under her sports bra. With a light blush formed on his cheeks as he stared, his mind was forced back to Toni. Even with the scars, she was breathtaking; however, the curve of her chest could only distract him for so long.

On her shoulder, there was a discoloration, which drew his attention. "What is that?" he asked, trying to mask his growing anger. After getting to his feet to get a better look, he could see how far the darkened, yellowish bruise went down her back. "Who did this to you?" he asked, trying to keep his anger under control. He knew it wasn't fresh as the bruise was healing.

Toni tiled her head slightly to watch him as he traced the bruise with his fingers. She could see the worried look on his face as he tried to hide his anger. "Training," she answered softly. "Romanoff kicked my ass."

Steve turned back and stared into her eyes. "She did that?" he asked through his teeth. He was going to have a few choices words with the assassin. Yes, he liked that Toni was getting hand to hand training, but he didn't want her injured, and judging from the bruise, it was a bad hit. "I'm going to talk to her."

"Easy, Cap." Toni replied, putting on her smile. "I'm fine."

"Toni," he uttered, looking back into her eyes. His fingers dropped to her arms, gently caressing her skin. Even though he taken off her wet hoodie, she was still wet. "I just-"

"Now, Rogers, I thought you were getting me ready for bed? Why am I still in wet clothes?" she asked, giving him a long smirk.

Steve gave her a look, cupping her face. "I'm getting there," he said, letting out a playful huff. He placed a soft kiss to her lips. "You're impatient."

"Just get going," she ordered, resting her head against his.

The Super Soldier laughed as he pulled back. He could feel his heart flutter at the sound of her voice. She was still upset, but her mood was improving. But he wished he knew what had gotten her into this mood. "I got you."

"I know," she replied. Her voice was soft, fragile. It sounded like she was going to break.

Steve reached for a towel on the bed and gently ran the towel up her arm. Again, she was watching him, her eyes following his every movement. He dried one arm at time before he turned his attention to her chest. He fought back his blush as his thump passed over her collar bone. Her skin, even with all the scars, felt soft under his touch, and he could feel his blood rushing. He could feel his heart race as his hand grazed over her sports bra. _Relax, Rogers,_ he told himself. He would need to remove that as well.

"I'm sorry," she suddenly said.

When Steve looked up at her, he wasn't sure if there was really a blush on her face or if he was imagining it; however, he could feel her heart beat rapidly against his hand. "I know." He replied. He knew she didn't mean it, any of it, and he refused to be angry at anything that she said. He knew how horrible nightmares could be and how moody they could make anyone.

"Steve," she uttered. "I'm sorry. I mean it. It's… just…I don't…" She drifted off.

Steve's eyes soften as he stared at her. "Hey," he said, softly. "It's okay."

"No, it's not…" She drifted off, as one of her hands went to her tags, holding them tightly.

"Hey," Steve said again. "Look at me, Toni." He waited a second, waiting for her to pick up her head. "Toni." He called against softly, when she didn't answer. "There we go," he said, when she slowly picked up her head and looked at him. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

"Bu-"

"No buts," Steve said, cutting her off as he smiled at her. "Now, let's me get this off," he said, pulling at her sport bra.

A smile brightened up Toni's face as she slowly released the tags. Her fingers remained close, playing with the bottom of them. "Geez, Captain, if you wanted me in bed, you just have to ask."

Though Toni could be a bit much with her teasing, he would rather hear it than her silence. "I already have you in bed, so…" He teased.

"Oh, you have some sass, Captain America. I would have-"

Steve got up slightly, just enough to place a claiming kiss to _his_ genius, while his hands went to the bra, lifting it up and away from her body. Breaking away from her lips, he lift it up and over her head. Toni leaned back forward, expecting Steve to lean forward and kiss her again, but Steve turned away, reaching for the towel. When he turned back, he was faced with a wild confused look, but he only grinned as he started to dab her dry.

"Killing me," Toni uttered, closing her eyes and leaning back.

Steve laughed, knowing to what she was referring to, but, now was not the time for that, even though his pants were suddenly extremely tight. He needed to get Toni to bed, seeing the exhaustion in her eyes. He could see how tired she was. She needed to sleep, more than she needed sex. "No, I am not."

"Oh, you are," she said, her voice shaky and raspy.

Steve laughed again as he dabbed the towel around the reactor. He felt his heart beat against his chest as he softly patted the skin beneath reactor. He moved his wrist in a cycler movement, making sure to dry every inch of her. Standing up slightly, he run the towel over her chest before moving up to the shoulder. He smiled, hearing a groan from the silent Genius.

After making sure her back was dry, Steve shifted as he lowed himself back down to his knees. His pants were made for combat, and there wasn't much room in the groin area, which he was learning. No matter how much he shifted, he couldn't get comfortable. He wasn't sure if Toni noticed as her eyes were closed, and her breathing was soft. Her expression was relax.

Reaching for the oversize shirt that he had grabbed, Steve dropped the towel. He held the shirt in his hand for a second as he took in Toni's every curve, putting it to memory. He might need to put it to paper later, though the very thought brought a bright red to his face. Shaking his head and shifting again, Steve tapped her arms to prompt her to lift her arms. He could feel her breath on him as he left the shirt over her head.

"Killing…me," Toni said softly and slowly. It was difficult to make out what she said, as she was fighting to stay awake.

"You will thank me in the morning," he said, as he slid the shirt down and passed her head. He helped her put her arms in the sleeves as he pulled it down, grazing her chest. Toni groaned in respond as Steve continued to lower the shirt over her stomach. "Oh, you will," he said, turning his attention to her pants, still wet. He leaned forward, reaching for the top of her pants.

Toni's eyes flew open, feeling Steve's ruff hands on her waist. Again, she eyed him as he gently lifted her up with one hand, while the other tugged at her running pants. Luckily, he didn't have to worry about any kind of buckle or zipper, as he pulled them down; however, the water was acting like a glue, making it difficult but not impossible. Steve's fingers gently grazed her lower hip/upper thigh, as he curled his fingers in the fabric. He held her up by her waist until he had pulled the pants past her butt before gently setting her down. The Captain shifted again as he glanced up at Toni, who was eyeing him intently. He wasn't sure if she knew how turned on he was, though he expected teasing if she did.

Using his fingers to creating separating from her legs, Steve pulled her pants down, his fingers gliding against her skin all the way down. When he got to her left ankle, he slowed down and gently pulled the pants over the bruised ankle. Before he could stop himself, he placed a gently kiss to it, and he could feel her suck in her breath at feeling of it. He couldn't help but be pleased at himself for getting this reaction out of her.

Letting go her of ankle, he tossed the wet pants away toward the other articles of wet clothing. "Are you okay up there, Doll Face?" he asked, slipping into his Brooklyn accent.

"Yup, you're going to kill me," she replied, looking at her. Her face was completely red, and he loved it.

Steve laughed, reaching for the towel to dry Toni's legs, which glistened under the bright lights. He started from the bottom of her legs, as he wiped her legs dry. He was careful around the ankle, pressing as softly as she could, and once it was dried, he eyed it, pondering how badly she had hurt herself. He may have some medical training as did most soldiers, but he had no idea of how to check an ankle to see if it was broken. He would have Bruce check in the morning.

He lowered Toni's legs and slid the towel up. His thumps ran up the entirely of her legs as he dried her smooth skin. There were a few scares covering her pale skin, but it didn't subtract from her beauty. It just made her worth so much more. It made this worth all that more.

Steve could feel her shudder under his grasp as he moved up to her upper thigh. He took a few exact seconds to dry the inner parts of her leg, trying to control his own shudder. Again, he found his pants way too constricting, but he tried not to give it too much attention. After making sure each part of her legs were dry, he toss the towel aside with the rest of the wet articles.

He felt his heart in his palm as he leaned closer to Toni. His hands went to her hips as he stared at Toni, who was eyeing him. Her eyes were burning into him as his hands went to her undergarment. Not to his surprise, her boxers were wet. Fighting back his groan, he kept eye contract with her as he curled his fingers under the straps. Her eyes drilled into him as he slid the boxers under her ass. He lifted her up gently as he pulled it down and off. Without looking, he tossed the boxers away.

The Captain could feel his hands tingle as he reached for the shorts on the bed. Again, he didn't break eye contract with her, and she didn't look away. Silence had fallen as he bowed down in front of her, sliding the shorts up on to her body. His fingers grazed her skin the whole way up, and he could feel himself shake slightly. "You're beautiful," he breathed.

"Oh, Cap," she replied. "How many can you really compare me to?"

Steve gave her a look, as he tied the pull straps on the shorts. "I don't need to see anyone else to know that. I don't need anyone else to know how I feel. I don't _want_ to see anyone else," he said, reaching for the med kit on the bed. "I just want you. You do things to me that I didn't think was possible."

"Steve."

"It's true. All of it." He smiled at her as he opened the kit. He finally broke eye contract to look into the med kit, and spotting an ice pack on the bottom, he reached it, the medical type and everything else he needed. With everything in hand, he went back to her left ankle. He cracked the ice pack, activating it before pressing it to her ankle. He could feel her flinch, but he didn't let go. Holding it with one hand, he wrapped Toni's ankle with the other.

After making sure the wrap was secure, he leaned forward and gave Toni another kiss. Her arms went up around his neck, as he pulled her into his arms. Picking her up gently, he brought her to his chest, and not breaking the kiss, he stepped to the top of the bed. He was able to pull back the blanket without breaking the kiss. He set her on the bed as gently as he could, and before stepping away, he deepened the kiss. He took control, not that Toni was giving him much of a fight. He sucked on her bottom lip for a few seconds before he broke off. Again, Toni groaned as he pulled away. "Let's get you to bed," he said, as he covered her with the blanket.

"Steve," Toni whispered, eyeing him. She balled her fists into the sheets as he stepped away.

Steve smiled at her as he reached down to all of the wet clothes, gathering them. He could see her eyeing his every movement, and he could feel her fear as he stepped to the bathroom. He could tell she didn't want him to leave, which he didn't planned in doing. He wanted to stay, which was what he was going to do. His chest may be beating rapidly in his head, but he wasn't going anywhere.

After dropping the wet clothes in the laundry basket and stepping out of the bathroom, he could feel Toni's eyes on him as she buried herself in the blanket. He smiled softly at her as he stepped to a chair. He turned his back on her a second to take his uniform off. He wasn't sure what it was about his movement, but the genius panicked at it.

"Please, don't go," she shouted out. "Please, Steve."

Steve turned to her, giving her a smile. Though Clint liked to make fun of him for the fondness in his eyes whenever he looked at her, he could- would not change it, and at the moment, he wished Toni could see that. "I'm not going anywhere, Shell head," he replied. "Just want to get this uniform off."

"Not Shell head," Toni whined, as she continued to watch Steve. Her eyes followed his every movement as he started to undue the buckles on his uniform. At a time like this, he hated the number of buckles and snaps he had on this thing. Seriously, why did he have so many? What was the purpose of having this many? Was any reasons for these buckles besides keeping him in the uniform?

As he undid every buckle and snap as fast as he could, he wondered if the person who designed this suit had planned this. Was their purpose to keep him in the suit and away from Toni? It was feeling like that as he finally reached the last buckle. After the armor was loosen and unzipped, he was able to lift the top half over his head and throw it to the ground. Normally, he could fold or hang it up, but at the moment, he didn't care.

Sitting down in the chair, he turned his attention to his boots, which also had a number of buckles. Glaring with snap, Steve was able work his boots off in a few minutes before turning to the buckles on his pants. His hands were sweating as he worked his pants off. He could feel his heart in his chest pounding, as he undressed in front of Toni, whose eyes were glued to him. When his pants were past his ass and by his knees, he got to his feet and kicked his legs out of his pants. Again, he didn't care where his pants landed, just wanting them off. They landed a few feet from him, but he made no move to pick or gather the pieces up. He stood there a few seconds in his under armor shirt and shorts, fighting back his nerves.

With a deep breath, he reached for the bottom of his shirt and pulled it up and over his head. He didn't know when he had gotten used to sleeping without a shirt, because in his pre-serum days and the war, he never slept without a shirt, but now, he couldn't sleep with one on. Maybe it was because shirts felt constricting whenever he tossed and turned in the middle of night. He hated feeling constricted, held down.

Kicking his under armor shirt to the side, Steve made his way to the other side of the bed, aware of the fact that Toni had shifted to keep watching him. He wasn't sure why she felt the need to keep him in her sights at all time, but he didn't mind it. He was just worried about her, worried what was running through her mind. What had she seen that had gotten her like this? What scared her so bad?

Once Steve arrived at the left side of the bed, he pulled the sheets back and lifted his leg to climb in, but before he could get in, Toni pushed up slightly. "Stevie, I have a rule. No socks in bed," she chuckled. "So take those bad boys off."

"Whatever you say," Steve said, chuckling. Here he was only in his shorts and she was complaining about his socks.

"Good, you're learning. Good Boy."

Toni Stark was and would be the death of him, and there was no doubt about that. However, the Captain wouldn't have it any other way, so he obeyed without saying a word. It didn't take long to remove his socks and toss them aside with the rest of his uniform. Steve pulled back the covers, careful not to remove them from Toni, and crawled into bed. As soon as he pulled the covers up over him, he was face to face with the brunette, who had rolled to him. "Toni," he uttered, seeing something in her eyes that he didn't like.

With a shaky hand, Toni reached forward, grabbing his arm. Steve could feel how cold and shaky she was, and it only worried him more. "Toni," he uttered again as she lifted his arm up. Steve eyed her as she held it up and ducked under it. Once she was flat against his chest, she dropped his arm and pressed her face into his chest. "Toni," he uttered again, wrapping his arms around her.

The genius stilled and held onto the Soldier for a good few minutes, not saying anything. Her fingers dug into his skin, almost as if she was afraid to let go, and for a few second, Steve thought Toni had fallen asleep. However, she was wide wake, though she was clearly struggling to stay up. "Do you ever feel like you're drowning?" she asked, softly.

Steve's jaw was firm in place, and it took everything he had not to hold her tighter. It took everything he had not to run away with her, keeping her hidden—but safe from everything. "Yes," he finally said after a few long seconds.

Toni nodded against his chest, as she fell into silence again for a few long minutes. "I feel like I can't breathe. Can't catch my breath. I keep falling," Toni admitted. "I just keep failing." Her voice was soft anymore too soft to hear.

He didn't want to bother Toni with his issues, afraid that it would be too much for her. He didn't want her to know the guilt that he was feeling, the shame and mistrust he felt. "I know, Toni."

Someone snap inside of her, she tilted up and scowled into his deep blue eyes. "Do you?" he asked, her voice getting an edge. "How would the _prefect_ Captain America know?"

"Toni…" He hated when she did this.

Toni's eyes widened before she buried her face in his chest. "Steve," she cried. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."

Steve took a deep breath as he closed his eyes. "I know." He kept his eyes closed for a few seconds before he glanced back down at her.

"I can't get him out of my head," Toni admitted, crying.

She didn't admit who _he_ was, but Steve knew exactly who she was referring to as he kept seeing him to. "I do too."

"You don't understand. I see him everywhere." There was a paused. "I…S-saw him the park."

Steve gave in and held Toni tighter, refusing to let her ago. "No, I do. I see him everywhere too," he admitted. "I have nightmares too, Toni. I wake up in cold sweats with him and everyone else I couldn't save."

Toni leaned her forehead against his chest. "We're some fucked up people, aren't we?" she asked, as her hands tightened on his biceps.

"We can be fucks up together," Steve said, closing his eyes. His fingers danced up her arms, trying to comfort her. He hoped he could get her to sleep, which they both needed. He could feel his own self start to drift with her in his arms. Even with everything going on, he never felt more relax than with Toni in his arms. He just wished he could calm her nightmares.

"I don't know if that's a good thing, Rogers."

"No, it's perfect, Stark," he replied. "No one knows what we need more than we do." He placed a kiss to her wet head, keeping her in his arms. He could feel her try to wiggle out his arms, but he refused to let up. He knew letting her go would be the worst thing that he could do, because that was when she did her worst thinking. It was what drew her out, alone in Central Park during the middle of the night. "And I know you need this."

"Sex?" She asked, looking up at him. There was something in her eyes that made Steve chuckle. "Because I would be up for that. Have you seen your abs?" she asked, as she un-balled her hands and softly ran her hands down his chest, tracing his bodily lines. "I would like to lick each one."

"Toni," Steve huffed out, knowing where this was going if she kept it up. He had finally got rid of his little issue, and right now, he wanted to get her to sleep. He wanted her to feel safe and loved. He didn't want her scared to sleep. He didn't want her scared to be honest with him.

Toni sighed, as she closed her eyes. "Not my fault that you have the abs of a god. Not even Thor can compete."

Steve's eye brow rose. "Have often have you seen Thor shirtless?" No, he wasn't jealous.

"Well if you walk around shirtless, I wouldn't notice him at all," She laughed, closing his eyes. "Granted, I probably won't be able to get any work done."

He narrowed his eyes at her before he chuckled. "Well, we wouldn't want that."

"Oh, yes we do, Stevie!" Toni whined. Her voice, though loud, sounded forced, and it was clear that she was struggling to stay awake.

Steve let out a chuckle. "I think your exhaustion is talking," he said. "Why don't you closed your eyes and sleep? I'm not going anywhere."

"You better not."

"I won't." It was a promise, and he wouldn't break it for the world, even if the world was ending- though the world did seem to like to do that…so maybe, he shouldn't think like that.

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

When Toni came too, her ankle was throbbing, and the ice pack had long lost its coldness—though it had fallen off during the middle of the night in her twists and turns. However, Steve had remained close, holding her in his warm embrace. Even when they both had fallen into a deep sleep, Steve's grip on her hadn't died, and it was as strong as ever. The only thing that had shifted was Toni's position and Steve now spooning her.

The genius laid there for a second, just laid there in silence. She wasn't sure if the Good Captain was awake, but there was no breaking out of his arms, not that she wanted to. She was okay with laying in his arms, even if it eleven am…

Wait what?

Toni tried to shoot up to get a better look of the clock, because that wasn't possible. How was it eleven Am? How was that even possible? First, Steve never slept for that long; he was an early raiser no matter how many hours he had slept the night before, and she was a Stark, which meant no sleeping for more than two hours. It was in her DNA. Her family DNA, even her father couldn't sleep for long.

However, the genius couldn't move an inch as the pair of arms tightened around her, stopping her. "No, stay," Steve groaned. "You need to rest."

"It's 11 am," Toni tried to protest. How was he still in bed with her? How wasn't he foaming at the mouth trying to get out of bed? He didn't have a lazy bone in his body.

"So?" he replied.

"Since when?" Toni asked, wiggling against him.

Steve didn't answer right away, placing a soft kissed to her clothed shoulder. His fingers softly caressed her forearms as his legs tangled into hers. He was careful not to hit her bad ankle. "You need to rest."

"I'm a big girl, Rogers," she said, still trying to wiggle out of his arms.

"But I'm your boyfriend, so I get to do this." He replied, burying his face into her now dry hair.

Toni always got short of breath whenever he said those words for some reason, and she knew he noticed. She knew he liked it, because he kept damn saying it. "Oh, do you," she breathed out, feeling his breath against her neck.

"Yes," he uttered.

Toni laughed through the growing pain in her ankle. "I need to train you better," she replied.

Steve opened his mouth, but before he could speak, JARVIS interrupted, "Captain Rogers, Dr. Banner as returned."

"Thanks, JARVIS," Steve replied, as he finally let go of the Genius and untangled their legs. He smiled at her as he turned away from Toni. "We'll be down shortly to see him. I want him to check out Toni's ankle."

Toni groaned as she rolled, trying to grab the super soldier. "I thought you wanted us to be lazy," she whined, as he was too fast for her. He was already out of the bed before she could reach the edge. "And Bruce really isn't that kind of doctor," she added, even though they treated him like he could handle everything under the sun.

"I want that ankle looked at," he said, eyeing his uniform. There was a twitch in his hand, as it looked like he was trying to decide something.

For a second, Toni didn't want to tell him that she had spare clothes for him in her dresser. She wanted to watch him, to stare at him and his well-defined abs. Seriously, it should be illegal for him to look like that, because damn, the things she could…. Toni shook her head, because she wouldn't finish that thought. Not now. He had already gotten her to her, when he undressed her. She never thought she could be so damn turned on just by someone changing her wet clothes.

Toni took a deep breath as she pushed herself up. "There's some spare clothes for you in the dresser," she replied.

Steve gave her look before he crossed the dresser and opened it. "Expecting me?" he asked, eyeing the clothes.

"I expect everything," Toni replied. "Genius you know." She sat up, allowing the blanket to fall from her. "And grab me some pants or something." She had nothing under these shorts, thanks to a certain Super Soldier who just put shorts on her. It was weird, and she would use this as a remainder to never let Steve dress her again...Wait, maybe she should.

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

Though Toni wasn't as fragile as everyone thought she was, she could get used to Steve carrying her around. She could get used to him, holding her close as he wore a skin tight shirt that scratched across his chest, showing all of his muscles. Seriously, how did he get into that shirt? That in itself should be illegal, though it was her who brought it. So she would probably need to have herself arrested too? If so, she was not going down alone! He was going arrested for being so damn hot.

"Stark already has a big ego as is," Natasha said as Steve stepped into the common room with Toni in his arms. "Carrying her around like that is only going to make it worse." The assassin's eyes wandered up and down Toni's form, studying every mark on her pale skin.

"Nothing can make that worse," Bruce said as he smiled from one of the sofas. There was a small first aid kit on the table in front of him.

"Oh, how you pain me!" Toni whined. Clint's rose an eyebrow, studying her expression like Natasha was. There was a struggle in his eyes as he remained quiet, and it was clear that he was fighting to remain silent. Toni didn't like the way they were looking at her, but she didn't call them on it. "And, Brucie! My ankle hurts!"

Bruce chuckled. "She's like a child when she's hurt," he said, waving Steve over.

Natasha snorted from the window, her eyes still on her. "Like?" she questioned. "She is a child."

"Hey, I take insult to that," Toni mouthed out, bitterly.

Clint snorted. "You take insult to everything."

Toni stuck her tongue at him. "Well everything is an offensive," she said. "Just look at that color on you." She waved at the purple outfit that Clint was wearing. She could never understand the purple, especially since he was a goddamn spy. Spies weren't supposed to be colorful.

"You love it!" Clint said, turning to the television. There was some news program on in the background, playing softly.

Sitting Toni down gently, Steve set her down across from Bruce and took a step down next to her. He glanced up at the television as well, reading the words at the bottom of the screen. Toni stared at him, studying his every move, as she still couldn't understand why he wanted to be with her.

Bruce stepped to her, reaching for her bad ankle. Toni expected him to ask her how she got it or say something about what lead up to it, but he didn't. In fact, no one did, which was fucken odd. She expected lecture from everyone in this room, telling her how stupid it was to be out in Central Park in the middle of the night, but no one did. No one gave her any kind of talking too, and that made her nervous. Were they waiting to jump her? Or did they just pity her? She didn't—

"Another overdose. Killed himself," Clint said, snapping the genius back to reality.

Natasha narrowed her eyes as she stared at the screen. There was something spinning in the Assassin's head, as she listened to the news. "Some City Senator this time."

"Serves him right," Clint uttered.

Toni glanced at Bruce for a second as he finished wrapping her ankle, before she returned her attention back to the TV. She normally didn't care for news, and even if it sounded cold, she didn't care who had died in this large city. Yes, she hated the idea of human lost and she would protect it, but she couldn't find it in herself to care now. It was his fault after all.

"And some drug dealer was murdered in Central Park," Clint added as everyone turned to Toni, who just frozen. She was a deer in headlights as she stared at the screen not hearing anyone or anything. On the screen, a picture of the man Toni had met in the park flickered for a seconds before it flashed to the bloody crime screen. It was a brutal bloody screen, though it was hard to make out most of it through the buzzy imagine.

The room started to close in on her as Steve's grip tightened around her. Her panic started to grow as her nightmares replayed in her head. Sweat ran down her body as she yanked her leg away from Bruce, whose eyes widen at the sudden change in her. Before Steve's grip could tighten more, the genius ducked out from his arms. She pushed herself as far as she could from Steve, and before he or anyone else could stop her, she was on her feet, her unsteady feet.

Closing herself off, she couldn't make out what was going on around her, though she couldn't find it in herself to care. She needed to get away before she completely broke down in her panic attack. Her heartbeat was beating rapidly, feeling like it could pop out of her chest at any second. It felt like it was a million degree in the room as she hopped to the door as quickly as she could. She tried her best to ignore the growing fear in her body as she reached the door, and it took everything she had to open it and step outside.

Allowing the door to close behind her, Toni fell hard to the ground, not bracing herself from the fall. Her head banged hard against the wall as everything disappeared around her. She could feel herself struggle to breathe as she couldn't catch her breath. It felt like someone had their hands around throat, choking her, and for a second, she wished that it was true. It would make everything simple. It would solve everything.

However, before she could even attempt to do anything, yelling broke out in the room. She could hear Steve shouting. She didn't know what he was saying, but he was angry, refusing to listen to whatever they were saying. Trying to catch her breath, Toni tuned into the room, as she needed something to hold onto. She needed something to focus on, because she was losing her mind. Everything was crashing down around her, and she didn't know what to do. She tried to focus on Steve's voice, which grew silent suddenly. Toni felt her dread grow inside of her at the thought of the silence. She couldn't handle it as she would rather hearing fighting, because it meant she wasn't alone. It would mean that she wasn't—

"Toni," Steve suddenly uttered, breaking her out of her thoughts. "I got you," he said, pulling her into his arms. "I got you, and I'm not going anywhere." The genius nodded against his chest as she fisted his shirt, unwilling to let go. She needed him. She needed him to be her anchor. She needed it more than she needed air. "I got you, Toni. I got you."

She closed her eyes and melted into him, refusing to go. She focused on his heart beat, counting each beat that she could hear. He was the only thing in her world at the moment. The only thing. She had no idea what she would do without him.

* * *

 ** _The End for now._ **

**_I hope you enjoy this chapter. Haha._**

 ** _Let me know through your review._**

 ** _And even though I have no idea why Iron Man 3 was set during Christmas, it gives me a reason to add some Christmas to this story. Oh, a Stony Christmas. How fun..._**

 ** _haha_**


	3. The Tool

Hey all,

Sorry it took me long to get this updated, but I hope you like it.

This is basically a bonus. Someone (Can't remember who) had asked for a Bucky POV, so I decided to give you want. I wasn't planning on writing an other BUCKY POV so soon, but here you go.

I also want to build on build on Steve and Bucky's friendship, so I hope I add some in this chapter.

And I want to thank my Beta for getting this back to me. :) She says she really likes this chapter, so I hope you do to.

* * *

 **Chapter 3:**

 **The Tool**

* * *

The Asset wasn't sent to New York City often, only when there was something important that needed his attention. He was usually sent for two reasons: his specific skills were needed (when others had failed) or to send a message. His kills were widely known throughout the intelligence community, though most didn't believe he existed. Most thought he was just a story told to scare child… well, other spies and agents, but he had been credited with over two dozen assassinations in the last fifty years, though the number was wrong. In fact, it had been more, a lot more, but only a select few knew the real number of kills.

The man he was staring down was aware of most of his history, his resume—the death trail that followed him, and wisely, he was shaking in his boots behind his expensive, wooden desk. The Asset didn't expect any other reaction out of the man as he had seen this reaction a hundred of times on his kills, and his handler at the moment, Rumlow, seemed pleased at this as well. He had this creepy smile on his face that could scare most people.

"You know why we are here, Senator," Rumlow said, his fingertips dancing along the gun on his hip.

For the eleventh time, the Soldier's eyes scanned the room, while keeping an ear to the hallway even if Rollins was watching the hallways, not that they expected anyone at this hour. The Senator, the two S.T.R.I.K.E., and the Asset were the only people in the building, well besides the guards on ground floor. However, there was no chance that the guards could save the Senator. Not one guard had seen the trio enter the building, and when the time came, no one would see them leave either. The three of them, especially the Asset, could enter any building without anyone noticing.

"I thought Hydra was keeping a low profile," the Senator replied, as he tried to control the shaking in his hands.

"You've been a naughty boy," Rumlow stated. "You went against Hydra when you supported that bill."

The Asset's eyes shifted to the Rumlow, studying his face. He knew that face, knew it well. It was the fact of a killer, a face that the Asset wore often. This would be the Senator's last night, as he could be dead in the morning. Now, the Soldier didn't find this odd, but he did find it odd that Hydra sent three to kill the senator. It was illogical and not technical as it increased the risk. They just needed to send him as he could've done it quick and fast without the Senator even knowing he was there. The reason he could think of was that Hydra no longer considered him their best weapon, and he needed hand holding, but if that was the case, they should do away with him, since he was only a weapon after all. There was no need to keep him away if he was not functioning at 100%. Was he in error? Why didn't they believe him now? Had he failed his handlers in some way?

The Senator got to his foot, still tremoring. "It would have drawn too much attention if I did. There are already whispering along the halls. They don't know it's Hydra, but they suspect someone is in my pocket."

The Asset gave the Senator a look before he stepped toward the window. He wasn't sure what drew him to the window as he had a mission to focus on. But, it seemed like he wasn't needed for this assignment as Rumlow had it under control.

"You serve Hydra. Did you forget?" Rumlow asked as he took a step forward. There was a nastiness in his voice that wasn't there before. "We don't care what the whisper in the hallways are as long as they don't know about Hydra."

The Asset's boots clicked lightly against the hard wood floor, as his fists were at his side. There was no reason as to why he was called to the window. It wasn't like he expected an attack, though it would be ill-advised to not be prepare, and it was what he told himself when he stared out the window. He was a weapon, a tool; he wasn't supposed to think like this. He wasn't supposed to feel as he was supposed to be an unfeeling, killing machine. He wasn't supposed to be concern besides anything besides the mission, but he was drawn to the window. Felt drawn to this city.

He had no idea why this city called for him as he had only been here when Hydra demanded it, but there something about this city. It was calling to him as some distant words echoed in his head.

 _"Get off him! I said get off!"_

 _"Buck," a voice groaned and moaned._

 _"Stevie, are you okay?!" This voice was panicked. "Talk to me, Buddy!"_

The Asset had no idea to who these words belonged to and who or what was a Buck. What was a Buck? The Asset wasn't sure and troubled him. It wasn't like he cared or mattered where these words came from, but it was a clear sign that he needed repairs. What good was he if he wasn't functioning at 100 percent? Why would his handler want a tool that wasn't working?

 _"What are you doing out of bed, you idiot?"_

 _"I can't sit around, Bucky."_

 _"You're coughing up a lung!"_

 _"And that isn't going to change if I got to work. I need to work, Buck."_

 _"Don't make me tie you down, because I will!"_

 _"I need the money."_

 _"Let me help."_

 _"I told you I don't want or need your help."_

These voices annoyed the Asset as he wanted nothing more than to shot his brains out. He should tell Rumlow about these voices, but he knew what they would do. It was the most logical course of action. They would put him in the chair, which only brought pain. He didn't need that as he could still function. At the moment, his success rate was still 100 at the moment even with the mystery voices in his head. He could still function. The Soldier knew Rumlow found this behavior strange, even though his focus on the Senator.

He turned back to Rumlow and the Senator, as his hand went to his belt, mindlessly playing with a hunting knife. He balanced the blade with his fingers as he swirled it around, while his eyes drilled into the Senator's eyes. If the Senator wasn't already shaking in his pants, he was now.

"Do you understand the heart ache that you have caused Hydra?" Rumlow threatened.

The Asset's eyes dropped from the Politician and turned back to the window. New York was a city that never slept, and even if it was past midnight, the streets were filled with people. Everywhere he looked there was someone, and he detested it. He didn't hate a lot of things, but he wasn't a fan of people or crowds. There were too many factors and variables in a large crowd; people were hard to predict. They didn't listen or follow any logical. They refused to do what they were supposed to do. They didn't follow orders like he did. They disobeyed, and it annoyed the Asset. If he had to listen, then they had to listen. It was how the world work—or should work. It made things simpler.

As he watched them, there were a few ways that he could kill them from his height and position. He could kill hundreds of them in a number of ways before anyone realized what was happening. He could shot them each in the head before they realized what happened. They would be bleeding in the streets before anyone could stop him—not that anyone could. He was an unstoppable weapon. No one could-

The Asset's mind froze, spotting a woman jogging through the streets. As he was high up in one of the many high rises, it was amazing that he could spot this dark haired Brunette on the crowded streets, but his eyes were glued to her. He could barely make out her face from this distance, but certain feelings came flooding back to him. Even with her name escaping him, he remembered one thing: she was _his_. He remembered how much he wanted her. How much he wanted to protect her, though he had no idea of why. He would do anything for her, even if it broke all the rules.

The weird words and voices were echoing in his head again as turned from the window. His blade cut into his hand as he could hear nothing else, but it was of no concern to the assassin. The pain barely registered with him as the knife dug deep into his hand. He could barely feel the blood as it trickled down his fingers, dropping to the ground. Both the Senator and Rumlow turned to him, each giving him a wild look, as Rumlow's hand dropped to the gun on his hip.

 _"So what are you gonna do when we get to the States?"_

 _"I want a nice, long warm bath with a never ending line of beers."_

 _"Geez, Morita. Thinkin' small. I'm goin' to find me a hot Dame to settle down with."_

 _"_ _Je veux_ _un repas_ _maison de_ _cuisinier."_

 _"I agree, Dernier. That sounds good. Really good."_

 _"You know Stark offered to show me his mansion. I think I'm take him up on that!"_

 _"And we all know what that means. We all know who he likes to invite over! Models."_

 _"And we all know what Barnes is goin' to do, don't we?!"_

 _There was a long, pained groan. "Stay on task."_

 _"Geez, Cap. You seem cranky. Not enough sleep?"_

 _"Not cranky."_

 _"Maybe, Agent Carter can work out some of those knocks for you."_

 _"Shut it, Buck."_

 _"Have to pardon Barnes, Cap. He's stuck on Corporal Sark. Love sick puppy. Thinks everyone should feel like he does. Stupid happy people, thinkin' everyone should be happy."_

 _"I am not and I do not."_

 _"_ _Qui est-il_ _plaisantait? Il est écrit sur son visage."_

 _"So planning to ask her out her out, Barnes? If you don't, I will. She's a dreamboat with a nice right hook."_

 _"Don't you dare, Gabe! I'll hurt you, because yes, I plan to. Want to take her somewhere nice. So don't you dare!"_

 _"Enough!" a voice snapped. "We have a mission. Stop dreaming."_

 _"You're no fun, Cap."_

The Asset snapped back to reality with a shooting headache. The pain was almost so great that it nearly sent him to his knees, and he was amazed when his knees didn't buckle underneath. Though it was irrational and impossible, he wished those words would disappear from his head and take the pain with them. They were nothing but a pain, and he didn't want them as they lowered his success rate. He couldn't function at 100% with these words in his head, and if he wasn't functioning normally, his handlers wouldn't have any need for him. They were get rid of him like the rest of the tools that they didn't need. They would kill him as what use would he be if he could not complete his task? He was supposed to kill, not think.

However, this woman brought something out inside of him, and it would be foolish not to figure out why that was. In order to follow his programing, he had to learn why, so he could be an effective tool. He needed to be an effective tool again. He didn't want the chair, and he was willing to do whatever it took to escape the chair, the pain. However, he wasn't sure there was anything he could do about the woman as the very thought of her hurt made him ill. Though he had no of why, he knew what she was: his _weakness._ He knew he had to get to her, before someone got to her.

Before anyone could stop him, the Asset was out the door and down the hall. He could hear the orders from Rumlow and Rollins demanding him to stop both in his ear piece and from the echoing hallway. He could hear Rumlow curse in his ear as the assassin forced open a window and jumped out. It was at least a thirty foot drop, and if he was any other man, the height would've killed him, but the Asset could jump from almost any height without getting hurt unlike the two members of the S.T.R.I.K.E. team. If he hit them hard enough, he could kill them, and it would be easy and fast. They did not stand a chance with him even if they teamed up against him.

After the Soldier made it to the streets, it didn't take long to locate the brunette in the crowd of people. She stuck out from the rest, as even though it was cold outside, most of the crowd was wearing skin tight shirts and short skirts besides his brunette. She was wearing a hoodie that looked a size or two too large for her with a pair of black work out pants that hugged her body just right. Her shoes made a different sound from everything else as they made contract with the ground, and it called to him.

Unable to stop himself from following her, he trailed her as she jogged. He kept to the shadows, watching her as she jogged through the crowd in a zig zag motion. He watched as random people tried to get her attention. He watched as they tried to touch her, which infuriated him. Why did they feel the need to touch her? Why did they think they were even allowed to touch her? Didn't they understand that she didn't want to be touched? He could see it in her every time someone got close to her. He could see how she flinched away from their touch, and he hated that look on her face. It wasn't exactly fear, but she had a pained look in her eyes. It took all that he had not to start killing these people for daring to touch her, for putting that look on her face.

The Asset kept in the shadows forcing himself at bay, not allowing himself within a few yards from her. It went against his training and programing. He was taught to study one's target before approaching, and if he was to make contract, it was to kill his target. He was never supposed to be seen, unless Hydra wanted to scare someone like the Senator. In this cases, it wasn't either one of those cases. He just wanted to know why he was so drawn to her, and he had to study her, to understand why.

The Brunette, whose name still escaped, slowed down as she came across the park. There was a bit hesitation in her step as she turned to the park. As she stepped toward the park, he studied her body language, wondering what had gotten her out in this time of night. It was more than just wanting to run in the night air, because he could see the weight in her step with each step. He could see the exhaustion in her step as she made a sharp turn. It took all that she had to remain on her feet. There was something on her chest.

Wanting to get closer, the Asset quickly lowered himself to the street and followed her as she crossed the street. Separated by moving cars and trucks, his eyes, hidden behind his googles, studied the expression on her face. He could see the harden, pained look on her face. He could stressed in her eyes as if she had seen something she didn't want, and the Asset didn't like it. He wasn't sure why, but he didn't like it.

Using the cars and trucks as covered, the assassin ducked and crossed the street, following the brunette into the darken park. Following his programing, he stayed in the shadows not wanting to be seen. He could _not_ be seen as he would be punished, though he knew he would already be punished. He had disobeyed a direct order, and he was ignoring Rumlow yelling orders in his ears. He knew what would become of him, but he had to follow this woman. He _had_ to know she was.

His hands balled at his side as he watched some man go after her, trying to talk to her. His metal hand twitched as his right went for the knife in his belt. He was seconds from jumping out from the bushes and attacking this man for daring to touch her. How dare he touch something that was _his?_ How dare he hurt her? He took a step forward, ready to attack her; however, before he could step out and kill this man, the woman defended herself, sending the man to the ground.

The Asset couldn't fight the warming feeling in his chest seeing her defend herself. He wasn't sure why, but he liked the idea that she could protect herself. He liked the idea of her being able to fight, though he had no idea of where these flashes came from. Maybe, he did need the chair, because he couldn't handle these strange feelings. He needed to be cold. Emotions were something that clouded the mind, stopping him from completing their task. They were the enemy for someone like him, but he couldn't rid himself of them.

 _"If you touch her again, I'll beat the shit out of you, and her wellbeing is my concern, Private."_

 _"Get your grumpy ass hand off her."_

He had no idea why these words came back to him or what it might as he had no idea where they came from, but they came flooding back as he watched that man try to touch _his_ brunette. It reminded him of something, though he wasn't sure of what or where it came from.

 _"I don't need your help, Rug Muncher."_

 _"Apologize, now!"_

 _"What? She's either one of those or promiscuous slut."_

 _"Don't you call her that!"_

 _"You don't need to protect my honor, Barnes."_

 _"Toni."_

The knife danced in his healing hand as he took a step forward. The man, who had touched his brunette—No, Toni. _His Toni_ \- looked up, and their eyes met. He could see the color drain from his face as fear took over. He faltered a bit as Toni stepped away. The Asset was met with conflict as he wanted to go after her, but at the same time, he wanted to show this individual that touching what was his was unacceptable. This was the only thing he wanted, and he wanted to protect her. And like Hydra had done to him, he had to teach his man a lesson. He had to teach him what happened to those, who disobeyed.

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

Looking back at the dismembered body, the Asset knew his handlers would not be pleased at this. They would not be pleased at all. This dead body would create and draw too much attention, and his handlers would be angry. They would most likely punish him, forcing him back into the chair. They would take away all of that made him human, though he couldn't consider himself human in the first place. He was a tool for murder, which was what he had done and would do.

He eyed the man for a second before he wiped the bloody knife on the pant leg of the dead man. This man's blood was everywhere, almost covering every inch that it could, but there were a few bare spots on his dismembered legs unlike the rest of the body. The upper half of his body was covered in blood as it laid in a puddle of its body fluid. The asset's own uniform was covered in blood, but he didn't give it much thought. Being covered in blood was normal for him; killing was normal to him. Seeing this body in this form was normal for him, though this time was different.

He had attacked the man with so much anger that it surprised the asset. He had never felt so much fury inside of him before, as he was never emotional about his kills. His kills were cold, never thinking or spending more time than needed with the victim; however, this time, it was different. This kill was different, and even after the man had bleed out, the Asset couldn't stop his attack. He knew spending too much time with the body would get his caught, which his handlers wouldn't like as well, but he couldn't stop. His anger just came flooding out of him, as he kept seeing the man trying to touch what his, and he didn't like it. He didn't like it all.

After the knife was cleaned, he put it away and stepped away. Not caring if they found the body, he left it there with no attempt to hide the body, though he avoided making foot prints in the mud and blood puddles. As long as he was able to follow his 'target', he didn't care who found the body. His mind was on one person, his target: Toni. He had to find her. Had to figure out who she was and why he had an urge to protect her. It was stopping him from functioning at 100%, and it was his duty to figure out why. His handlers would understand. It was logical.

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

The Asset found his target soaking wet on her knees in the mud, facing a body of water. He could see the tremors in her body as she dripped her fingers in the cold water. He watched her shoulders drop as fear ran through her. He could read her, see it all, and he knew it had nothing to do with the cold, bitter rain. Sure, the rain was freezing to the touch, and it could send shivers down anyone's spine, but that wasn't the case here. He was trained to spot fear, panic… and that was what he was seeing here. She was panicking, questioning her entire existence. She was questioning who she was, wondering if she was worth it. 'It' he wasn't sure of, but she was doubting everything. She was drowning in her own fear.

He stepped forward, wanting to get closer to her. He wanted to feel her presence, but with the pour down rain, it was difficult to get close without her noticing, as his foot kept slipping in the mud, making it hard to get a footing. Thanks to the heavy rain, the ground was unstable, and it was getting worse with each passing second. He had to readjust himself every few seconds to avoid falling, but on the plus side, the rain had washed most of the blood off, leaving only a darken spec here or there on his wet uniform.

Unable to keep back anymore, he stepped forward, wanting to look into her hazel eyes. He wanted to see her fear. He wanted to see why she was so scared. He wanted to understand why this lake had scared her so much that. Or was it something else? He wanted to know what had drawn her out at this time of night. Did she have flashes like he did? Did she have things in her head like he did? Was her mind clouded to? Was she hearing things?

In his thoughts, he failed to take account his surroundings, as he walked into a pile of rocks, kicking them over. They tumbled a few feet, crushing leaves as they went. The leaves, even in the wetness, cracked and crumbed under the weight; they crunched loudly, and there was no doubt that she had heard it, even in the rain.

The woman- Toni, he reminded himself- got to her feet within seconds and spun around quickly. Standing in the darken shadows, he knew she wouldn't be able to make out his face, but he couldn't help but wish she could. He wanted to look into her eyes to see the emotions in her eyes, but that would be wrong. He was just the Asset, a tool, and he was trained never to look into someone's eyes, unless he was killing said person. To look at someone in the eyes was personal and it also sent a message; it made him more than a tool, which he wasn't. He was a weapon.

"Bucky?" she uttered, staring at him.

Looking through his wet, messy hair, the Asset stared at her though advoiding her eyes. He didn't want her to see his emotions, his pain. She would reject him if she saw the blood on his soul. He was tool, nothing more. However, pain flashed through his mind again as flashes started to appear in his head like before.

 _"No, don't call me that! That's a stupid name."_

 _"No, it's not! Bucky is an awesome name. James is boring. There are like ten of them in our class!"_

 _"So? You can't go ruffin' around with our classmates, so this is what you do? Make stupid names?"_

 _"You don't have to be so mean. I thought you would like it!"_

 _"What am I a baby? Don't be a knucklehead, Stevie."_

 _"Don't be a jerk."_

These voices were children's voices, and they were meant nothing to him, or rather, they should mean nothing to him. However, a warm feeling formed in his chest, though there were pain flashes in her head.

 _"I'm with you till the end of the line, pal."_

What were these flashes? Where did these words come from? The Soldier had no idea, but there was something in these words. There was some kind of loyalty with them, the likes that weren't found in Hydra. The idea that people were loyal without fear was new to the Soldier, and he couldn't understand why or how that worked. Why would someone follow anyone if they weren't forced to? It didn't make any sense.

"Barnes?"

The name snapped his focus back to the woman in front him, and he found herself staring at her with large eyes. She was still shaking, but her fear was replaced hope and…desperation. She was inching forward, trying to get a look at his face for some reason. As no long one had ever had so much interest in him, he wasn't sure what she was looking at or what she wanted, but she was staring at him with such an intent look. It was different than how his handlers looked at him; it was nicer, and he liked it. He could stare into her eyes for hours.

However, it didn't seem like that was possible with Rumlow yelling in his ear. He was yelling commands, ordering him to leave. Both Rumlow and Rollins had come across the bloody body of the man he had killed, and they were not happy. He knew he would be punished, but he didn't want to leave her, not with that look in her eyes. He wanted to stay with her.

 _"I can distract anyone with my wilds."_

 _"You're cocky."_

 _"Did you just figure that out?"_

 _"No, the second I saw you."_

 _"And you still wanted to play chase?"_

 _"I have no interest in playing chase, though it seems that you enjoy it. You're falling into my trap. There's no chase."_

 _"You think I'm falling for your trap? Maybe, you're falling into my trap!"_

 _"So if both traps lead to the same spot, why do you care whose trap worked?"_

This time these words were hers. The Asset was sure about that, but he had no idea where these words came from. Why did these come back to him? Did he want to trap her? Or was it so he could keep her close to protect her? He wasn't sure, but his urges were coming back. He wanted—no, needed. He needed to protect her for some odd reason. It was probably why he listened to Rumlow when he told him to return or else.

Rumlow had threatened to hurt her—Toni. He had threatened to do unspeakable things to her. To copy all of the things he had done to man and do them to Toni, which the soldier could not allow. He could not allow her to be hurt. He could not take the idea or thought of her being ripped apart. She was _his,_ and he had to protect her. If he had to leave to protect her, he would. It didn't matter if he wanted to take her into his arms and run off. He had to protect her from Rumlow.

He knew this was probably why Rumlow was angry. He couldn't be an effective weapon for Hydra when he was like this, and he understood why. He couldn't have weakness. He understood that his punishment would be harsh for following her, but he couldn't help it, and he would not regret his actions. He got to see her face, to see her emotions for the first time. He got to see something other than hatred when he looked into her eyes, and it was addicting.

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

The Asset was back in his chair and was strapped in tight, unable to break out of. They had learned from the last time and had used metal shackles, keeping him trapped. Once they were sure he was secured, they started to connect him to the machine, so they could electroshock him. They wanted to reset him, to take all of his memories from him. He knew why they wanted to do it. It was because of Toni. They wanted to take her from him, to rid him of his weakness, and it would be a painful experience.

"What power does that bitch have over you?" Rollins asked, eyeing the assassin. "We should have killed her."

The Asset did not speak. He was not allowed to speak unless he was spoke to directly, but he wanted to, which was odd. He was taught never to speak, and from his lack of use, he wasn't sure he even had a voice. A voice wasn't needed to kill, so he was never worried about it.

"Easy," Rumlow stated, eyeing the Winter Soldier.

"Rumlow's correct. Easy," Alexander Pierce stated, as he stepped into the room. When he had entered, the entire room had turned to him giving him their full attention. There was no doubt that he was the boss just by his stance; however, he was also put together from head to toes, wearing an expensive suit that cost more than all of their salary combined. "And we need Stark."

Rollins stepped back from the Asset, keeping his gun up. "We had to kill the Senator and make it look like it overdose to cover for the kill in the park."

Pierce didn't look unhappy at the turn of events, but he didn't look please either. "It had to be done, and besides, it sends a message that Hydra does not fool around. That Senator was stupid."

"And Stark?" Rumlow asked. "She has seen the Asset. She even called him Barnes."

Pierce did not looked worried; in fact, he looked glee at hearing it. "I don't see the issue."

The Asset, though restrained in the chair, scanned the room, studying each people. Even if he was a master of hiding his emotions (Not that he had many…if any at all), confusion was present on his face. Though he was hardly given any information besides what mission necessary, he was unsure of what to make of this situation or what was happening. What was happening? Who was Barnes? The name sounded familiar, but he had no idea of where he had heard this name before. He knew it from these strange words in his head, but he still had no idea of what the name meant.

"You don't see an issue?" Rumlow questioned, as his eyes glanced to the techs readying the chair.

"I doubt Stark will put too much thought into it. There's a reason why Stark was out in the midnight, and it wasn't to look for a dead man," Pierce stared. "From what you described, it seems like the Iron Man can't sleep, which is what we can use." There was a smile on his face that anything but friendly. It was almost devilish as there was clearly a plan, forming in his head. "It's perfect."

"How so?" Rumlow asked with a raised eyebrow. "Going to have her kill herself with exhaustion?"

Pierce reached into his pocket and pulled out a rectangle, folded paper. Judging the worn edges and shiny paper, it was a photo, an old photo, though the image wasn't visible from any angle. "She's be more willing to bend and fold to the will of Hydra."

The Asset jerked in his chair, but there was no give. He was a tool, but he refused to let her be a tool. She was so much more than that. So much more.

"To make her comply?" Rollins asked, his eyes still trained on the Asset.

"No," Pierce replied, turning to the Asset. "That would destroy what makes Stark valuable to Hydra. We need her mind, Rollins." He said, pointing to his head. "We will need her mind intact."

"Stark will never join Hydra willingly," Rumlow stated, giving him a look.

Pierce was smiling again as he stepped toward the Asset, who was staring at them. "Well, we have the perfect tool for that. We have a ghost."

"Going to scare her into hailing Hydra?" Rumlow mocked as he looked away. "Not sure how that's going to work, if he disobeys at the sight of her."

"We had to chase him down," Rollins added, bitterly.

Thumping the picture in his hand, Pierce stepped toward the Asset. "Imagine what we could do if we get that time traveling device working? We can change everything."

"I don't see Stark doing that," Rumlow replied, looking back to Pierce and the Asset.

Pierce unfolded the picture, staring at it for a few seconds before showing it to the Asset. "Because we have him. We have a ghost. She won't know what's going on."

"You're going to make her think she's going crazy."

"Won't be too hard, since she's already heading there. She just needs a push."

The Asset struggled against his restraints as he stared at bent, faded picture. He had no idea of how old the photo was, but it was clear that it was decades old. He couldn't tell you where the photo came from, but he could guess that it was from a target as there was dark blood stains on it. However, the age of the photo didn't hold his attention for long. There were two people in the picture, but it was the woman that caught his attention. It was her. It was the woman he was following in the park. She –Toni, he had to keep painfully reminding himself—was the only thing or person he wanted. The only thing that made him doubt himself and his programing.

Rumlow gave him a look. "How are you going to get the Soldier in line? Just look at him."

Pierce pulled back his arm and put the picture back in his pocket. "Scrub him. Double the voltage. I want it deep and through. I don't want him to remember anything."

One of the techs popped up. "Sir, it could damage both the Frontal and Temporal lubes if we increase the voltage. He could be nothing more than a vegetable."

"Maybe, he might listen then. Right, Soldier?" he asked, giving him a hard look as if daring the Asset to speak. "You're just a weapon, and it's time you remember that."

The Asset wasn't sure what was said after that as the next thing he recalled was pain. It was total and complete pain. If it wasn't for the mouth guard, there was no doubt that he would've bitten though his lips. The pain was excruciating, taking every thought that he fought to keep. He tried to focus on hers—no, Toni's face as she looked at him for the first time. Though he knew her name, he had no idea of who she was or why she was so important. She was just a name to him. A warmth that formed in his chest, but he didn't want to lose it.

He tried to focus on the hope in her eyes, instead of the hatred that was all around him. However, her eyes, her face, and her name were become nothing more than a hazy to him. With each passing second, the pain was growing and the woman was disappearing. She was becoming nothing more than a shadow that was blending into the surrounding area. Soon, he could remember nothing, and the Asset wasn't sure why he had started to scream. Was it because of his disappearing memories? Or was it the pain? He wasn't sure, though he wasn't sure of anything.

…No, that wasn't wrong. He was sure one thing: he was a weapon, a tool. He was a killing machine. Nothing less, nothing more.

* * *

 **The End for now:**

I hope you liked the chapter. :)

Let me know through your review.


	4. Panic Not Panic

Hey all, Sorry it took me so long to get this out. I had planned to get this out sooner, but it didn't work out like that. I started this weeks ago.

But here you. I hope you like it. :) and thanks to my Beta who proofed this for me.

* * *

 **Chapter 4:**

 **Panic Not Panic**

* * *

Toni was neck deep in an engine block, taking a break from her many suits. When she couldn't remember which mock armor she was on, she knew it was time take a step back, but she had no interest in going upstairs. She had no desire in answering anymore questions about the murdered drug dealer in Central Park. She also had no interest in talking about why she was outside in the middle of the night. And she really had no interest in talking about what she saw or what she thought she saw in the park. It was all in her head. That was all.

She blamed it on her exhaustion and the fact that she hadn't been sleeping, and that was all. Logically, it couldn't be him, considering Barnes died over _70_ years ago, and even if he hadn't died during the war, he would be over 90 years. The man in the park, if there really was a man, was nowhere near 90, so even if Barnes was alive, it couldn't be him. See? It just couldn't be. It wasn't possible…but then, there was Steve, who was in his 90's. He broke all logic, but that was different. Steve was a Super Soldier frozen in ice, and Bucky was _not_. Had not. He was regular, normal…Sweet.

Toni shook her head, forcing _those_ thoughts out of her mind. She had other things to worry about like the fact that she still hadn't figure out what Loki had been up to and he wasn't talking. Thor had tried to get Loki to speak, demanding to know what his plan was, but the prankster wouldn't speak, leaving the team in the dark. Toni joked that he wanted her first born child—not that she planned in having kids any time soon. Her father's final wishes be damned… okay, not really—but that creeped her the hell out. He could not have any of her nonexistent offspring.

However, if he had been truthful before about what he didn't want from her, what could he want? He said it wasn't illegal or that he wanted her help for a crime. But if it wasn't that, Toni wasn't sure what it could've been as he was a villain. He didn't want her company or her suits. So what could it be? And as creepy as it was, she couldn't help but wonder if it was her. Did he want _her_ for something? Why?…That was a scary thought.

"Boss," JARVIS called, "You have gone twelve hours without eating. It will be unwise not to-"

She let out a loud groan. "You're worse than Rogers," Toni stated as she leaned back from the engine block.

"The Captain and I only have your best interest at heart, Miss."

"You don't have a heart for one." Toni let out a chuckling sigh. "But okay, Mother," she mocked, as she scooted away on her ass from the engine block and slowly got to her feet. Thanks to Steve, she had finally gotten her first full night of sleep in _ages_ , and she felt better, even if her mind refused to stop. She had never been good at shutting off her mind, which was why she was a horrible sleeper only getting a few hours of sleep. She wished she could shut off her mind, especially now. She really needed to now. She was the most negative person ever.

Taking a deep breath, Toni rubbed as much of the grease and oil off her hands as possible. She tried to clear her head as she focused on the dark spots on her hands. Like most engineers, her hands were almost always covered in some kind of oil or dirt; it was normal for her. In fact, it was one the few things that calmed her, even with all the nightmares. It was probably why she couldn't stop building suits.

Putting down the towel, the genius put on a smile and made her way up the stairs. If she didn't go up soon the army upstairs would come and drag her out of the lab, and that was the last thing that she wanted. She especially didn't want to see Steve's frowny face… or his puppy dog eyes. She really couldn't take his puppy dog eyes, as her knees almost buckle underneath her every time, granted all of his looks did that to her.

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

Time Travel had been anything but fun, causing only trouble. Her memories were the biggest mess, which at first she didn't notice; however, the more she thought back, the more she remembered. These memories—if they were memories. More like flashes- weren't clear. It was a fog with her conflicting memories, though most of the early memories of her father and their time together were clear. It was the later memories that seemed to blur and change. Toni knew it was her fault for changing history, but she refused to take total blame for that. She blamed that on Damn Loki as well. If she really thought about it, it was totally his fault.

In this new Time or well any Line, Christmas wasn't Toni's favorite holiday, as it was just another day to her. In the beginning (the New time line) when she was younger before her mother had died, it had been her favorite. At first, it seemed like her father was true to his word and had tried to be the best father that he could be. At this time of the year, her father had thrown the biggest Christmas parties, and they were a blast even if most of the invitees were old fats that liked to pinch her creeks. However, she was her Daddy's little princess at these parties with him doting over her with a huge smile. He was proud of her, singing her praises to anyone who would listen, as she zipped through the crowd in her party dress. Her huge party dress.

She wasn't sure why her father had dressed her in huge fluffy dresses in her early years, but he dressed her up more than her mother did. She wasn't sure if it was because he knew his time with her was limited or if he wanted to make up for the fact that future Toni hated dresses and he wanted to fit them in. She had a book full of photos of her in many different dresses, though she hid those books well. Though she thought warmly of those times, she would surely die if Clint or anyone else found them. She had a reputation to keep up, and wearing fluffy dresses did not help it.

Even if Toni was against the dresses, she enjoyed these over the top celebrations, but after her mom had died, it all changed. It was like someone hit a switch, and her father turned cold, fast. He was a completely different people, almost like he was before the time traveling. He was distant, cold and mean, and all of those fluffy dresses were gone. All of the parties and celebrating were over, while her father locked himself in the labs, yelling at anyone who bothered him. Toni was his target most of the time, getting his full anger.

In both time lines, it seemed like her father loved to yell at her for some reason or another, though it didn't seem as bad in the new time line. He seemed guilty about it in the new memories, but it didn't make it any better for Toni. She still felt neglected, still alone growing up. The Christmases that she remembered were gone, and she was left _alone_ throughout the years. Over the years, it had started to become just a day to her, a day that she spent in the lab.

This was why the smell of pine threw her when she stepped into the communal lounge. It was that aroma, which attacked her as she entered the room. It was almost overwhelming, taking over everything. It was like a Christmas lot with the pine and peppermint smell that developed in the room. Judging by the strength of the aroma, this smell was fresh and recent. Unable to stop herself, she flashed back.

 _"Oh, Toni," Maria applauded with a huge smile on her face. "You look adorable!" The little girl, about 5, swirled around in her red puffy dress with a big white bow on the back, while she held a Captain America pushy in her hands as if she was dancing with it. Holding out the doll, she giggled as the dress flew up around her. Her little black shoes clicked against the hard floor. "Oh, Howard, look at her."_

 _Howard smiled as he stepped into the room. His hair was slowly turning gray and stress lines started to form on his forehead, but he didn't act like he was aging. He had been chasing Toni around like the best of them. "She's adorable."_

 _"Well, you would say that as you picked out the dress. I think you enjoy dressing her up more than I do!" Maria teased, as she got to her feet. She held her arms down against her body, keeping her dress down. She was wearing a passed the knee black dress, which hugged her body perfectly._

 _Howard took another step toward his daughter before he got down on one knee. "I have to get this all in now, before she hates dresses. She's going to be a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl," he said as he held his arms out to her._

 _Maria gave him an odd look. "What makes you say that?" she asked._

 _He looked up at Maria as Toni stopped spinning and flung herself into her father's open arms. "Oh, I know she will. She'll be just like her old man. Working in the lab. Head deep in something." He had on the biggest smile that Toni or Maria had even seen. "And Aunt Peg has already called digs on teaching her how to defend herself. Isn't that right, Toni?"_

 _His wife made a weird face as she watched a giggling Toni bury herself in Howard's chest. "Oh, really? Think she will be just like you? Maybe, she will hate the grease and dirt."_

 _Howard smiled. "Nope, our little girl is a genius," he said as he pulled a candy cane out of nowhere and held it out in front of Toni._

 _Toni's eyes widen at the sight of the Candy Cane as she grabbed it. She held the Captain America plushy tight against her as she struggled to pull back the clear wrapping. "Daddy!" she whined as she held it out to him. "Open, please."_

 _He took it from her and slowly pulled back the clearing wrapping. He could feel her eyes on him, as if she was afraid it would disappear. "Here you go, sweetheart."_

 _"Don't get it on your dress," Maria ordered, giving Howard a look. "Don't need the guest to see a sticky child. Could have waited until later, Howard."_

 _Howard looked up and gave her a smile. "Oh, look at her, Maria. How can I deny her anything?"_

 _Toni hadn't wasted any time popping the candy into her mind. She sucked on it loudly for a few seconds, giving it a good whirl in her mouth, before she took it out and offered it to her plushy. "Want a lick, Cap?" the girl asked._

 _Maria's eyes softened a bit. "She really likes that doll."_

 _"Not doll," Toni whined. "Cap's no doll."_

 _Howard chuckled. "Steve would've gotten a kick out of this," he said, still smiling. "Like him better than the Bucky Bear?" he asked, as he crossed to the chair and waved a clothed bear at her. "Because we can get rid of him if you do."_

 _Toni's eyes widened as she stuffed the Candy Cane in her mouth. Holding the Captain America Plushy tight, Toni launched herself at her father, while the Candy Cane hanged from her mouth. Her dress flew up, exposing her white stockings, as she landed on father with a thump. "No," she cried, the Candy Cane almost falling from her mouth. She grabbed the bear and pulled into her chest. "Not, Bucky Bear!"_

 _"Okay, Sweetie Pie," Howard laughed. "We won't get rid of him." Putting his arms around her, the CEO slowly got to his feet and held her close. "Yep, Steve would get a kick out of this. So would Barnes for that matter." Maria watched him with an interesting look in her eyes. "They loved you, you know." He said, placing a kiss to her forehead. He leaned his head back slightly to get a better look at the little girl in his arms. She held the bear and plushy close to her, while she sucked on the Candy Cane with no hands. "Let's get to our Christmas Party before the guests kill each other."_

 _Maria followed him out, giving him another odd look. "How could Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes love her? They died before Toni was born. I feel like I missed something." She gave her husband a look but he didn't answer. "Howard."_

 _"Why, Miss Toni, would you like to dance with me?" Howard asked, not answering Maria's question. The little girl nodded her head at her father as he walked them out the room. The Christmas music was echoing in the hallway, and there wasn't a quiet spot in the house. "I would love a dance with the most beautiful-"_

"- Cane?"

Toni snapped back to the present with a Candy Cane being waved in her face. She blinked for a few seconds as the room came into focus. "What?" she uttered, her eyes narrowing on the hard candy in front of her.

"Candy Cane?" Steve asked, wrapping one arm around her waist and pulling had back against him. He held the Candy Cane out in front of her, waiting for her to take it.

She leaned her head back to look up at the Captain. He was cold to the touch, but he had a smile on his face as he offered the Candy Cane to her. "Where did you go?" she asked, noticing his coat. "You're cold."

His hand traveled check, caressing her cheek as he leaned down, placing a soft kiss to her lips. Her lips were warm compared to the rest of him, but she remained in his cold arms. "A tree. It isn't December without one," he said, against her lips. "I think we picked out a nice one."

Toni pulled back slightly as she lowered her head to take a look at the tree. Her eyes widened a bit before narrowing. In front of her was a bare Christmas tree that stood over eight feet with a pretty wide radius, nearly 5 feet. It was the perfect tree with thick branches, leaving no open spots. "It's real," she said, taking in the strong pine smell.

"Is there any other way to have a tree?" Steve asked with a smile.

Sure, Pepper had forced Christmas on her in the past, but she hadn't a real tree in ages. She had almost forgotten what a real tree smelled like, and if she thought about it, it almost made her sick. "There's needles everywhere," she complained as she pushed out of Steve's arms.

Steve's smile fell slightly. "Yea, but don't you love the smell?"

Toni let out a sigh, wondering what Steve would do if he learned how much she detested it. Okay, she didn't detest the smell… or the season; she just didn't like the feeling she got whenever she heard about someone's Christmas. She wasn't jealous—okay, maybe a little-, but she blamed it on the fact that she missed the Christmases that she used to have. "It smells like a forest, and I won't be here anyway. Be in Malibu."

"Are you okay?" he asked, noticing the tone in her voice.

"Peachy," Toni smiled.

Steve's eyes fell as he stepped toward her and wrapped his arms around her. He held her tight, not letting her go. "Talk to me, Toni."

 _"There's nothing to talking about, Jarvis," a ten-year-old Toni cried into her pillow. "Starks don't cry, and Father's right. We can't waste and money time on a Christmas tree. They're stupid."_

 _Jarvis put on a smile as he crossed to the bed. "You know your father did not mean that," he said, placing a support hand on her shoulder._

 _"No, he's right," she said as she pushed herself up. "I should've listened. He has a company to run."_

 _"Why don't you put on one of your dresses and come celebrate with Ana and me?" he said, softly with a smile. "Ana would love to have you. She adores you."_

 _Tears were forming in her eyes. "No."_

 _"Miss Toni. Do not take his outburst to heart."_

 _"Leave me alone, Jarvis." She mumbled and fell back down into her pillow._

 _"Fathers and daughters. That particular relationship...often so difficult to maneuver. For both sides. But time heals all wounds. Give him some time," he said, softly. "This is hard for him. Your mother-"_

 _"No, he's right. Christmas is stupid. I'm stupid," she said, while holding the pillow to her chest. "Just some stupid Holiday that stores use to sell you things." She shook off his hand and curled into herself, trying to make herself as small as she could. She grabbed her blanket and hid herself in it, refusing to come out as Jarvis said her name._

"Toni?" Steve called again, concern in his voice.

"Nothing, Cap. Just don't have good memories of Christmas," she said, leaning back into his arms.

There was something in his tone. "We can fix that," he replied as he spun her to look into her eyes. Placing a gentle hand on her chin, he tilted her face up and claimed her lips with his. He pulled her tight against him as he sucked on her bottom lip. Toni could feel a groan form her in throat as his worked hands up and under her shirt, caressing her back.

Steve tasted as peppermint, and though Toni wasn't normally into peppermint, she was loving it at this moment. She was loving the feeling of his lips against hers, as he explored her mouth. She really loved the feeling of having his body pressed against hers with his arm hands against her back. If they could stay like this forever, she would. He made her chest tighten with every smile and look, making her feel like some young virgin—which she was not. He made her knees buckle from underneath her as he ran his hands up her back. His hands felt amazing against her bare skin that—

"Oh, God, get a room!" Clint cried as he dropped a box of whatever he was carrying. The Box clanged as it hit the floor, shattering whatever was inside. It sounded like a box full of glass.

"Clint," Natasha yelled as she stepped into the lounge.

"What? I need bleach for my eyes!" Barton yelled, covering his eyes with his arm. "I thought I said no sex in the living room! What the hell!"

Steve pulled back from Toni and turned toward Clint, giving him a Captain America stare; however, before Steve could respond, Toni spoke, "We're not having sex. We have too many clothes on for that, but we can fix that." She turned back to the Captain and tug at his shirt.

"Stark, don't you dare," Clint yelled, pointing at her. "I object to this relationship. I liked it better when they fought."

Toni put on the biggest smile she could muster. "Oh, we can still fight, but now, there'll be make-up sex and angry sex, which are the best kinds of sex there are," she said, as she stared at the Archer.

"Toni," Steve said, giving her a look, but he had done nothing to discourage her.

"Fine, later," Toni said, waving him off. "But definitely later." She would so like to continue this in her room.

Clint's hands went to his ears. "I so need to live somewhere else. The images! Where is the bleach?"

Toni glared at Barton as she noticed another box in Natasha's hands. Narrowing her eyes, she stepped away from Steve. "What's in the box, Tashie?" she asked, pointing at the box. "I don't like surprises unless I do them."

The assassin's eyes twitched. "Don't call me Tashie," she glared. "And Christmas decorations. Cap here wants to fancy up the place."

Toni turned, giving Steve a look, before she glanced back toward the box. The evil box was an advantage size, and it was filled to the top. There were different shades of green and red popping out. "With that junk?"

Steve had on the biggest, goofy smile on his face as he stepped toward Natasha and reached into the box. He pulled out a string of beads and lights. "Not junk. You should've seen the stuff that Bucky and I used to hang. That stuff was junk. Nothing matched, and each bulb was different," he said, softly. "Now, this is not junk."

"Why don't you tell us about it?" Toni said, suddenly realizing that she wanted to know how Steve and Bucky, the Brooklyn Twins, spend their Christmas. Sure, she had been in the past during the Christmas season, but it passed without any one really noticing.

Steve grabbed the box from Natasha, who didn't put up much of a fight to keep it. "We didn't have electric lights growing up. Too expensive," he said with a smile as he crossed to the tree. "Granted, we didn't have a tree like this. We usually went hunting for a tree in the trash, but they were never this nice." There was a smile on his face as he set the box down. "Well…. I hated looking for a tree in the trash like we were…" He drifted off, unable to finish that.

Toni glanced toward Natasha and Clint, who were very quiet. Natasha was watching Steve with an interesting look in her eyes, while Clint was focused on the box he dropped. He was shifting through the broken bulbs, but it was clear that he was listening to what Steve was saying as was Natasha. "And Bucky?" she asked, as she limped toward Steve. She was still covered in old and grease, and there was doubt that she smelled, but Steve didn't pull away from her when she reached for him.

"You know him. He was making jokes about it the whole time," he said, smiling. "He saw nothing wrong with it."

"Well, you were his moral compass," Toni stated softly. "Mine too if you think about it, though I might not listen. There is no fun listening." She fought the urge lean her head on his shoulder and lowered herself to her knees.

Clint laughed as he carefully reached into the box. "Poor Rogers. I wouldn't want that job. Her crazy plans—well if you can count them as plans—could get anyone killed, and then there's the fact that she doesn't know what morals are."

Toni's head snapped up, and before she could process what she was about to do, she picked up a bulb and flung it at the archer as hard as she could. Yes, it was childish, but she wasn't in the mood for his comments.

Without looking up, Barton caught the bulb with no issue. With a smirk, Barton pushed himself up onto his feet as he played with it in his hand. "Good throw, Stark. Nat's training is helping your skinny ass."

Steve eyed the brunette as she glared at Barton. "Barton, that was uncalled for," the Captain chastised.

"Geez, Rogers," Clint uttered as he popped the bulb up in the air like a ball. "Can't say anything in front of Stark's white knight, can I?"

Natasha let out a chuckle as she eyed the bulb flying up and down in the air. "Well, you have a big mouth on you," she said. "Sometimes I think it's worse than Stark's."

"Impossible, Tashie. No beats me." Toni let out a chuckling sigh as she dropped down to her knees, reaching back into the box. With a deep breath, she reached into the box, as she wondered where these bulbs came from. They didn't look new, but she hadn't seen these decorations before; however, that wasn't saying much. She owned a lot of things she didn't know about. "Why don't we decorate this stupid green thing?"

Steve kneed down next to Toni. "Are you okay?" he asked, lowering his voice so only she could hear him.

She didn't even have to look at him to know he was concerned; his tone was clear. He had been concerned since her midnight run, and the fact that someone was murdered in the park made it worst. "Why don't you tell me about your Christmas growing up?"

"Sure, but we have to put the lights on first," he said, pointing to the bulb in her hand.

Toni's eye twitched. "Oh, are you one of _those_ people? Why can't we just throw the stuff on?" she asked.

"No, you can't. There's an order to these things," Steve said as he placed kiss to the top of her hair. His lips lingered there for a second as she dropped the bulb and reached for some lights. "I enjoy-"

"Hey!" Clint cried. Both Steve and Toni snapped around to see Natasha plucking the bulb midair from Clint. There was a smirk on her face as a look of doom fell on Clint's face. "NO!" he cried as he fell to his knees.

Toni laughed as she leaned into Steve. "That's face suits Barton well," she said.

Clint pouted as Natasha stepped away from him with the bulb in her hand. "Let's get this tree decorated," she said.

Again, Toni couldn't help but smile as she stared at her 'family,' and she couldn't help but wonder how she had gotten so lucky. Sure, they had their issues, and though she would never admit it, she was glad she had them. Maybe, her Christmas wouldn't be as bad.

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

Toni stood a few feet from the tree, just staring at it for minutes without saying a word. The tree wasn't the best decorated as it had odd bulbs and ornaments, but it had meaning behind them unlike the other trees that Toni had seen. The ornaments were more playful than anything else, but she didn't care. She like the Avengers themed ornaments that lined the tree, and she chuckled at the Iron Man and Captain America one. Ever since the media posted that picture of them kissing, the Avenger merchandise skyrocketed, and everyone wanted a piece, especially if it had America Favorite couple. She wasn't sure how she was one half of America Favorite Couple, considering what her reputation was.

Her fingers danced along the _Precious Moments_ ornament, which featured the Chibi visions of Captain America and Iron Man Kissing—minus the helmet. Toni wasn't sure about the ornament at first, but she decided she liked it, even if she wasn't a fan of Christmas. It seemed like she wasn't the only either, who liked it, as it sold out in record time, which Clint teased Steve and her endlessly about. Toni teased right back, because Clint was jealous. Just jealous.

"I love that one too," Steve said as he wrapped his arms around Toni's waist and pulled her back into him.

"You don't find it odd?" She asked, staring at it.

Steve was silent for a few seconds as he held her close. "Do I like that America is following our every moment? No. Do I like that _strangers_ are interested in our _private_ lives? No. Do I like how interested the world is in our sex life? No, I really don't, but I don't care as long as I have you," he said, placing another kiss to the top of her head. "On the plus side, we do get little things like these ornaments, and I like the feeling that it gives me when I see it."

Toni wasn't sure what she was feeling at the moment, but she didn't hate the tree or the decorated room, not that she would enjoy it for long. She would be leaving soon. "You're sappy, you know that?"

"My Mother, she…" he started slowly, pausing for a second. "I was a sappy child growing up. Always fantasizing as I was too sick or small to play with others. Everyone teased me, including Bucky, but he did playfully it and threatened everyone else who did."

Taking a deep breath, she tried to ignore the growing pain in her ankle. She had pushed herself too much by all of this standing, but she didn't want to show it. She wanted to listen to Steve as he talked about his past. She wanted to hear stories about this childhood. "So what did your snappy brain come up with?"

"This." He said simply.

Toni's eyes widened as she turned in his eyes. "What?" she asked, hobbling and leaning off her bad ankle.

Steve smiled. "Bucky's family was better off than Ma and I were," he said, his accent breaking through. "Growing up, he was the popular kid, getting everything. All the girls. All the friends. He had a future, and I'm ashamed to say I was jealous of him, as he was getting everything that I thought I could never get. It was stupid. I knew it, but I couldn't help it." He smiled softly as he took a deep breath. "Buck was a good friend through it all, and I was jealous of him."

"Steve," she uttered, leaning against him. Her ankle was killing her.

The Good Captain gave her a look before glancing down at her ankle. His eyes widened as if he remembered her ankle, and before she could say another word, he scooped her up in his arms. "I'm sorry, Toni. How's your ankle?" he asked, concern in his voice.

"You worry too much."

"You say that, but I don't think I do," he said, as he crossed to a chair and set her down. He kneeled in front of her as his hand traveled down her leg to her ankle, carefully pulling back her pants. "With you, I always have to be concerned. Never know when you're going to blow yourself up."

"Hey!" Toni yelled, playing hurt as she punched him in the shoulder. "Take that back. That's not true, but you never know when I'll blow up the _tower_."

Steve laughed as he checked the ankle brace. His face turned seriously, seeing the discolored skin. "You need to tell me if you're hurting," he said, flatly.

"It's fine, Cap," she said, annoyed. He wasn't her parent, and he didn't need to treat her as a child.

"Toni."

She gave him a look. "This relationship isn't going to work if you treat me with kid gloves, Rogers," she said. She didn't mean for it to come out like a threat, but it did. She could see something snap in his eyes.

Steve stared at her for a few seconds, searching for something to say. "And you have to realize something as well. In order for this to work, you need to lean on me. I'm here for you. Use me, Toni. Use me."

"That's go both ways, Rogers," Toni said, looking into his eyes. "Talk to me, and I will talk to you." She knew he had nightmares just like she did, but he rarely talked to her about them. This conversion (before it turned to her ankle) had been rare for the Captain, who kept everything in. "Tell me about your dreams."

He gave her a look as he pushed himself up onto one knee. He stared into her eyes, just staring, as if he was trying to read her mind. "Tell me about your nightmares," he said, calmly. It sounded almost like an order, but it didn't have that edge that Captain America had when he gave orders.

Toni had no interest in reliving that terror, even if keeping it inside hurt even more. "Why don't you finish what you were telling me, Cap."

Steve's expression changed slightly as he let out a sigh. "You know I love you, right?"

 _Every time_ Steve said those words, Toni's chest tightened, and her cheeks reddened. She knew Steve noticed, as he smiled upon seeing her reactions. "I just…" She started but drifting off a few seconds. "I know. It's just…" She didn't like feeling weak, like she was going to fall apart at any second. That wasn't sexy.

His expression softens as his hands lightly rubbed her bad ankle. "I never thought I would have this. I thought I would be on the side line watching, just dreaming. I never thought I could get a dame—no, woman like you. I th-"

"Steve," she interrupted, her eyes drilling into him. "I liked the Shrimp vision of you. I love how sweet you were—are. I loved the 'never- give-up' attitude." She smiled, noticing the softness in his eyes. "I started to fall for you then, and sure, I love this body. Seriously, just look at you. Man, those abs should be illegal, but I fell for the small Steve, who even then stood for what he stood for. So don't you d-"

If it was possible, Steve's smile grew, and stopping Toni before she could finish, he leaned forward and captured her lips with his. He didn't give Toni any time to think as he gave her a deep kiss. His hands traveled up her arms to her face, cupping her cheeks. Toni wasn't sure when she closed her eyes and leaned into him, but she didn't care. She enjoyed the feeling of being in his arms. Steve's arms were warm, almost smoldering, but she felt safe with him. She felt like she could do anything as long as he believed in her.

When Steve finally pulled away, he was beaming at her. It was almost sickening how happy he was. "You have no idea of how much that means to me."

"Wow," she uttered, out of breath. That kiss had taken everything out of her; it was toe curling, stealing her breath. "Maybe, I should say that again? Maybe with less clothes," she said, giving him her best come hither look.

Steve laughed. "Maybe, but not in the living room. Don't need Barton to come walking in here."

"Oh, so that's the only thing stopping you?" she asked. "Or don't you find me attractive?" She wasn't an idiot, and she knew full well that he found her hot. And who wouldn't? Yes, she was quite full of herself, but she had no doubt that this man found her completely sexy. She had no doubt she was in many wet dreams.

He had the biggest smile on his face as he looked in her eyes. "I have seen you naked, Toni," he said, as his thumb caressed her cheek. "Why wouldn't I be attracted to you? Why wouldn't I want to kiss every inch of you?"

Toni found herself blushing like a virgin at his words. Seriously, why did he do this to her? What kind of power did he have over her? "Then why aren't you? You don't have much time? I leave in a few days."

Steve's smile turned into a grin. "You think I would let you leave for Malibu without me?" he asked. "This is our first Christmas together. You think I'm letting you out of my sight?"

"And SHIELD will let you? Don't they own your hot ass?" she asked, as she grinned. "Fury goes 'Rogers jump,' and you go 'how high.'" She enjoyed teasing him. "And then there's the Mandarin. I would think SHIELD would want you on that."

His hand dropped from her face as he leaned back from her slightly. "No, the military is handing that. They don't want SHIELD anywhere near it. Politics or something, though I'm not sure how much SHIELD is really holding back. I doubt Fury isn't looking into it as we speak."

Toni wanted to mention that she had offered her services to the Military in finding these Mandarin, but no one wanted Toni Stark anywhere near that. Her name was a curse, like saying Macbeth in a theatre, and Toni wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing. Whatever she felt, she knew she should be insulted. She wasn't _that_ riskless. Okay, maybe she was, but she could be helpful. She was Iron Man after all.

"Yup, you two are disgusting," a voice said from the door before Toni or Steve could say another word.

Both Steve and Toni's heads snapped to the door to see Bruce in the door room. "How long have you been there, Brucey?" Toni asked, eyeing the man. Though most of the time Bruce slept more often than Toni, it looked like she had won this round, as he looked like he hadn't slept at all.

"Long enough to see why Clint needs some bleach," Bruce chuckled with a smile. "You two are sickening cute."

Toni smirked as light blush formed on Steve's cheeks, which Toni couldn't help but find attractive. "Oh, you are just jealous," she replied as she stuck out her tongue at him.

However, it was at that moment that Natasha and Clint stepped into the room. With hand on Natasha's shoulder to guide him, the Archer covered his eyes with the other. "Is it clear? Are they dressed?"

"Unfortunately," Toni whined with a pout.

Natasha's eyes narrowed at the genius before she turned toward Steve, who hadn't move from Toni. Clint and Bruce followed in step behind Natasha, who was dressed in her SHIELD uniform as was Clint, a clear sign that something was up. "A SHIELD quintet is on their way. We have a mission," she said, calmly.

"The Mandarin?" Toni asked, feeling a chill in her chest. A mission meant Steve was leaving for an undetermined amount of time, and her chest tightened thinking about. It meant that she was going to Malibu alone, and she would be alone _again_ for an unknown length of time. There were no time lines for SHIELD missions; no way to know when he was coming home. Was she going to be alone for Christmas? Again, that wasn't new to Toni, but that didn't mean she liked it. She was just used to it. "Did the government come to its senses? …Oh, wait. What am I talking about? The Government will never come to their sense. Bunches of idiots who can't agree on anything. 'Oh, look I am fire. What should I do? Use water? No! I can't agree with you, even if you're on fire. You're a—" She started to mock.

Steve let out a loud sigh, interrupting her, as he got to his feet. "Toni," he uttered, giving her a look before turning to Romanoff. "What's the mission? Is it the Mandarin?"

Natasha's eyes flicked to Toni before they rested on Steve. "We'll get the missions detail on the jet."

Toni wasn't an idiot, and she knew without it being said that she wasn't invited to the 'party'. Yes, she was insulted just on principle, but it wasn't like she really cared about their highly classified missions; though if she did, she could easily have hacked into SHIELD and find out. The Pirate wasn't as smart as he thought he was, and she could break in without breaking a sweat. Fury would like to think his security system was great, but nothing could stop her when her mind was made up. "Not a part of the boy band? Geez, tell me how you really feel."

Bruce let out a small chuckle. "I am not sure you want to be a part of that boy band, Toni. I know I don't." Toni chortled.

Steve glanced toward the Christmas tree then toward Toni. There was a frown on his face as he looked at her. "How long are we gone for?" he asked with a blank look.

"No, clue," Clint said with a shrug and a frown. "I don't want to spend my Christmas on a mission either, but duty calls."

Toni pushed herself up, careful not lean on her bad ankle. "So, Brucey? Since we aren't in the band, want to join me in Malibu? Nice sunny, no snow. Bath suits all the time?" She could feel Steve's stare on her as she said it, and she couldn't help but chuckle at it. "Unless you are hiding a beer gut or something. I for one look hot in a bathing suit."

A red Bruce laughed as Steve turned his stare on him, but before anyone could open their mouth, a sound of quinnjet roared in the distance. It wasn't loud as most air crafts were, but it stole everyone's attention. Lights lit up the sky, passing through the tower's windows, as the jet touched down on the helipad. Every eye stared out the window as the jet landed. "Looks like your ride is here," Toni uttered, bitterly.

Steve gave her another sorry look as he opened his mouth to say something. He could've been saying something as his mouth was moving in a specific pattern, but Toni wasn't focused on him anymore, wasn't paying him any attention. She was focused on the man who had stepped out of the craft and headed toward the door. There were a few agents waiting on the pad, but it was the first one that caught Toni's eyes, which widened in recognition.

This was the man—Brock, if she remembered correctly…not that she cared if she didn't—that she had met in the park after she thought she saw Barnes, which again was impossible. This was the man, who helped her up. This was man, who she had gotten a bad vibe from. This man worked for SHIELD? She knew the fact that he was agent could be why she hated him. It was an automatic thing with all agents and government types, but there something different. And to make things worse, he was in the park? Why the hell was he in the park? Was he following her?

Toni could feel her stomach dropped at the thought of someone following her. It broke back all her fears and worries as her recalled being shoved against a wall by her Stalker in the past. Even though she was safe in her tower, it felt like she was back in that alley getting attacked. She could feel his hands on her. She could feel her heart beat raced as she wondered if she was really safe. Was there anyone following her now? If so, what did they want from her?

Did someone turn up the temperature? Someone must've turned the heat up, as it felt like it was burning in this room all of the sudden. She felt like she was in hell. Her hands felt wet and sticky as she balled them at her side. Her breaths were shadowed and uneven, and she found herself struggling to breathe. Toni felt herself fall back down on the couch as the room started to spin. She tried to catch her breath before anyone noticed her small panic…not that this was a panic attack. This was nothing. Just her thinking. Overthinking like she always did. That was all it was. Toni did not have pan-

Suddenly feeling a hand on her shoulder, Toni flinched, almost jumping three feet in the air. Trying to control her heart beat, Toni looked up to see a smiling Bruce. Even in his exhaustion, he had a fond smile on his face as he stared down at her. He wasn't saying anything, but she knew he was checking on her. It seemed like he was the only one to have noticed her panic attack—no, not a panic attack. Toni Stark did not have a panic attack.

Giving her fellow Scientist a smirk, Toni pushed herself up as she tried to control her frantic breathing. Leaning on her good leg, her eyes scanned the room, as she tried to figure out what she had missed in her panic—not panic attack. When she got up, she noticed Clint staring at her as well, eyeing her every movement. She wasn't sure what he was thinking, but she knew he couldn't read her like Bruce could. Smiling, Toni turned from Clint and limped her way toward Steve, Natasha, and the Stalker SHEILD agent.

Putting on her best mask and puffing out her chest like she owned the place which she did, Toni limped her away over to the trio. "I have a bone to pick with you!" She yelled pointing at the newcomer. She could see both Natasha and Steve giving her a weird, surprised look. "Someone needs to tell you that's not how you get a lady."

'Brock' (a stupid name if you asked Toni) gave her a smile as he stepped back away from the Assassin and the Captain. "Which is probably why I am single. Darn, I knew I was doing it wrong."

"You two know each other?" Steve asked, his eyes narrowing at Rumlow. His tone changed slightly as he took in the Rumlow stance.

"And it would help if you find someone who isn't dating the hottest specimen on the earth. You know," she said with a shrug. She may have been teasing with this SHIELD agent, but she was studying him, trying to get a read on him. He wasn't ugly in any sense of the word, but she wasn't sure if she would consider him drop dead gorgeous. He looked…. Normal for a lack of a better word. He seemed trustworthy with that smile of his, but something felt wrong. Her gut, though wrong at times, was telling her that someone was odd; however, if she was honest with herself, it could be her panic—not panic attack influencing her thoughts.

Steve's look turned cold as he glared at Rumlow, which the man noticed. With a calm smile, he put his arms up as if to surrender. "Relax, Big Guy," he said. "Not moving on your turf."

Clint took a step forward. "That would be wise," he said with a chuckle. "Rogers doesn't seem like the type to share."

Eyes flickering to her boyfriend, Toni eyed him. She kind of liked the jealous look on Rogers, as it was hot as hell, but the Captain had nothing to be jealous about. There was no way in hell that she would ever go for Rumlow, especially since he had been stalking her. For that, she wanted to throw him off the cliff and watch him splat. "Like he has a chance. I don't date Stalkers, especially SHIELD ones," she said, glaring at him.

The look in Steve's eyes changed again as he stepped toward Toni. This time, he had seen the change in her shoulders. "What?"

"Your buddy here was in the park that night," Toni said, shifting slightly as she felt Steve next to her. Her ankle was throbbing again, a clear sign that she needed to sit down, but sitting was a position of weakness and she wasn't weak. "He was following me. Why is Fury sending his dogs to watch me?" She asked, sizing him up. "Not that he needs to with Birdbrains and Spider."

Natasha didn't object, but Clint was a different story. "Toni, we don't-"

Toni gave him a look before she turned back to Rumlow. "So why do you?" Her eyes started at the top and worked their way down his heavily armed body. Her eyes reaching his chest, she noticed a patch on his uniform. Her heart beat against her ribs as she noticed what it said: S.T.R.I.K.E. Even if those memories—if they were memories- were just a blurry mess, they came flooding back, though she didn't know what any of that meant.

Natasha and Clint shared a calculated look, but they didn't say anything. However, Steve was anything but silence. "I would like to know that as well?"

Rumlow didn't step back, standing his ground. "Miss Stark is a highly valued asset. It would be foolish not to-"

Toni didn't like the idea of being an 'asset,' and she _loathed_ the use of the word. Sure, the word 'asset' was often used in the intelligence world, but she didn't like the idea of someone being a tool for someone else. Sure, she had been a tool for others at times and had used others as tools, but she was different now, not that same person. "Geez, didn't know I was so special," Toni snapped. "Oh, wait, I did, but next time I catch you following me I'll-"

Steve put a hand on her shoulder, stopping her before she could say anything stupid. "She isn't an asset, and Fury would be stupid to think of her as one," he said, coldly. "Why don't you three go to the quinnjet? I need a moment with Toni."

Toni closed her eyes as the room cleared, leaving her alone with Steve. She wasn't sure what she was feeling at the moment, but she wasn't feeling all that great for sure. She still felt like it was roasting, and her mind was spinning. These stupid images wouldn't get the heck out of her head, and to make things worse, she wasn't sure what they meant, but they had to be true? Right? What else could it mean? If Rumlow really was there, why the hell did they leave her there? "What is S.T.R.I.K.E.?" she asked.

With a small smile, Steve turned to Toni, facing her. He brought his hand up to her face and brushed the hair out of her eyes. "Toni, are you okay? You're sweating."

"What is S.T.R.I.K.E.?" she repeated, knowing damn well that she would get an answer somehow.

"It is an elite team of SHIELD agents," Steve answered, staring at Toni. He was trying to read her. "Whenever Fury sends Natasha, Clint and I out, Rumlow and his team are also sent."

"I don't trust him."

"Rumlow?" he asked.

"Yes," she replied. She wasn't sure why, but she was going to find out.

Steve let out a sigh. "You don't trust anyone."

"No, I don't."

His eyes softened as he pulled her toward him. "You trust me, right?"

That was a loaded question if Toni had ever heard one. She trusted this man in a lot of different ways; she trusted him to be honest with her. She trusted him to be there for her, having her back as she would his, but she also trusted him to break her heart when the time came. "Yes, I do," she replied.

Steve smiled. "Then trust me when I say you have nothing to worry about. Trust me when I say we can trust them. And even if he did something, I can handle it."

Toni didn't want to trust SHIELD; trust was for the birds. "Well, they're spies. Can we really trust spies?" she asked with a smirk. "That is their job."

"You know what?" he said as he pulled her into his chest. "You're hard headed."

Pinning her arms against his chest, he trapped her in his arms. "Why don't you go with your SHEILD buddies? You don't want them to leave without you," she said, staring up into his eyes. "I wouldn't mind that."

Steve stared at her for a few seconds, as if he was saving her face to memory. "Are you going to be okay alone?" he asked. "What number suit are you on?"

"Well Bruce is here." Toni said softly. She didn't want to lie to Steve, but she didn't want to tell him the true number. She wasn't sure what he would say if he knew the real number, but… she couldn't lie, not to him. She had promised herself that she could never lie to him; she may not tell him everything, but she wouldn't _lie_ to him. "40." She answered truthfully, or so she thought. She wasn't even sure she knew the real answer. She had truly lost track.

His expression turned hard. "Tony."

"You have to go," She replied, slowly. "I'm a good girl. I…. No, wait. That's a lie. I'm bad. Completely bad." She put on the dirtiest smile that she could muster. "But I can take care of myself." She intended that to be dirty, though she wasn't sure if he got what she meant. "If you know what I mean."

Steve's expression softened, turning into a smile. "Oh, I know what you mean."

"Oh, do you?"

"Yes, I do, and if you want me to help with _that,_ you need to be well rested," he stated. Fondness filled his eyes as he looked her. "Just imagine what I could do to you, but… Please, Tony. I'm worried about you…" He drifted off, taking a deep breath. "I-I…" He took another deep breath as run one hand down her back while the other tugged at her messy bun. "Promise me you will try to sleep. Promise me, Toni."

She stared up into his eyes, trying to read his mind. It wasn't too difficult to see his worry, which didn't sit well with her. Was this what this relationship going to be? Them worrying about the other? She didn't want to be some child that he had to take care off. "Me sleep?" she asked, letting out a playful snort. "You know me."

"Oh, I do."

Toni knew what he wanted to say, but she also knew that he would know that she was lying. "I'll try, Steve," she said, softly. "It's just…" She hated talking about her nightmares. Why couldn't she just pretend these didn't exist?

"I know," he said as he placed a kiss to her forehead.

She pulled away slightly. "Now get going," she ordered. "I have to get ready for the sunny skies. I can go outside in my bathing suit in December, which the media will love. They love to see my skin."

Steve let out a huff as he looked down at her. "Of course, they would," he said, a hint of jealous in his voice. "But in the end, you are my _mine_." There was possessiveness in her voice that went straight to her sex drive.

"Well, you remember that with your second girlfriend."

The expression on his face changed for a brief second, before he leaned forward and captured her lips in a long powerful kiss. He smiled against her lips after breaking a part. "What is with people thinking that I could keep up- let alone want one another dame?" His Brooklyn accent became heavy suddenly. "As soon as this mission is over, I'll be back for you, and I'll show you how much I want you."

Again, his words all went south, and if he didn't shut up, Toni was going to used him as a distraction for her nightmares. She was going jump and climb him like a tree with everyone watching. She didn't care. "Just go before I drag you to my bed."

Steve let out a chuckle before he gave her another kiss. "I'll be back."

"You better."

"I love you, Toni."

It wasn't the first time that Steve had said those words, and Toni knew it wouldn't be the last, but those words did something to her. It was like they took over everything, filling her whole body with a weird feeling that she couldn't explain. It felt hard to breathe, but it didn't feel like someone was choking her. It didn't feel like someone was sitting on her chest. Her chest just tightened, and a warming feeling flow through her. Toni wasn't sure what all of that meant, but it was all that she could think about.

She barely felt Steve giving her a smiling kiss to her lips or when he turned from her. She didn't even recall him heading toward the quinnjet as she was focused on his words. She wasn't sure if he was upset by her lack of respond or what, but he didn't say anything and Toni wasn't sure what her respond would be. She took a deep breath as she shook her head and headed toward the lab. She needed her suits to clear her mind.

* * *

 **the end for now. I hoped you liked it! Leave me a review and let me know.**

 **In the next chapter, we get to see Toni is the hot state of California and we get to see if Hydra's plan works.**

 **until next time.**


	5. The Ghost

Hello!

I am sorry this took me soo long to get this out. I wanted to get this out sooner, much soon, but it took me awhile to write this. I hope the next one doesn't take me too long.

This is unbeta so forgive me for my sins. I had sent a copy to my beta, but we seemed to keep missing each other. So when she gets the chapter back to me, I will post the updated Chapter.

Anyhow, I hope you liked this Chapter.

And the Civil War is going to be the death of me.

P.S., I borrowed some lines from Iron Man 3. Don't sue. You will know the lines.

* * *

 **Chapter 5:**

 **The Ghost**

* * *

Not sleeping for days, Toni was exhausted, both physically and mentally, and no matter what she did, she was dead on her feet, unable to keep her eyes closed. Nothing she did seemed to work, and she was unable to sleep for more than two hours without waking up in chills. Every night ended like that, her shivering covered in sweat…well unless she took a heavy dose of sleeping pills, which JARVIS lectured her about every time she took them. _Every time._ However, she couldn't sleep without them. Not with the nightmares…Not with the guilt.

Deciding a change in scenery was needed, Toni put on some expensive exercise clothes and went out for another run, though this time in daylight. At this time of day, there weren't as many crazy people out to bug her, which she counted as a plus. She had no people skills at the moment…though that could be said about any time. She would and will say whatever was on her mind, no matter the situation, which could and can piss people off—not that she cared. She really didn't care if she pissed people off, enjoying the moments when she did.

However, she absolutely had no filter at the moment, ready to attack anyone who even looked in her direction, and she blamed it on Pepper and her vacation….okay, it wasn't Pepper's fault, but she was moody and she could and would blame whoever she liked. The genius had it up to here with stupid, as it seemed like all she did was babysit people, who didn't know what they were doing. Seriously, baby sit. Toni had forgot how stupid people were, forgot that a CEO was highly paid Babysitter. Was this how Pepper felt? Toni hoped not. God, she hoped not.

Breathing heavily and feeling her muscles twitch, Toni slowed down to a crawl as she moved over to the side of the path. Not a second later, she was bent over, panting heavily with sweat pouring down her face and body. Everything was spinning as she tried to catch her breath. Even with a few deep breaths, she was still panting, struggling to catch her breath. She had no idea why she was having a difficult time, when she wasn't out of shape in way…Though, did not sleep count for being out of shape? If so, then Toni was so out of shape that it was amazing that she was live.

Even with her hands resting on her bent knees, it was shocking that she could remain on her feet, as everything just wanted to bend under her weight. Trying to slow her beating heart, Toni forced herself to take a few deep breaths. One, In. Out. Two, In. Out. Focusing on nothing else besides breathing, she counted, as she tried to get her heartbeat down. Her heart was racing, heart attack levels. She should be dropping dead with her body betraying her like it was; it took all that she had to keep up right. Every limb felt like jello; plus, it felt like something was on her chest. It felt-

"Water?"

Fighting back her panic, Toni peeped out from the corners of her eyes toward the stranger, though unable to make out his face through her messy, fallen hair. The men's voice was weird, yet almost familiar, but the genius couldn't place it. "Sure," she croaked, though she knew she shouldn't take water from a stranger. Knowing today's world and who wanted her dead, this could be a kidnapping, though Toni doubted she was very useful in her current state unless he wanted to kill her. She could literally be knocked over with a stick...

Hesitating for a second, Toni snatched the water bottle from the stranger's hand. Her hands shook as she took it and twisted the cap off. In the brief second that she looked at him, she could tell that he wasn't like the normal hikers she had seen before. Though she couldn't make out what exactly he was wearing, he had on way too many darks layers to be comfortable in this California heat. His long dark hair wasn't even put up to help with the heat, and with this temperature, it was probably glued to his face with sweat much like her hair. When she had started this walk, she had attempted to put her hair up, but it had long since fallen out.

After drinking half the bottle of water and with a bit of hesitation, Toni dumped the remaining of it on her head. She shivered as the water dribbled down her face and neck. It tickled as it traveled down her skin, dripping into her shirt. The cool water droplets felt refreshing against her warm, sticky skin, though it gave Toni slight chills. Even now, the slight feeling of water against her skin brought out some panic in her. It was a battle at times to keep _it_ back.

"Thanks," she said, slowly as she turned back to the stranger. "What?" she uttered, seeing nothing but dirt and stones. How did she miss the man disappearing? "Where the hell did he go?" she asked herself, as she scanned the surrendering area. There was no sign of the man in either direction, and all she could see was the empty trail in either direct for miles. There was footsteps going in both direction, but there was no way to tell age—well for Toni—of the footsteps or who they belonged too. There were just patterns on the ground.

Plus, it was quiet with the moving trees as the only sound echoing through the valley… Well, plus her heavy panting. However, if it wasn't for the water bottle, she would've thought she had imagined the odd, heavily clothed man… Imagined it, which she had seemed to be doing a lot lately and people had started to notice. Started to notice her strange behavior… Noticed her exhaustion. Noticed she wasn't herself.

But hey! She wasn't crazy! That man had to be real, right? He gave her a water bottle.

Toni scanned the area one last time, looking for the man…Looking for someone. "Where did you go?" she asked herself, seeing nothing but trees and leaves. "I'm not crazy." She shouted, angry. Toni told herself she was being ridiculous, reading too much into everything. It was just the wind, just some nice person handing her a water battle, and she knew, but her brain was in overdrive, imagining the worst no matter what the situation was. Now for example, she couldn't help but think that stranger was out to get her. To kill her on her way back to the mansion. No one would know. Probably think she would die due to exhaustion. It was the prefect plan.

Finally able to take a deep breath, Toni decided to head back before she lost her mind completely…though the question was whether she had already lost it. She was jumping at every sound, every movement, waiting for something. She didn't know that this something was. At this point, she wasn't sure if she was making things up or was in fact seeing it. Either way, Toni knew it was best that she return—no, not home. Home was where the heart was, but her heart wasn't there. She wasn't sure where home was.

Feeling like she was going to collapse at any second, Toni slowly made her way to the mansion. Her track was sluggish, a battle to move one foot in front of the other. Her muscles twitched with every movement, protesting against her. However, she wasn't going to give up… not now. Not ever. Though, there was a nasty thought in the back of her head, doubting her resolved. Telling her to give up and it was hard to fight that.

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

About 4 in the morning, Toni found herself startled awake in a puddle of cold sweat. Considering how many sleeping pills she had taken before she had went to bed, she expected to be out until morning. "JARVIS," she whined, loudly. "What the hell?"

"When used often, the body tends to build up a natural defense foreign substance. The effectiveness of the medicines will decrease over time." The AI replied.

Shaking her head, Toni shoved the covers back and kicked her feet over the edge. "Damn it," she cursed, closing her eyes for a second. "I guess I better get up," she muttered to herself. Her body protested as she got to feet, placing weight on her legs. "Never too early to start my day," she said, trying to put on a smile. She wobbled as she slipped on her slippers and turned to the door with one thing on her mind. If she was going to be awake at this time, coffee was needed. A lot of coffee.

"Still dark outside," she muttered to herself as she slowly made her way to the kitchen. Her bones ached, and she wanted nothing more than to sleep. "Start the coffee for Momma, J?" she asked, feeling her muscles twitch.

"As I always do," JARVIS replied.

Entering the oversized kitchen, Toni smiled as she spotted the brewing coffee. She had no idea what she would do without the juice of life, though she knew it wouldn't turn out well. She would probably turn into a zombie, not that she wasn't already one. She was totally a zombie at the moment, and this coffee was the only thing keeping her from going full on zombie and eating some brains. She would love the see the headlines if she were to ever to do that.

She grinned as she reached the pot of hot, delicious coffee. Oh, the headlines. Oh, the stupid stories that the media tried to sell to whoever wanted to listen. She loved those stupid headlines, who loved to paint her like the bad guy no matter what was happening or who she was with. They loved to hate her. Though she would never admit how much they hurt, she had a good laugh at those stories at times. Really, some were down right funny—like her in a love triangle with some random person (usually insert a random Avenger) and Steve, and she would find herself laughing for hours.

After pouring herself a cup of coffee—black, she twisted her body around and leaned against the counter, barely able to keep upright on her shaky legs. She brought her hot, steaming cup to her lips and took a few small slips. Grinning like the Cheshire cat, Toni could already feel the magic juice work, snapping her sleeping cells awake. It would be the end of world—no, the end of time if coffee were ever to lose its effect on her. She would be a bloody mess if it did.

Toni took another slip as she stared mindlessly stared across the room and out the window. There wasn't much visible outside as everything was covered in darkness. The sun hadn't risen and wouldn't for another hour or so. No matter how hard she stared, Toni wouldn't be able see much in the darkness, not that she was interested in seeing the breathtaking view at the moment. The shadows, the only thing Toni saw, was all that she focused on. She couldn't look away from the dark shades, pondering what had created each shape.

There was this one shadow that didn't quite fit in the dark scene before her. At first, she didn't give it much thought, considering the time of night and how sleepy she was. It wouldn't be the first time that she had thought she had seen something. Besides, there was probably nothing to it, considering shadows were a natural thing. There were hundreds of things that could have cast the shadows, depending how the lights fell.

Toni didn't want to think anything of it, as JARVIS would alert her if something was truly out there, not that there could. JARVIS was the _best_ security system in the world, though the AI was much more than a security system, much more, and nothing could and would get passed the overprotective AI, who would always protect her. JARVIS would and could destroy anything that dared to hurt the genius, and there wasn't a soul that didn't know that. Anyone who dared to doubt JARVIS was up for a rude awaking, which was something that Toni took comfort in. It was what kept her sane—mostly sane.

Taking another slip of her now room temperature coffee, Toni took a step toward the floor to ceiling window. Her eyes looked pass the large shadow in the corner, focusing on the scenery she knew was out there. Though it was completely dark, she was able to make out the outlines of the ocean and the beach, and even if she didn't get many chances to look out into the sunset, she enjoyed the view. She enjoyed the lines in natural, fascinated by the design of it all…. Even if she wasn't a huge natural fan.

Finishing the cup, the genius turned, but before she could completely turned away, the shadow in the corner shifted. Again, she didn't pay much attention to it as shadows did in fact shift depending on the light. It wasn't abnormal; however, it shifted _again_. Once more, Toni paid no attention to it, because JARVIS would alert her if it was more than just a shadow. "Damn it," she muttered to herself. Shaking her head, she took a step way, but as she turned away, lighting struck, lighting up the entire scenery.

For a second, Toni stood there, fighting back her flinch at the loud roar. She glanced toward the loud, bright sky, wondering where this sudden, craze storm came from. She could see the ocean come to life as the waves started to reach high in the sky. They crashed down hard as another thunder roared in the night sky. The rumble was almost deafening as the windows shook slightly under the intense storm, which Toni didn't really care for. It reminded her of something else.

Thunder storms had always been a no go for the genius, who had hated—not feared, never fear—these types of storms since she was a child. She didn't see the purpose of thunder storms, though she understood the science behind them. She understood why and how thunder storms worked, but that didn't mean she liked it. She hated the loud roar of the thunder and the blinding radiances of the lightening. She didn't like any of it, and she would do anything to hide from the storm. This dislike only worsened after _everything_.

With a few deep breaths and shaky hands, Toni turned away, but she wasn't the only thing to move. The shadow in the corner of the window moved yet _again_ as lightening flashed across the dark sky. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see the sky light up and the shadow morph and take a human shape. The man's features lit up for a split second before disappearing into darkness, and for that second, she could see a blank face staring back at her. Everything in side of her froze, as her mind went into overdrive. If she didn't know better, she would say there was a certain dead man staring at her, and he was angry, which wasn't possible. Not possible at all.

Fighting back her wild imagination, Toni's eyes widened as she turned back to the window on a dime, telling herself that she was seeing things. It was all in her head, and when she looked back, this was confirmed as she found herself looking out into angry ocean. Nothing more. Nothing less. "JARVIS," she called out trembling. The man seemed so real. "Scan the surrounding area. I want confirmation there's nothing out there." Toni stared out the window, looking for anything suspicious. She couldn't have imagine that, could she?

The AI responded seconds later. "Scan complete, Miss. Besides a common brown mouse and five chipmunks, I detect no other life signs."

"Are you sure, J?" she asked, her hand still quivering. The coffee cup had fallen from her hand and shattered against the cold hard wood floor when it hit the ground. She made no move to clean it up, not that she even knowledge that it fell.

"Yes, Miss. I do not detect any malfunction in my programing or software, and I can confirm that my scanners are operating at 100%," he replied, sound almost insulted.

Toni wanted to scream and tell the AI that he was wrong, because if he wasn't, there was something seriously wrong with her. She couldn't fix herself like she could fix him. "Run a full scan on your systems, JARVIS," she ordered, harshly. There just had to be something wrong with him. Just had to be. "I am not seeing things!"

"As you wish," the AI replied.

The genius wasn't sure if she was imaging the tone in JARVIS' voice or if it was in her head. She wasn't sure what was real or fake anymore, as she kept seeing things. This wasn't the first time that she had asked JARVIS to run full system check, thinking that the AI had missed something, and she doubted it would be the last time she asked. She wasn't sure what she was expecting with each time she asked…though it wouldn't turn out well if JARVIS found located something.

With a deep sigh, Toni shook her head and turned from the window quickly. Ignoring the shattered glass on the floor, she stepped toward the bar on the other side of the room with one thing on her mind. Her hand was trembling at her side, but she did he best to ignore the shaking. She also did her best to ignore her rapidly beating heart as it threatened to pop out of her chest. Even with sweat running down her face, she ignored it all as she poured herself a tall glass of whiskey, which only lasted a few seconds.

"Miss," JARVIS started, "It would be unwise to-"

"Mute," she snapped as she poured herself another glass.

* * *

*0*0*

* * *

Toni had said it before, and she would say it again: heels were the play thing of the devil. Whoever created heels was the devil, and he or she deserved death…though he or she was probably dead already. Toni only lasted a few hours in heels the first day before she switched to a pair of converse, which she wore daily. She knew Pepper would kill her if she was here to see her in the improper foot wear, and Toni got some pleasure knowing that Pepper would be throwing a fit if she saw. She could and would smile at that.

It was one the things that the genius could smile about, as no matter what she was wearing, what day it was, or what she was doing, Toni was wearing a pair of converses to work: a win for the brunette while she filled in for Pepper on her month long vacation. -Again, why did Toni agree to this?- So in either a pair of pants or a skirt, Toni was wearing a pair of red and gold converse, and she didn't care about the looks she got from the Stark Industries' employees, not that she wasn't already used to the looks. If she wasn't getting looks, the genius would be worried.

With a deep sigh, Toni leaned back in the CEO chair as she had signed something for the nth time. She had lost track of how many forms she had signed, which was plain exhausting in and of itself. Yes, she had been CEO of this very company before, and it had done it successfully for years, but this was exhausting. Even if it was just because she thought she was going die at the time, the genius was glad that she had put Pepper in charge of the company. Stepping back had been great for the genius, and there was no doubt that she would've gone crazy— well more so, if she had to do this job for any longer. She just wanted to build and invent things, not run a whole company.

Maybe, the genius could just give _everyone_ some paid time off until Pepper came back…though Pepper would kill her for that. However, everyone else in the company would be happy. Who wouldn't want time off during this time of year? Everyone would love her for that, and who wouldn't want that? However, she didn't want them to love her just because she gave them paid time off. She wanted them to love her for being awesome.

Needing a few seconds, she fished in the desk and pulled out a flask. Smiling at the sight of it, she twisted off the cap and whished the flask around. As she bought the flask to her lips, she hesitated for a second, knowing she had an issue with her drinking. A big issue. She had thought she had a handle on her drinking, but with everything that had happened lately, she knew she didn't. Even if it was unhealthy, it was one of the few things that calmed her mind, take the edge off. It also helped her sleep for a few hours, now that her pills weren't as effective.

Taking a few deep slips, she leaned back in her chair and stared out the window. Pepper's office had a nice view, and Toni could see for miles. She could also see her car from this view. Not wanting her new Driver or Happy to see her so drained, she had been driving herself to work for the last week or so. Though if she was this exhausted, she shouldn't drive herself to work. Well, she could always test fly the Mark 42 into work tomorrow if she could get it to fly.

Toni closed her eyes, taking in a few deep breath. That was what she was going to do, which meant that she needed to finish the damn suit… And she _would_ get it to work, though she had been working on this suit for countless, sleepless nights. If Steve saw her now, he would be giving her one of his famous lectures and forcing her into bed… However, if he climbed in with her, she wouldn't be against the idea. That night that he slept with her was one of the best nights she had ever had. It seemed so long ago now, like some kind of a dream.

Toni lets out a harsh sigh as she eyed her car. She knew it was unfair to be so angry at Steve for leaving, but she was. What was the point of being in a relationship with the man if she hardly saw him? Or maybe, she was just crazy? Being too hard? Too needy? She knew she adored him because he _was_ a hero, always putting others before himself, but she just wanted to see him for more than once every two weeks. She wanted to sleep in his arms every night. She just wanted to be with him, even if he gave her one of his famous stares.

"You got it bad, Stark," she told herself as she hid the flask back in the desk. She glanced at Pepper's assistant, making sure the tattletale hadn't seen her drink it. The older, precise woman had been keeping a close eye on the Acting-CEO, making sure Toni behaved, which was an impossible task; however, she was doing a decent hob, following Pepper's every order. That woman had thought of everything, refusing to let Toni off the chain even when she wasn't there.

Toni shook her head as she got to her feet and turned to the window. Her eyes scanned over parking lot, though she wasn't sure what exactly she was looking for. She wasn't expecting anyone, not that there would be someone to expect. Steve was off doing god knows what with the Spy Twins; Bruce was in stupid New York, hidden away in the tower; Thor—not that she expected a visit from the god—was off planet doing Thor like things. Jim was off with the military somewhere, looking into these Mandarin attacks, while Toni was alone with her nightmares. No, she wasn't bitter. She was just exhausted, tired. All she wanted to do was sleep, but she couldn't. All she saw were ghosts, and they weren't the friendly kind.

There weren't many people in the parking lot, and though _again_ she wasn't sure what she was looking for, she eyed each person walking by, making sure they were real. She wasn't sure what qualifications she was using to verify them as 'real,' but she stared at each of them for a good few seconds before moving on. She wasn't why she had such a bad feeling in her gut, but there had to be something, as this feeling in her gut couldn't be wrong. She wasn't crazy, damn it.

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

Toni bolted up, violently kicking the sheets off her, as she tried to control her rapidly beating heart. She felt like she was on fire as sweat pour down her red, moist face. Finding herself struggling to breathe or to catch her breath, it felt like someone was sitting on her chest, felt like there was an hundred pound weight on her. It was almost impossible to breathe. She ignored JARVIS inquiring about her mental state as she scooted over to the edge of the bed, trying to find her breath. Unable to do anything else, she hunched over and forced herself to take a few breaths, though she could only manage a few short breaths.

"Miss Stark," JARVIS called again, when she didn't answer. "Miss Stark," the AI repeated.

The computerized, accented voice was calming to the Genius, and she focused on it as he spoke. She wasn't sure what the AI was saying, but she listened to the pitches in this tones. She listened to JARVIS as he rambled off possible remedies for her shortness of breath. When this continued, the AI started to tell Toni stories, trying to snap her back to the reality. "JARVIS," she groaned, as she finally seemed to catch her breath after a few long minutes.

"I am glad to see you are back," the AI replied.

Toni held back her snort, because she wasn't sure if she was 'back.' Her nightmare was still on her mind, and she still felt like she was falling to her death. The famous _fall_ and wormhole in New York played in her head, which wasn't the worst nightmare she ever had. The worst the ones were of Bucky's bloody form coming to kill her, angry that she had let him die. It also didn't help when Steve popped into these dreams, telling her that she was worthless, that loving her was a mistake. That he hated her. Wanted her dead for leaving his best friend to die. Sometimes, she had all three of those dreams in one night, and she was left shaking unable to sleep for days.

Through her hands, she glanced at the clock and groaned at the blinking time: 3:27AM. "Fuck," she cursed as she pushed herself up. Her body protested as she stood. Only working on half an hour of sleep, it felt like she was going to fall over at any second. One would think that kind of sleep would be good as she would be too tired to dream, but that wasn't the case for Toni. No matter how tired the brunette was, she always dreamed.

"Miss, I would recommend r-"

"Mute," She replied, not interested in listening to JARVIS. Sometimes—No, most of the time, her AI seemed to develop a parenting tone, and Toni had no idea of where he gained it from, as she didn't program him that way. "I'm going to the lab." If she wasn't able to sleep, she might as well get some work done. She had to work on the Mark 42.

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

Toni's hand was no longer shaking after the five shots of whiskey; it was one of her skills: functioning drunk. She didn't know what it was about alcohol, but she seemed to do better with it in her system. The alcohol took away her insecurities, her doubts, and replaced them with something else. She wasn't a better person when she was drunk; this was known to everyone. She was downright mean—or horny—when she was drunk, and no one was safe from her, which was why she wanted- needed to stop. She hated who she was when she drunk, but she couldn't deal with the pain without it. She hated pain.

"Miss, please, may I request just a few hours to calibrate…"

"No. Forty-eight," she snapped, as she held a needle to her skin. She knew she was being riskless, but she didn't care, which may or may not be a side effect of the whiskey. She glanced at the night sky before she injected herself. "Micro-repeater implanting sequence complete."

The AI responded a second later. "As you wish, Miss. I've also prepared a safety briefing for you to entirely ignore."

Toni let out a chuckle. "Which I will. Right, let's do this," she said, turning to the whiskey bottle. She knew it would be stupid to take another shoot, but she needed it. _NO, you don't,_ she yelled at herself. _You're turning your father_. In the beginning, Howard was everything a child could want in a parent. But years before his death, he had turned into something that a child would never want, and she was turning into that, which her father never wanted for her.

She closed her eyes for a second as her hand went to the dog tags around her neck. Squeezing them, her mind went to the letter that her father had written to her. He had never blamed her for anything and had begged her not to blame herself for his death or anyone's death. He wanted her to promise him that, and that promise stopped her cold. She had disobeyed him in so many different ways growing up, and she wasn't sure she could disobeyed him with this. How could she spit on his grave like that?

"Miss, may I remind you that you've been awake for nearly seventy-two hours." JARVIS said, snapping Toni back to reality.

Had it really only been that long? "Only that long?" she asked with a smile. "I can do longer." Yes, she could stay up for longer, but she wasn't sure if that was something she could and should be proud of. "Focus up, gentlemen. Good evening, and welcome to the birthing suit." She waved to her armors in front of her. She wasn't sure if this was alcohol talking or if she was just being over the top.

If she wasn't drunk, would she be acting like she was about to give birth? She wasn't sure, but since babies normally scared the shit out of her, she was blaming the whiskey for this metaphor. A clear sign that she had had enough… not that she wanted babies. "I'm pleased to announce the imminent arrival of your bouncing, bad-ass, baby brother." She bowed to the suits before turning away. "Start Titan and go wide, stamp in time. Mark 42 autonomous prehensile propulsion suit test. Initialize sequence."

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

"As always, Boss, a great pleasure watching you work."

Toni groaned from her spot on the ground. Why did she feel like her robots and AI were mocking her? When did she program them to be assholes? Or where they just taking off her? Did she need to work on her parenting skills? "I am so donating you," she sneered as she reached for the face plate. It felt like she had been hit by a bus, and no doubt she would be bruised in a few hours… Probably looking like someone had punched her. Good thing Steve wasn't around or everyone would think it was him. She could see the headlines.

She pushed herself onto her elbow as she glanced at the window. The night sky was clear unlike the day before, and she could see the stars. She used to dream of traveling into space when she was a child, but now, the thought was a nightmare. A death sentence. She could feel her panic start to grow as she thought about it, and she hated herself for it. Why was she so weak? She felt like she-

Toni froze, noticing a silhouette at the window; however, this dark spot wasn't a shadow. Besides the human shape, it was fucken moving, and if someone—namely JARVIS—tried to tell her differently, she was going to blast them to high heavens, as there was _definitely_ someone out there. This person had been watching her as she tested the Mark 42, and Toni was going to find out who the hell this person thought he was. "JARVIS, give me the Mark 7," she said, pushing pieces of the Mark 42 armor away. She eyed the shadow as it vanished into the darkness behind it.

"Miss, my sensors do not-"

"NOW," she snapped, not caring what JARVIS was saying. There was something out there, and she was going to prove it before he got away. No, she wasn't crazy and she was going to punch the asshole that said or hinted it. "And I am so going look over your code as soon as I return."

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

"Miss, I highly recommend you sleep," JARVIS spoke as soon as Toni walked back into the lab.

Feeling like death, the brunette stepped out the Mark 7 and headed toward the stairs. She had been flying around for hours, trying to find this 'shadow,' but as the AI had stated, there was nothing out there. It was like she was searching for a ghost as she tried to find this man… if there was a man. There was no way to confirm that there was something at the window, and how could there be? The AI would've spotted the intruder; plus, the window was over a cliff overlooking the ocean. There was no way someone could've been standing there the whole time and disappear so quickly without detection.

So maybe, it was all in her head? Maybe, JARVIS was right—because let's face it, he hardly ever was wrong-, but that _scared_ her. The AI was the best thing the genius had ever created, and this creation didn't make mistakes. He fixed things, saves her from herself, which was why she relied on him so much. So the AI _couldn'_ t be erroring… it had to be her. Where was Steve when she needed him? He was her rock, her base. He kept her grounded, when nothing else worked. He would tell her that she wasn't crazy, refusing to let her believe it. "JARVIS, enough," she ordered.

"Your brain activity is-"

"Enough," she hissed as she exited her lab, heading to her room. Though she was working on no sleep and she needed to be in bed, the sun had risen, and she had to get to work. Why again did she give Pepper the month off? Why in the hell did she think that was a good idea? And why did Steve have to go off again on some stupid SHIELD assignment? Was Fury trying to kill her? "I have to get ready."

"It would be unwise-"

"Mute," she ordered, knowing she had been muting JARVIS more than she had ever done before. She had been cutting the AI off, stopping him from doing his job. She knew she was being stupid, but she couldn't allow herself to fall apart now. If she did, it would be the end for her. No coming back. If she had to pretend everything was okay to be okay, then she would do it. "I don't have time for this."

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

"So the Iron Patriot…?" Toni asked, teasing Rhodey. She was really shocked to see Jim, but it was a nice surprise, even if the meeting was in the office and not in some bar getting hammered. Even if she promised herself not to break her promise to her father, she couldn't help the desire to drink.

Jim was doing the best Friend title proud as he was giving the genius the once over…many times over. "Listen, War Machine was a little too aggressive, alright? This sends a better message," he said, slowly. There was a hint of annoyance in his voice as he eyed her. "Where's Rogers?" he asked, staring at her. His tone was surprising flat.

Toni ignored the question about Steve as she wasn't exactly sure what Rhodey was going on about. What was he fishing for? Why was he angry? "So what's really goin' on?" she asked, as she would rather talk about anything else but Steve. That flat tone could only mean something bad. "With Mandarin. Seriously, can we talk about this guy?" She said, taking her feet off the desk and leaning forward. Her eyes glanced over to the muted television on the corner.

"It's classified information, Toni," he replied, dryly. "Now where is Rogers?" he asked again. "Why isn't he here?"

Why was it so important to know where the good Captain was? "Rhodey! You have to give me the good stuff? What is going on? Tell me!" she said loudly… surprising loudly as she was tired as all hell.

Jim narrowed his eyes at the genius. There was something dangerous behind those eyes that Toni couldn't read. "There have been nine bombings. The public only knows about three." He paused for a second, hesitating for a second. "Here's the thing, nobody can ID a device. There's no bomb casings," he said, slowly.

Toni leaned back in her chair, itching to reach for her flask. As the urge to drink grew, the promise to her father started to slip. She wondered if the shaking in her hand was noticeable. She hoped not. "You know I can help, just ask. I got a ton of new tech, I got a prehensile, I got a…I got a new bomb disposal. Catches explosions mid-air."

The expressed on Jim's face morphed. "Where the fuck is Rogers? Did he do something? Do I have to beat his ass?"

The change in her Best Friend's tone didn't surprise her, but it still left her a bit stunned. "He's on a mission, saving the world. It's fine," she replied, though she had no idea if it was really fine. She had no idea when Steve would be back… if he would be back for Christmas. She wasn't so sure if that was a bad or good thing since she wouldn't be getting her hopes up. Sure, it was Christmas, but she wouldn't be able to handle the pain of a letdown, if she let herself believe he would be back in time.

Jim didn't back down from this line of questioning, and there was no doubt that he had a lot on his mind to say on the matter. "Why isn't he here?" he demanded.

"Jim," she uttered, taken back by his tone. He was extremely angry, which wasn't something that she was expecting.

"When's the last time you had gotten a good night's sleep?" he asked, his eyes drilling into her. His eyes wandered up and down Toni's small form, eyeing the bags under her eyes.

Toni couldn't lie to Rhodey, not that he would believe her in the first place. "Einstein slept three hours a year. Look what he did?" she replied with a weak smile. It wasn't like she didn't want to sleep; she just couldn't. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw nothing but blood and destruction.

Somehow, the man looked angrier, ready to burst. "People are concerned about you, Toni. I'm concerned about you," he said, loudly. Hurt tones found their way into his voice, mixing into his anger. "And you find this is a joke."

Fighting the urge to look to see if they had an audience, Toni focused on Rhodes. "No, it isn't like that. I'm…" She started, though unable to finish. This wasn't a joke to her, but making jokes and insults was how she dealt with her pain. She doesn't know any other way. If she didn't laugh, she would cry and she didn't cry.

The anger in Jim's face broke as he rounded the desk to get close to Toni. "Tones," he uttered, softly, as he kneed down in front of her. "Talk to me," he said, placing a supportive hand on her knee. His voice was soft and warm as he looked at her. "Tell me the truth."

To be honest, Toni didn't know where to start, where to begin. She wasn't even sure if she could even open her mouth to speak. If she was able to, she wasn't sure words would come out. This was why she needed her Captain, as he understood without any words being said. She didn't know how he did it, but Steve knew what to do or say, even if she threw everything she had at him. Why wasn't he here? Why did he have to go? Didn't he understand that she needed him? …When did she become so attached? Being this dependent was a weakness, damn it.

"Tones," Jim uttered. "Does Steve know how bad-"

"NO," she said, interrupting him. "Are you really going to say Steve should be here instead of saving the world?" she snapped. That surprised the genius as she would've thought that Rhodes, being a soldier, would placing saving the world above her.

His eyes softened. "Yes, Tones. I do," he said, no guilt or shame in his voice. "Is that so hard to understand? You're important to me, and I would and will do anything for you. I thought Steve would do the same, but I guess I'm wrong. He isn't here." There was a bitterness in his voice when he said Steve's name. "How can he just leave you like this? What the hell is wrong with him?"

"Don't," she warned, softly, as she twisted away from Jim. She shoved away his hand and scooted the chair away from him. All of the sudden, it felt really warm in Pepper's office as everything came rushing back to her. The room felt like it was on fire, and she felt like she was going to die as she struggled to breath. The room felt like it was closing in on her, and she needed to get out. She needed to get away, before she lost it.

"Toni," he called, as he got to his feet, following after her. "Stop! Please. Talk to me. This isn't good for you to keep it in." The panic in his voice grew with each step that Toni took from her Best Friend, while concern took over his expression. "Stop."

Not caring about the scene that she was causing, she bolted from Rhodes and passed the many Stark Employees, each giving her a look. She didn't care about the whispers or the stares, as she just needed to get out of there. Everything felt so small, so compact, and she needed air. She needed space to breathe, as she was about to have a full blown panic—no, not panic attack. She _didn'_ t have panic attacks, and she didn't want to have _it_ in the middle of the crowded office, front and central for everyone to see. She didn't need that in the media, as the media would have a field day with it. Sure, she didn't expect her employees to sell her out, but having one of _those_ in public wouldn't go unnoticed.

Thanks to her converses, she was able to make out it of the building in record time, just as she found it almost impossible to breath. Even with her legs shaking beneath her, she made it to the Mark 7 armor before anyone could stop her. She wasn't sure if she was imagining the hot flashes, but she was focused on getting into the Iron Man Suit. Even if she wasn't sure that she had a home, this suit was where she felt the safest. It was where she felt free, strong. It was everything.

"Miss," JARVIS greeted as the suit closed around her. "My diagnosis is that you've experienced a severe anxiety attack," he added without missing a beat.

Toni groans, because she didn't need her AI to tell her that, even if she didn't want to admit it. "JARVIS," she uttered softly, feeling her knees buckle. If it wasn't for the suit, she would be face down on the ground, but her protective AI wouldn't allow that. He was always there for her, even when she didn't know it.

"Shall I put in a call to Captain Rogers?"

"A call won't help," She mutters, sadly. She needed _Steve_ , and she needed more than his voice. His voice at times felt like a slap in the face when all she wanted was him. She needed him, goddamn it. She couldn't deal with reality without him. She couldn't deal with the ghosts without him. And again, goddamn, she _needed_ him. Yes, she knew she was being selfish, putting so much on Steve, but she didn't care… Okay, she did. She didn't want to be a burden. She didn't want to be selfish. She didn't want to be that person, who forced him to choose between something he loved to do and her… but she needed him. She needed him at her side. She needed him to hold her, to tell her that everything was going to be okay. She needed him to be there.

…But she had been selfish enough times in her life, and she couldn't be now…

Maybe, this was a mistake. Maybe, all of this was a mistake. She knew she shouldn't have got too attached and put too much weight on his shoulders. She knew she leaned on him too much, knew she expected too much. Knew that she was making putting too much on him, but she just wanted him. Just wanted something more… Damn it, why was she so selfish? Why couldn't she be strong enough on her own? Why was she so weak? Why—

"Miss," JARVIS called, breaking into her thoughts.

"Take me back to the house," she croaked, tears running down her face. Everything was becoming too much for her.

"As you wish."

Toni didn't respond again as JARVIS took over. Her mind state was too chaotic, and her exhaustion made it all so much worst. Maybe, if she could sleep, it would be better… but sleep was impossible for her. It was something that she would never be able to reach. Maybe, she was cursed. Just destined to fall into insanity like the Stark Way.

* * *

 **The End for now.** I hope to get the out chapter out sooner.

And sorry no Steve in chapter, but he will return.

I hope you enjoy the chapter. Let me know through reviews.

And PS. go watch DareDevil. It was great. I watched it all in two days.

Until next time.


	6. The After Effect

Hello,

I am sorry that it took me so long to get this out. I blame Fan fiction. People know my weakness!

Anyhow, here you go. Let me know what you think.

Again, I do not make any money off this. Marvel is own by Disney, who own everything which may or may not include your soul.

* * *

Chapter 6:

The After Effect

* * *

Captain Steve Rogers was _not_ having a good day, though he could say that he wasn't good week. He was having a horrible week, and he may deny it to anyone who would dare say it, but he was grumpy, angry and bitter. He was tired both of the violence and cruelness of these modern day criminals, who made him sick to his stomach. He had seen _everything_ , but there was no getting used to it. After seeing it over and over again, he was tired; plus, after everything that had happened in the last few weeks, he was ready to go _home_. For him, home wasn't a specific place, but rather, a person, a certain loud mouth, smart ass woman, who couldn't shut up to save her life. However, the strong-willed, stubborned Toni was home for him, and though he had felt like this for some time, he had no idea why or when he started to feel like this, feel like Toni was _home._

"Okay over there, Cap?" Clint asked from the pilot seat. His eyes were focused forward, but his attention was on Rogers.

"Fine," he muttered, softly. His mind was on Toni and how exhausted she looked when he left her. He hated that he had to leave her, and it was a battle to leave her alone—Yes, Bruce was there, but he didn't count… well not to Steve. The only person who counted was him, and as soon as he could, he would be at her side. There would be no stopping him.

Natasha was sitting at the communication station, typing away, but she was also keeping a close eye on the Captain. She hadn't spoken a word in the last hour or so, and it was clear that she wouldn't be saying anything soon, though she was interested in their conversion. Her eyes were flicking between Steve and the monitor even time he spoke.

"Don't worry, Cap. You'll see Stark soon," Rumlow said from the back of the quinjet. He was nose deep in the mission debriefs, barely looking anywhere else, but there was a small grin on his face. His STRIKE team sat next to him with only a few words here or there from Rollins. "And I'm sure you'll make all the newspapers happy with your reunion."

Steve wasn't sure what Rumlow was hinting at, but he wasn't in the mood to guess. He just wanted to return to DC as soon as possible to hand in their report to Fury, and then, book it to California. After that, there would be nothing keeping him from Toni's side. There was a rotting, nasty feeling in his gut, and it got worst with each second. Natasha had said it before at the tower, and he had no doubt that it was still true. Toni probably hadn't slept a wink since he left, not that he had gotten much sleep as well. He just laid awake as he wanted-

Natasha's elevated voice cut through Steve's thoughts and the jet as her voice risen two folds. "How did you get this frequency?" she asked, clearly annoyed. "This is a secured SHIELD channel. How did you get the authorization?" The assassin's voice was firm and smooth, refusing let her annoyance show.

"Everything okay, Nat?" Clint asked, turning slightly. He was giving her look before he returned his glaze to the controls.

The Widow left out a harsh sigh as she turned to Steve. "I have a fluming Colonel Rhodes on the line. He wants to talk to you, Rogers, and something tells me this conversion won't be pretty."

Narrowing his eyes, Steve pushed off the wall of the Quinnjet and turned to Natasha. "Is everything okay?" he asked, as fear creeped into his mind. There could only be one reason why Rhodes was calling: Toni.

"Do you see my face?" she asked, her eye twitching, as she lid off the communication head piece and handed it to Steve. "It's too late, and I am too tired to deal with this shit."

Steve didn't waste any time as he took the head set from her and put it on. He could feel every eye on him as Natasha unmuted the comm. "Rhodes?" he spoke into the mic. "Is everything okay? Did something happen?" He didn't like being this far away from Toni, unable to see her daily. Unable to talk to her. He hated the radio silence required for SHEID missions, especially when she was struggling with her guilt. If there was a way he could go back in time and fix it, he would, even if it meant losing her.

Jim didn't respond at first, only letting out an angry grunt. It took the Colonel a few tries to get words out, and when he did, they were anything but friendly. "Does everything sound okay, _Captain_?" he sneered, coldly.

Though Steve hadn't had many one on one conversions with the man—only talking to him when Toni was around, he hadn't even heard this man angry. Even when Toni had almost blew herself up countless times, Jim—sure, irate—was never this level of mad, which meant something _bad_ had happened. "What's wrong? Is there something wrong with Toni?!" he asked, his concern leaking through.

"Oh, right. You wouldn't know!" Rhodes yelled, loudly and harshly.

Steve had to pull the speaker away from his ear, as Jim's shrieking was painfully loud. "What happened?" he asked, trying to keep his cool. Yelling back at Rhodes would do nothing but make this situation worse; besides, he was a soldier. He could handle being yelled it; in fact, it was a normal for his line of work. However, there was something different about it when Toni was involved.

Jim didn't answer right away, and though Steve couldn't see him, he could almost see and hear his locked jaw and grinding teeth. "I trusted you with her," he finally snapped. "I trusted you to be there! I trusted you to take care of her! I thought you would be good for her. Thought you would be _there_ for her, unlike everyone else who had ever stepped into her life. Thought you were different. I-"

Unable to take this anymore, Steve interrupted the Colonel as he ranted. "I _am,_ " he snapped. No one was going to tell him that he didn't love Toni, no one. "Colonel, what happened?" he demanded in his Captain's voice. He was tired of this game and he just wanted Jim to spit it out already. "What happened?" he asked, demanding. He could feel a few heads turn toward him, and Steve wondered if Natasha could hear Jim as he was speaking so loudly. He didn't doubt it, judging by Natasha's stiff form. "Jim," he said, his voice calming again.

"What do you think?" Jim snapped back. "She's smells of whiskey and covered in bruises. She isn't sleeping, Rogers!" He sneered. "To make things worse, she's seeing things according to JARVIS. So how do you think she is? Think she's coping? No!" Rhodes paused for a second, taking a few deep breaths. "And where the hell are you during this? Gone. Abandoned her. Which works out for you, as I don't care that you're an American Icon. I'll beat your ass regardless."

It felt like someone had punched him in the gut. It felt like someone took his legs out from under him. "Seeing things?" he uttered, his voice cracking.

"Yes," Rhodes said, sounding calmer at the sound of the heartbreak in Steve's voice. "Now, what are you going to do about it, Rogers?"

Steve's hands balled at his side, because he knew exactly what he was going to do, and he didn't care what Fury or anyone said. "I-"

"Shit," Clint cursed, interrupting Steve before he could finish his sentence.

Rumlow was moving before anyone else could react. "What's up, Barton?" he asked, eyeing the controls.

"The Autopilot had kicked on and changed our course," Clint replied, as he started to switch controls and gain control of the jet. "Won't go back to Manual."

Natasha's eyes scanned through the codes on the monitor in front of her, looking for some kind of the hack. Even if she wasn't a computer expect, it only took her a few seconds to find the cause. "We're being hacked," she replied, coldly. "I'm looking for the hacker now."

Not even a second later, a voice echoed through the guinnjet. "I am sorry, Agent Barton and Romanoff, but I am in need of Captain Rogers."

Steve's eyes widened as he looked up- out of habit. "JARVIS?" he uttered, shocked. He could hear Rhodes, yelling in his ear, but he didn't pay much attention to the Colonel, as he was too focused on the AI.

"What does Stark want?" Clint asked, still fighting to regain control over the craft. His tone switched from Anger to annoyance. His eye was twitching as he fought the AI for control. "Tell her to give me back my bird. Like her, I don't like to share either!"

JARVIS replies, "Miss Stark does not know about my intrusion, and she will not be pleased to learn of it."

Natasha's expression changed as her hands dropped to her lap. "What's wrong, JARVIS?" she asked, leaning back in her chair. Her tones changed from annoyance to concern, though there was hint of something. "Did Stark do something?"

Steve's heart was racing, as worry and guilt rushed through him, and he had to do something. Screw everything, Screw Fury. Toni needed him and he was going to go to her no matter what, though it seemed like that was already happening thanks to the AI. There was no doubt that was JAVIS' plan when he hijack the jet. But, Steve couldn't help but wonder why Toni hadn't called him herself?

JAVIS didn't answer right away. "Miss Stark is in need of Captain Rogers' presence, and as I am programed to serve her every need, I am retrieving him for her."

Clint's eyes widen. "Is JARVIS turning into Skynet?" he asked, pretending to be scared.

Natasha glared at Clint before turning her attention back to JARVIS. "You didn't answer my answer. Is Stark alright?"

Steve didn't need the AI to answer that to know that she wasn't. Both JARVIS and Rhodes' actions were telling enough. JARVIS wouldn't do this unless something horrible had happened to Toni, and he knew something did as he had a yelling Rhodes in his ear. "Okay, JARVIS," he said, "Take me to Toni."

Rumlow looked back and gave him a calculated, narrowed look. "Fury wants us back in DC as soon as possible, Cap."

Not caring if Rhodes was still on the line or not, Steve took off the headset, handed it to Natasha, and gave Rumlow a harsh look. He did trust the man, unlike Toni, but he had to admit that there was something off about the man. "Just drop me off. You don't need me for the debrief," he replied.

"The Director would-"

Natasha gave Rumlow a cold look, stopping him in his tracks. "Don't, Rumlow. You won't win this fight, and I have to admit that I'm worried about Stark myself," she said. "Besides, it will be worth checking on her as we don't want an insane Iron Man."

Giving up the fight for control, Clint leaned back in the pilot seat. "And there's no fighting JARVIS. He's Skynet and going take over the world, and I don't want to be on his bad side when he does. Right, JARVIS?" he asked with a chuckle.

"You would be correct, Agent Barton. For your compliance, you will be rewarded."

If Steve wasn't so damn worried, he would've laughed, but there was only one thing on his mind, and that was getting to Toni. Between Rhodes and JARVIS, he knew that it was bad, and the idea of Toni suffering didn't sit well with him. It felt like a stab to the heart, knowing that she couldn't sleep; it felt like he had failed her. It felt like he had abandoned everything that he had promised her.

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

At first, Steve expected the team to drop him off and leave, but Natasha and Clint followed him off the jet and into Toni's Mansion. Even though they looked calmed, they were worried about their genius and wanted to check on her before they and the STRIKE team took off for DC. Though Toni might not see it, she meant a lot to this team, and they would do whatever it took to keep her safe. Anything.

Natasha and Clint were a few feet behind the Captain, letting him take the lead, and they allowed the distance to grow between them as he raced into the house. They were letting him be the first into the house, the first to reach her. Though no one had seen the brunette yet, everyone knew it had to be Steve to find her first, as he would be the only one who would be able to talk her down. She didn't listen well to others—not that he listened well to him.

JARVIS may have told Steve exactly where Toni was, but he didn't need the AI to tell him. He knew exactly where she would be as there was only one place that the genius felt at home: her lab. There was no denying that it was her safe haven, the first place that she ran to, whenever the need arose. For her, it was where she felt like herself, and for everyone else, it was the Pentagon, the hardest place for anyone to be invited. She guarded it like nothing else, building high walls to protect it.

When Steve first met Toni (excluding the time traveling), he wasn't allowed anywhere hear the lab, not trusting him in her safe haven. As time went on and with baby steps, he was slowly allowed into her lab for a growing amount of time, and though they didn't speak much in the lab, he had never felt closer to the brunette. Watching her work, he learned who she was, understanding the kind of person she was. Even if she wore a mask most of the time, he could see how much she cared, how much she was willing to risk to help others. He saw how much she worried about the world around her. How could he not fall for a woman, who was so selfless?

Skipping steps, Steve quickly made his way down to the labs with only one thought on his mind. The idea that the strong, stubborn, iron-willed genius whom he loved with all of his heart was hurting made him sick to his stomach, and he wanted to punch the man or thing that had done this to her. He wanted to destroy whatever had hurt, and he would do anything to protect her from getting hurt again.

Leaving the two agents in his dust, the Captain was the first one in the lab, and it only took him a few seconds to spot the genius. She was hunched over her work station, working on what appeared to be her suit, but it was her shivering that caught his attention. As Toni held the screwdriver, it shook, and he could see the anger inside of her grow as she tried to control her trembling. He could see the frustration grow as she held her shaking hand. He could see when she had given up when her shoulders dropped. At the sight of it, he felt his heart drop.

Not caring about anything else, Steve rushed to her side, and without hesitation, he pulled the shaky genius into his arms. She felt cold to the touch, barely moving in his arms, but it didn't last long. The second that that he wrapped his arms around her was the second that she started to struggle against him. At first, he thought it was because he had startled her, but with a few 'Toni, it's me. Calm down,' he realized this was something else. It was worse than he thought, and he could feel his heart break as he listened to her cries.

"No, No," she yelled, trembling. She placed her hands flat against Steve's chest and pushed off, trying to break his grip. "Let go! Let me go!" She yelled, cursing at him. "I don't want y-you!" She fought against him, struggling to get out of his arms. "Stop. Let go! I don't need your help! I need to work! Let me work!" She cried out, tears running down her face.

Steve placed a soft kiss to her head. "Toni."

Still fighting, Toni closed her eyes and pounded her hands against his chest. "Please, Steve," she cried out. "Please." Her voice was heartbreaking. "W-who the hell called you?!" She paused for a second, anger growing. "W-why did JARVIS call y-you?" She let out hard, loud sob. "I'm not weak. I-I'm not seeing t-things!" She was shaking as she bawled. "N-not weak. Not pathetic."

"Come on. Talk to me, Toni," he asked, almost begging. Even with her struggling, Steve tucked her head under his chin and held her tight. "No, you aren't," he said, strongly. "When is the last time you slept?" he asked into her hairline.

"D-didn't call y-you! I'm f-fine! I a-am-"

Steve ran her hand down her back. "I know, Doll Face," he said, breaking out his Brooklyn accent. He knew how tough the woman in his arms was and how she would fight like hell to get what she wanted. He knew she wasn't the type to give up, but this woman was breaking, and he hated that. He would do whatever it took to make sure that didn't happen and to make sure that his brilliant genius was okay back. "I know."

Toni was still fighting in his arms and didn't answer alright away. However, after a few long minutes, her struggles died down and she went stiff in his arms. "I-I didn't tell J-JARVIS to call you." Closing her eyes, she buried her face in his chest, and it was hard to make out what she was saying. She was shaking, crying heavily, and no matter how he held her, he could not calm her. Her sobs were loud and wet, but Steve didn't care. The only thing he cared about was comforting her, loving her. "S-Steve," she uttered into his chest. "I d-didn't…."

"I know." He really wished she had called him, but he knew why she didn't: her insecurities. She was always worried she was more of a burden than anything else. He placed a soft kissed to the top of her head, as he softly rocked her gently in his arms. Her shaking had finally calmed and she was all but stilled in his arms while he held her. However, Steve didn't liked this side of Toni, as a silent genius was never a good sign. "Talk to me," he said, swaying back and forth.

"Y-you'll t-think I'm crazy," she uttered, sobbing into his chest. "Y-you'll l-leave me. T-too m-much work for you. B-broken." Her fists were buried into his uniform, holding on to Steve for dear life.

Steve's hold tightened as he tried to control his anger. He knew that there were few different factors, a few different reasons, why the woman he loved was breaking in his arms; however, that didn't help his anger. He needed someone or thing to focus on, because he wanted- needed to punch someone in the face. He needed to take his anger out on someone. Seeing Toni like this was the last thing that he ever wanted to see. "You're not broken, Toni. You're perfect."

"N-no," she cried out, tears running down her face. "Not Perfect."

He didn't need anyone to tell him that she hadn't slept in days, because he could see it, feeling it. She couldn't fight her way out of a wet paper bag in her current state. He also knew that he wouldn't be able to get through to her until she slept. In a sleep derived sleep haze, she wouldn't be able to listen to reason. Being awake for days, it was like she was drunk, and she was unable to think clearly, logically. "Let's get you to bed."

"No, c-can't sleep!" she cried, loudly. "P-please."

He shushed her softly as he continued to rock her. "It's okay. I'm not going anyway, Doll Face." There was no way in hell that he was leaving Toni's side for the foreseeable future. Sure, he would have to leave her side at some point as he was Captain America, but that would have to wait a few weeks. Not leaving her now. Not her guilt. "I promise you that."

"Y-you gone all Brooklyn, Cap," she said, into his chest. "I like it. Now go put on that sexy, 1940's desk uniform then slowly take it off."

Steve smiled softly, relieved to see her playfulness come out. "I got you, Doll," he replied, purposely playing up his Brooklyn accent. Usually, he hid his accent, kept it under wraps. He wasn't ashamed of it; he would never be ashamed of where or how he grew up. However, his accent seemed to fade the more and more he spent away from Brooklyn, and soon, it was work to keep the accent.

Toni laughed softly in his chest, but she still had a death grip on his uniform, not letting go for anything. "I need my Brooklyn soldier," she said, faintly. Her voice was soft, barely audible.

"You have me," he said, as he ran the tips on his hands up and down her back. Once he calmed her down, he would take her to bed like he had done before, and like before, he was going to crawl in with her. He needed to sleep just as much as she did. "And I'm not going anywhere." The genius didn't respond, only nodding against his chest. "Not leaving you for the world." It was a dangerous statement, considering who they were, and what they faced daily, but he wasn't going to leave her unless it was the end of the world.

Rocking her and talking to her softly, Steve didn't know how much time had passed, but the genius had since fallen asleep in his arms. His heart warmed at the sight of the brunette resting in his arms, sign how much she trusted, and he couldn't help but smile as there was no one else that he wanted in his arms, no one else that he was willing to die for. Yes, he would give up his life for the greater good, but with Toni, it was more. He would do _anything_ to make sure she never felt pain. Do _anything_ to save her.

He had never felt so helpless in his life, and he hated it. _Hated_ it. He hated that he had to pick. How could he chose between the woman he loved and saving people—his purpose? Both way, he would lose a part of himself, and he didn't know how to live without either. He was a soldier, and saving people was what he did, what he lived for. He had been a soldier for so long that he didn't know how to live a normal life. How to live without war. He didn't know who he would be if he wasn't Captain America, but at the same time, he didn't know how to live without Toni.

Was it strange that he was already so attached to this woman? Maybe, but he didn't care…though maybe he should be. Like with most people, this level of attachment should scare the shit out of him, but it didn't— He couldn't remember a time that he didn't love Toni, a time that she wasn't important to him. In fact, he had used this feeling to drive him. It gave him something to come home to; it gave him something to fight for, when he felt alone. He had something—someone to come home too, when everything went to hell. He needed that like he needed air, which was why it hurt like hell to see Toni like this, and it made it all the worst, when he had no idea of how to help her. He had no idea of how to get her sleep, besides forcing her, and that felt wrong. The idea of sedating her felt like a betrayal, and that feeling made his blood boil. It made his skin crawl. But he was at a loss of what to do, and he hated that. It f-

"How is she?" Natasha asked from the doorway. With her arms folded across her chest, she was leaning against the doorway, eyeing them.

Steve's grip on the Brunette tightened, but the genius didn't stir. "Sleeping." His voice was strained as he glanced back to Natasha and Clint, who were eyeing the sleeping woman in his arms. They were clearly concerned about her, even if they had good poker faces. "I need to get her to bed."

"And I will handle, Fury," Clint said, taking a step forward. There was a look in his eyes that even Steve would be weary of; it screamed fight. It screamed that he was ready to ride into battle and win, and only a fool would doubt him. "You stay here and take care of Stark, Rogers. Nat and I will take care of Fury."

Natasha nodded as she pushed off the wall. She didn't say much at first, only staring at the stilled genius in Steve's arms. Toni was gone to the world at the moment, but it was transparent that her sleep was anything but peaceful. She was covered in sweat and was shivering. "She'll be wearing a mask in the morning. Are you ready for that fight?" she asked.

There was something in her voice that Steve couldn't read, but he didn't like it. Sure, Toni and Natasha got along for the most part—better if Toni didn't push Natasha's buttons for fun, but the spy wasn't so sure of the relationship between Toni and Steve, which annoyed him. Sure, Toni didn't have the best track record with relationships, and she was terrified of commitment, but this was different. It felt different. "Yes," he said, smoothly, as he slowly got to his feet.

She gave him a look, challenging the Captain with her eyes. After a few minutes of just staring, she turned from Steve, scanning the entire lab. The state of the lab was a clear sign of the battle that was ragging in Toni's head, and it wasn't good. Though Toni wasn't neat in general, the lab was in a complete disarray, and it was a wonder that she was in one piece, considering the number of broken and destroyed objects that lined the floor. It was no wonder why JARVIS felt the need to hijack the quinnjet. "I don't think you understand the battle that you're in for, Steve," she retorted. There was a tone, not quite angry but not quite calm.

Clint narrowed his eyes. "Natasha," he said, a silent warning in his voice.

Natasha turned to her fellow SHIELD agent and met his glaze. "I'm not saying she isn't worth it," she explained. "I'm just saying this isn't something you hug out, Rogers. This is going to take work. _Hard_ work and a strong will. You can _never_ give up, no matter how bad it looks or feels. No matter what." She took a deep breath and turned back to the Captain. "I…" She started before drifting off. "Though I can't understand what she's going through, I know how it feels to reach rock bottom and be overwhelmed by one's own past. I know how it feels not to know which way is up, Steve."

At first, Steve didn't know what to make of what Natasha was saying. Besides Clint, no one fully knew her story, as she refused to even hint at her past. He knew the basic story, a former Russian Assassin turned SHIELD agent, but that was it. He didn't know her story, struggle, her pain, or if he could trust her. He had no idea what her motivations or her driving force, and it drove him nuts. How could you trust someone if you have no idea of who she or he was? "What are you hinting at?" he asked.

"How hard are you willing to fight for her? S-Toni is going to need someone to call her on her shit, even when all she does is swing. She's going to need someone to take care of her, but yet, force her to do it herself. She needs support, but she needs to want to help herself…" She paused for a second. "She might need more than you can give," Natasha said, staring at him. "So what are you willing to do? Willing to let someone else help if and when you can't?"

He knew what she was hinting at, because he was struggling. He was already feeling like he had failed her. "I have her," he said, strongly. "I'm not letting go."

"And what if she needs something you can't give?" Natasha pushed.

Steve didn't like what Romanoff was saying, but he kept his cool. "Whatever she needs, I'll make sure she gets it."

Clint let out a loud sigh as he needed a knife to cut the tension in the room. "Then get her to bed. Nat and I have a date with a pirate," he said, breaking the silence, as his eyes shifted between the two. Natasha didn't say another word as she turned and left. There was a stiffness in her shoulder as she walked up the steps, and that didn't sit well with anyone. "…She's just worried about our genius," the Archer added. "As are the rest of us."

Steve stared at Toni, holding her tight against his chest. Under the lights, he could see all of the marks and dark spots on her skin. He could see the dark shadows on her face; he could see the exhaustion written on her face, and it killed him. He hated to see how run down she was. Hated how pale and thin she was. Had she not been eating? Did she hide in her lab the whole time? "I know," he said, softly.

Clint took a deep breath as his eyes rested on Toni for a few long seconds. "Take care of her. I mean it, Rogers," he said before he turned and walked up the steps.

At first, the order annoyed Steve as he didn't need to be told that, but he knew he was being silly. Like him, everyone was worried about Toni, and it was understandable how protective they were being. It really was, but there was something inside of him that balked at the idea. He had no idea as to why, but what he did know was that he needed to get Toni to bed.

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

Like he had done before, he undressed Toni and put her into something comfortable, which left him slightly red in the face. Though he had seen her naked before, he couldn't get over how beautiful she was even with the scars, and he wanted nothing more than to touch her, kiss her. Making _love_ to her. However, it wasn't the time for sex, as she needed rest more than she needed his dick—though his dick didn't seem to understand that, and he hated himself for even allowing that thought to enter his mind. Right now, Toni needed rest, and he was going to make sure she got it.

Laying her down in the bed, he was a bit surprised that she hadn't awoke. Though he tried to be as gentle as he could, there was only so much he could do without disturbing her. While tugging off her pants, he could only do so much not to shake her too much. However, considering how tired she was, he could understand why she hadn't stir, though it scared him slightly. He couldn't help but wonder when the last time she had slept _well_? Was it a few weeks ago before he left? Was she really peacefully sleeping now? Steve couldn't be sure.

Letting his eyes wander up her body, Steve studied her as he tried to get a reading. His eyes stopped on the cold metal hanging around her neck, and though he couldn't read them from this distance, he knew what was on the dog tags. As he stared, he wondered if she ever took them off. From what he could see, it didn't look like she did, and Steve wasn't sure of the emotion that bubbled up inside of him, but it didn't stop him from changing out of his uniform and crawling into bed with her. He felt her tremor slightly as he wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. She felt warm—hot really to the touch as he placed a kiss to her forehead. "I got you, Toni. I got you," he said softly into her hairlines. "Never letting you go."

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

When Steve came to the next morning, he was alone in the bed, which didn't sit well with the Captain. With a cold bed, his first thought was that she went back to the lab to work herself death, which turned his stomach. Readying for a fight, there was no hesitation as he jumped out of bed and onto his feet. There was only one thought on his mind, and that was Toni's well-being. He had to find her, go to her, hold her; however, he didn't have to go far to find Toni, who was standing a few feet from him at her floor to ceiling window. With her arms wrapped around herself, she was staring out at the calm ocean.

The Genius stood like a statue, not even twitching, in the bitter, cold air. Not changing out of what Steve had put her in the night before, Toni was wearing shorts and a loose t-shirt. Frozen for a few seconds, he eyed her, studying every mark on her pale skin. Though he had noticed the marks before, the dark bruise seemed all the more noticeable. Though the welt from Natasha had long since faded, there was a new angry bruise riding up her back and onto her shoulder. He had no idea of how Toni obtained the bruise, but it angered him deeply.

"JARVIS call you?" Toni asked, breaking the silence. Her voice was hoarse, as if she had been yelling all night.

"Yes," Steve answered as he made his way toward her. The AI had been surprisingly quiet since he had arrived, and the Captain didn't know what to make of it. If JARVIS was human, Steve would've thought he was too chicken to speak. However, there was no doubt in Steve's mind that the AI was thinking ahead, forming a plan.

"I told JARVIS not to. I'm fine. Not infant."

"I know you aren't." Steve tried not to take it personally, but it was hard. "And JARVIS didn't give me much of a choice. He hijacked the jet. He's protective, which I count as a plus. Glad to have someone to keep an eye on you."

Toni's hands tightened around her, her hands digging into her shirt. "So do you even want to be here?" she asked, her voice breaking. "Or just forced? You have other things to do? You know Captain America and all."

"There's nowhere else I would rather be," he protested, strongly. He inched toward, not liking the distance between them. He had already spent weeks away from her, and he didn't want to waste another second apart of her. He hated those long weeks away from her, hated that she was left to her guilt alone.

She snorted as she turned to him. "I can think of a few places." Her tone and eyes were cold.

Steve hated when she got like this, so negative and insecure, but he supposed it was his fault for leaving her alone for so long. "Trust me, there isn't," he said, putting on smile. His eyes wandered up her form again, stopping at the dog tags which laid over her shirt. As she usually had them hidden under her shirt and close to her heart, he could guess that she had been recently holding them.

Toni was silence for a few long moments, a horrible sign. This woman loved to talk, and she would speak just to listen to her own voice. She cracked insults like a game, but now, she was silent, deadly silent. In complete stillness, her eyes were drilling into him, looking for something, while her right hand dropped from her side and worked its way up to the dog tags. However, it was the tears that were forming in her eyes that caught his attention.

"Toni," he spoke, softly, as he reached forward and pulled gently into his arms. Without wasting a second, she nestled her head on his should and buried her face in his neck. He could feel her hot breath on his skin, as he held her firmly in his arms. "Toni."

The sun was peaking over the hills and cliffs and casting a soft light in the room. "I…I can't sleep," she spoke, softly.

"I know," he replied. He wanted to get her back into bed, but hearing her, it might not be the best idea. "Why don't you call off today and we do something. Just the two of us. Get a Christmas Tree or something."

Toni's fingered buried themselves in his shirt, holding onto him for dear life. "I…I keep seeing things."

"It's okay. I have you, Toni."

"No, i-it isn't, Steve." She asked, her voice was cracking. Almost breaking. "No, it isn't."

"It is. Trust me, Shellhead." Though Steve didn't want to admit it, he knew about the side effects of sleep deprivation; he knew about the mental state of a person who couldn't sleep, who went without sleep for days. It wasn't abnormal to see things when you hadn't been sleeping, so it didn't worried him too much. What worried him was the fact that she hadn't been sleeping in the first place. "What do you want to do?" he asked, his fingers running up and down her back. "We'll do whatever you want to do. Though we should eat first."

Again, Toni was silent, as she buried herself in his chest. She remained stilled for a few long minutes as tears fell from her eyes. "Are you planning in cooking? That might kill me," she finally teased. Her voice was hoarse.

"Hey," he said, playing hurt. "My cooking isn't bad. Now, yours on the other hand." Though the circumstances might not be the best, jokes and teasing was how he was going to get Toni back to normal…if there was a normal. If Natasha was correct—not that she was ever wrong, it was going to be a battle unlike any that he had faced before.

Toni chuckled lightly as she leaned heavily against Steve. "Hey, now," she said, quietly. "I can cook."

The sun had since risen, blasting the room with bright light. "Then, let's find out," he said.

"Then let's go. Hop to it," she said, patting him on his arm, as she pushed off his slightly.

Steve held back his frown at the dark mark on her face that he hadn't notice before. Did someone hit her? Or one of her inventions? "Hop to what?" he asked, eyeing her.

She smiled brightly as she looked up at him. It was like last night was completely forgotten and she hadn't freaked out on him. "Well what the point of having a strong, handsome soldier if he doesn't carry me around like a princess?" she asked, grinning. "So hope to it."

He couldn't help but laugh as he placed a hand under her legs and picked her up, holding her bride style. "Well, of course," he replied, as she rested her head against his shoulder. "But I require payment."

"Oh yea? What is that?" Toni asked, giving him a look.

Steve's smile was huge as he stared down at her. Sure, this wasn't going to be easy, and this wasn't going to be a fast fix, but as he looked down, he knew it was all worth it. Toni Stark, even if she didn't believe it, was worth it, and he would fight an army to be with her. It would be worth it to see her smile, to know that she was happy. It would be worth it to hold her in his arms. "You." Even with the dark mark on her face, she was beautiful.

* * *

 **The End for now!** I hope the wait wasn't too bad... The next chapter may or may not take awhile. Depends on whether I am dead from all of the Civil War clips. that movie is so going to kill us.

Kill me.

So you may or may not see all of the fun stuff that I intend for the next chapter.


	7. Reality VS Reality

Sorry it took me so long to get this chapter out.

But here you go.

I hope you like it.

* * *

 **Chapter 7:**

 **Reality Vs Reality**

* * *

Toni might have been able to take a day off and play hooky with Steve, but unfortunately, she couldn't do that every day like she wanted to. Stark Industries did not run itself, even though JARVIS ran a lot of the day to day operations, and she couldn't take more than a day off, even if it was her own damn name on the walls. God, she missed Pepper. Why did she let her leave again? Oh, wait, she knew why. It was for their friendship or –what was left of their relationship. It was an olive branch in a sense, trying to repair what was broken between them.

With a deep breath, Toni leaned back in the chair to stare up at the ceiling. Not finding the will or the energy to work, Toni pushed away from her desk and tossed a stress ball up into the air. She knew she was catching a few stares as the ball flew high in the air, almost hitting the ceiling, but no one said anything to her, probably out of fear—it _was_ her name on the building. Lately, she hadn't been a ball of fun, almost biting people's heads off. Sure, having Steve around had relaxed her, and for the most part, she was calm—which was noticeable, but she still was a bit off putting; still mouthy.

Toni popped the stress ball up again, but as her mind wandered, she put too much force in it, and it flew over her head. Not thinking about the outcome, she threw herself back in her chair as she tried to catch the stress ball high in the air. Her eyes never left the ball, as she chased after the ball, which went flying over her head. In her mind, she saw herself catching the ball with little trouble, but that wasn't what happened. Instead of gracefully, the office chair went flying out from underneath her, and in her surprise, she landed on her face as she was unable to stop herself. With her mind focused on the ball, she paid no attention to her angle or path, and she smacked the floor hard before she realized that was happening. If face planting was bad enough, the chair landed on her _hard_.

The genius groaned loud, as the chair pinched her legs, pinning her. "Fuck me," she cursed, as she tried to kick the heavy chair off her, though she couldn't get the chair to move an inch. With a deep sigh, Toni glanced at the window, still trying to get the chair off her legs. Her eyes scanned the area outside the office window, though there wasn't much she could look at. Her office was good for people watching, which was what she did for a few seconds, as she was still trapped under the chair. Though in those few seconds, she cursed those idiots, who weren't trapped—though she had no one to blame besides herself. However, she refused to blame herself. She, Toni Stark, was never at fault…

People watching, Toni's mind drifted from the chair on his legs. Stark Industries had diversity, which both Toni and Pepper were proud of, and almost every single employee looked different, each with different stories. Sometimes, she just watched her employees and wondered who they were—what were their life stories. Sure, she played the path of a cold 'bitch', protesting her feeling until she was blue in the face, but she did care, though she didn't like to admit it. That was an invite for someone to hurt you, and that was the one thing that scared the shit out of her, which was why it took an army to get into her heart.

That was why there were a limited number of people who had the key to her heart, and if she lost one of those people, it was a shot to her heart, which she didn't know to handle. No, she _couldn't_ handle it. She didn't know how to handle the emotions, which was why her guilt over Bucky's death was eating her alive. It was why she was seeing him everywhere, though that could be the lack of sleep. It was no secret that sleep deprivation had a few side effects, and seeing things was one of those things. So seeing Bucky everywhere was nothing, which was what Toni told herself daily. That was what she always told herself, because she didn't know what to do. She didn't know how to process anything that didn't involve numbers and complicated equations.

For example, the brunet man outside the window wasn't James "Bucky" Barnes, but rather, a look alike. Even if he was a few yards away and a standing at an angle, the man looked remarkably like the soldier, but it wasn't him. It just wasn't, even if he stood or looked just like him. Unable to clear her mind, Toni forgot the chair on her legs as she stared at the man. Though his shoulder length hair blocked most of his face, he had firm jaw lines much like a certain dead soldier, and though his body was hidden in a large hoodie, it was clear that there were body doubles of each other. In fact, if it wasn't for the fact that she _knew_ he was dead, she would have thought it was him.

This was the point that she started to fight with herself, as she flashed back to all the times that she had thought she saw him. She didn't know why she kept fighting against the logic—against realty. Bucky _was_ dead, and there was no doubt about that. Sure, they never found a body—not that they would find a body; however, there was no way he would have survived, and if he did, he would be at least 90 years old. Unlike the Cap, Bucky wasn't a super solder and couldn't be a Popsicle. He wouldn't be able to survive those extremes like Steve, even if Toni wished he could.

The genius didn't know why she was fighting it so much, why she wanted to believe that he was alive even if it was impossible. Sure, she cared for Barnes, and he was important to both her and Steve, but it was something else, and she knew it. Maybe, it was anger. She was mad at him, pissed that he had broken his promise to her. How dare he tell her that he would be back then not come back? Did he not understand that people weren't allowed to leave her? Did he not understand that she didn't—couldn't handle abandonment? That she had abandonment issues? Okay, she knew she was being unfair, because it wasn't his fault. If he had any choice, he would be at her side, and she knew it.

Toni glanced back up at the mystery man, but the Bucky lookalike was gone, feeling like a blow to a stomach. It felt like someone had put their hand through her chest and pulling out her heart, and it was that feeling that made her want to chase after the man, but with the chair on her legs, it was harder said than done. Having lost the feeling in her legs, she was unable to kick the chair off her—not that she could even feel her legs-, and reaching back was painful. She had no idea why it felt like a hundred of pounds were on her legs, but it felt like—

"Miss Stark! Are you okay?"

The genius almost flinched at the voice, as the chair was suddenly removed from her leg. "What?" she asked, as the blood went rushing back to her legs. Her legs were tingling and it was almost painful. As if on their own, her eyes wandered back to the spot where the Bucky Lookalike stood, and she could feel the urge to go after him, though he knew it was completely stupid. If she did go after the stranger, it would prove that she was crazy, which she was not. Could not be! Damn it all and her fucking legs.

"Miss Stark?" the man asked as he put a hand on her shoulder, drawing her attention to him.

As if she had been burnt, Toni pushed off the man's hand and rolled away from him. "Stranger Danger," she yelled, as she pressed her back against the wall and scanned the room. "I repeat! Stranger Danger," she yelled, as she tried to get her legs to any anything. The only thing she felt was numbing pain, and no matter what she did, her legs felt dead.

The man's eye brow rose as he offered a hand to the genius. "I wasn't expecting you, Miss Stark. I was looking for Miss Potts. However, it is a pleasure."

Toni looked up at the man, giving him a hard look. The man wasn't ugly, but he wasn't Steve Rogers. Definitely not Steve's level, though he could be handsome if he gave up that fake blond hair. It really just aged him out, and if Toni was in the mood, she would call him out on it. "Oh, she's on her much needed vacation," she replied, not taking his hand. "Did she have a meeting with you? I didn't see you on the schedule—not that I looked. Who needs a calendar? But I guess it would be helpful at this moment. Who are you?"

The man gave her a look as he continued to hold out his hand to her. "We have met before. It was –"

"I'm going to stop you right there," she interrupted, finally able to wriggle her toes, though that was all she could do. "The restate up here is too valuable to waste on names," she said, pointing to her head. "Now what do you want?"

His hand dropped to his side, as he took a step back. His eyes narrowed as she refused his help and used the wall for support. For a few seconds, he watched her slowly get the feeling back in her legs. "I was hoping to speak with Pepper."

Toni's legs still felt like Jell-O and hurt like hell, but she refused to let that show on her face. This man annoyed her, and she refused to let him see that. She also didn't like the use of Pepper's name, because only Happy, Rhodes, and she were allowed to use it. Why the hell did he think he could use her nickname? She should be 'Miss Potts' to him. Plus, it was her damn name on the building not Pepper or anyone else. She had a right to be here. "Geez, I feel like chopped liver. It's my name on the door, is it not? So why not discuss what you have to discuss?"

"No, you're quite correct," he said, stepping to the glass table in the middle of the office. "Aldrich Killian, by the way."

The name was vaguely familiar, and she knew she had met him before, but she had no idea of where or when. If she was being honest—which she always was, that was telling in and of itself. "Aldrich, really? Never picture you as one of those. Were you teased as a child? I know I would have teased you, so I answered my own question."

Killian gave Toni a hard look, almost chilling; however, it was gone in a blink of an eye, replaced with a smile. "I was teased for a completely different reason," he replied as he dimmed the lights without her permission. "Now that we got that behind us. Let's get down to business. After years of dodging the President's ban on 'immoral biotech research', my think tank now has a little something in the pipeline. It's an idea we like to call Extremis."

Toni stared at the now off lights, glaring. "Hey, Hey. This is not a make out party. You don't get to turn out my lights," she said, stepping slowly to Pepper's desk. She was slowly and surely getting the feeling back in her legs. "And I am not interested," she added, thinking of Steve. What would Steve do?

"Just hear me out, Toni," he said with a smile as he fondled three small metal balls.

"I'm not interested in making Super Soldiers," she said, giving him a cold look. To be honest, she might have given it some thought or consideration before the Time Traveling incident, before she became involved with Steve, before she came friends with Bruce. Though Toni wasn't afraid of the Hulk, she knew Bruce hated himself at times, and if she could take that way, she would. She would do anything for Bruce. Plus, being with Steve, being his ear, she couldn't support any kind of enhancement project, as the government would see any 'Super Soldier' as a weapon, and Steve wasn't a weapon. Both Steve and Bruce were so much more than that.

"Just hear me out." Killian didn't take no for an answer as he sets the three metal balls on the glass table and let them roll. "Regard the human brain," he said with a smile, as a hologram of the human brain appeared. He didn't give Toni a chance to respond as he continued on a second later. "Strangely mimetic though, wouldn't you say?"

Toni's eye was twitching, and it wasn't because she was bitter. It was because this man was an idiot and her holograms were so better. So much better. "No," she said as she crossed her arms.

He was still smiling at her with that cheesy smile of his, refusing to give up. "This is inside my head. It's a…It's a live feed. Come on up, I'll prove it to you," he said, still grinning with that stupid face of his. Not waiting for Toni to respond, he stepped onto the glass coffee table, not caring if it broke underneath him. He ducked under the hologram as if to avoid hitting it. "Come on," he said as he held out his hand to her again. "Don't be afraid, Toni. It won't bite."

"Okay, that table is worth someone's monthly salary and can probably withstand a tap dance, but I'm in no way, shape or form standing on it," she said, giving him a look. Her legs were finally back to normal, and she could jump for joy, but she was too focus on the crazy man standing on Pepper's glass table.

"Are you calling yourself fat?" he asked with a smirk. This time, his smile reached his eyes. "If so, I need to find this boyfriend of yours and have a talk with him. He isn't doing his job and worshiping you like the queen that you are."

Toni's eye brow rose. Was he really flirting with her? If so, it isn't didn't compute, as his smile didn't match the look in his eyes. Besides, no chance in hell that she would date him. "Captain Rogers knows that I am queen, trust me. He knows and worships me. No, no, I'm just calling you fat. I know a few gyms that I can point in the direction of."

"Ouch," he replied, placing his hand on his chest. "So much love in this room. I would ask you to pinch me to show you something, but I think you would do more than just pinch." He was flirting with her again.

He wasn't wrong about that as Toni would do more than just pinch him. She would punch in the face or the nuts—most likely the nuts. He was pushing all of her buttons, though that wasn't hard to do in her current state. "Why don't you use that hand of yours instead? You probably use it a lot, isn't that right? Hard to find that special person."

Killian shook his head and smile. "I see you hadn't changed. Feisty. I like that."

Okay, it really bugged Toni that she had no idea of where he knew her from. "Why would I change? I was and am still awesome," she replied, knowing full well that she wasn't awesome a few years ago- before she became Iron Man.

"Anyhow," he said, redirecting the conversion back to the hologram. He pinched his arm, and not even a second later, a part of the hologram lit up. "It's the primary somatosensory cortex. It's the brain's pain center. But this is what I wanted to show you," he said, trying to wave the stilled Toni over. He stared at her for a few seconds as if to control her movements with his mind. However, she didn't move, and with a sigh, he pressed the projector control and started to change and move the image with his hand.

He glanced back to Toni, eyeing the expression on her face. "Now, Extremis harnesses our bioelectrical potential and it goes…here." He turned back the hologram and pointed to a spot. "This is essentially an empty slot, and what this tells us is that our mind, our entire DNA in fact, is destined to be upgraded."

Was Toni supposed to be impressed? If so, she wasn't. Not at all. Granted that could be because Killian rubbed her the wrong way, though she could do it better herself. No, that wasn't her ego… or maybe it was. "So?" she asked.

Killian waved her over once more, noticing the frown on her face. "Why come here and let me put a smile on that pretty face of yours?" he said, smiling. "Once up close, you can see how breath taking this really is. Just imagine if you could hack into the hard drive of any living organism and recode its DNA."

"Why don't you tell me what your end game is?" Toni asked, as a memory started to work it way forward. She had long forgotten, or rather shoved back the memory of the last few weeks of 1999. She didn't want to think about _her_ and the utter betrayal she felt, though Toni had no one to blame but herself. "It sounds like something you can and will turn into a weapon, like enhanced soldiers, private armies, and if you caught my press conference a few years ago, I do NOT make weapons."

The Hologram of Killian's brain disappeared as he stepped off the glass table. "Toni. Toni. You know you can't think like that," he said as he waved a finger at her. "You have a wonderful brain that is capable of anything, so why don't you put it to use." There was a smile on his face as he stepped to her, crowding into her personal space. "Oh, I love that brain of yours; you need to think more with it and less with that ego of yours."

Toni took a large step back, though there wasn't anywhere she could go with her desk digging into her back. "If I want to create more super soldiers, I can," she said, giving him a smile. "Well…with Rogers' help, if you know what I mean." She winked at him, without realizing she was doing it. She hadn't no clue why her hand went to her stomach or why she even brought up, considering having children was the last thing on her mind. Her going crazy was the first thing on her mind. She must be sane before she could think about anything else—not that snort nose monsters were ever on her mind.

Killian's eyes widened as they dropped to her stomach for a second. He glanced back up and grinned. "I see. I can't say that I'm not disappointed, as I am, but I understand. My father used to say, 'Failure is the fog through which we glimpse triumph.'"

Toni narrowed her eyes at him, and before she could ask what the hell he was talking about, he reached for one of her hands and brought it to his lips. His lips lingered for a few seconds, leaving a wet mess on her hand, and it took everything that Toni had not to punch him. "Geez, what a wet kiss! Good thing I never have to experience the real thing, which I so don't want to experience," she said, yanking back her hand. She mockingly joked that she was vomiting as she wrapped off her hand.

"Oh, how you pained me!" Killian said, playing hurt.

"You're lucky I don't slung you," she said, waving her fist at him. "Never kiss a girl without permission."

Killian opened his month to respond, but the door to Pepper's office opened, stopping him. "I have to agree with that," a voice said from the door. The man's Brooklyn accent was strong and hard, almost striking. "You're lucky I don't hit you for touching my girl without her say so…well that is for any Dame."

Toni's head snapped up and to the left, eyeing the man at the door. "Cap," she called, noticing the Super Soldier at the door. He was leaning against the glass door frame, as he eyed the scene in front of him. There was an interesting, hard look in his eyes, but Toni didn't care. She was just happy that he was there. Without her realizing, there was a smile on her face as she looked at Steve. For some reason, he could always brighten her day. It was like he was her _Sun_ , her everything, and there was nothing she couldn't do in his eyes.

Killian, even with his fake blonde hair, didn't falter under Steve's strong glance, which was impressive. "I would never dream of doing that, Captain." He pull on a huge smile as he turned back to Toni. "Well, I think it's time to make my leave, but I'm sure I'll see you again, Toni." He almost reached for Genius' hand again, but when he heard a cough at the door, he retracted his hand. "I better go before your Head of Security drags me out, right?"

Toni snorted, picturing Happy doing just that. "I can arrange that, and Happy would love to do that, but good luck with all of that," she said, as she waved at him.

Killian smiled as he turned from Toni and headed to the door. When he stepped pass Steve, he paused for a second and straightened out his suit jacket. He looked over at Steve and smiled. "Congratulations are in order, Captain Rogers, and don't worry I won't touch your _Dame."_

"Um, thanks," Steve uttered, totally confused. Before he could ask for what, Killian disappeared out the door and down the hall. He eyed the hall for a second before he turned back to Toni. He gave her an odd look, taking a few steps toward her. "Am I missing something?"

Toni smiled, nervously, as she scratched the side of her forehead. "Well," she said slowly. "I…may or may not have inferred… that you… knocked me up." She really didn't mean to…She was just making a statement that if she wanted to create more Super Soldiers that there were more enjoyable ways of doing it.

Steve just stared at her for a few seconds before uttering, "I –what?"

"Well," she said, feeling her heart beating a million miles per second. "He was going on and on about how he was going recode Human DNA into something else. Talking about how he was going to create what it sounds like more Soldier Soldiers and stuff." Toni didn't even stop to look at the surprised look on Steve's face. "And all I wanted was for him to shut up, because we have enough Super Soldiers in this world, and we don't need any more, especially if he just saw them as weapons. Besides, the one we got is amazing enough, and if I really wanted more amazing Super Soldiers, I have you… And well, this," she said as she placed a hand to her stomach. "I said that aloud so he thought–"

Steve couldn't take her rambling anymore and closed the distance between them. Before she could realize what he was about to, he captured her lips with his. He could hear her mumble against his lips as he wrapped his arms around her, trapping her. Even with his arms wrapped around her, it took the genius a few seconds to settle down in arms and relax against him. However, once she did, she kissed him back with everything that she had. Her arms wrapped around his neck as she fought the urge to wrap her legs around his waist. All she wanted to do was climb him like a tree.

However, this place was not the place for that, even if she had nothing against office sex. Instead, she was okay with just dominating him, even if that was what he wanted to do. The kiss was a battle for control that each side was happy to play, though they both knew to keep it rated PG-13. "You talk too much, Doll Face," Steve said, breaking away from Toni after a few minutes.

"Damn you and that Brooklyn Accent," Toni cursed as she kept a firm hand on him. Her legs always went weak at knees whenever he used that accent, and he knew it, which was why he used it so damn much. He liked to see her like this.

"So why don't I take you home and you show me how much you like this accent?" he teased, resting his head against hers.

Toni laughed, really laughed. There was no doubt that her laugh carried down the hall, and there was no doubt that it had turned a few heads with a few cell phones in their hands. "And everyone thinks that I am the naughty one."

Steve smiled –truly smiled–and it was breathing taking. There was no doubt that Steve had the biggest and sexiest smile around. There was no doubt that it could melt anyone's heart. "Well you _are_."

"There're no denying that, but look at you! You're a dirty, old man, Captain Rogers, and you know it! You're just lucky that you're a fine piece of meat."

He laughed. "Am I just meat to you now?" he asked, giving her a look.

"If that was the case, I would be gone by now. You're too much work for a piece of meat," she said with a smile.

"Work am I?" he said as his hands loosened around her waist.

Toni smiled. "Oh, so much work." Before she knew it, she was pinned to the wall while laughing her ass off. Steve, the Strong, Loyal, Serious Captain America, was tickling her, and it didn't seem like he had any interest in stopping. "I-if I…pee m-my pa-nts, I-m kic-king y-your…ass," she said, struggling to get it out of his hands.

Steve let up for a few seconds, though not letting her out of his arms. "Oh, are you? You might need to put on the suit, though it might not be good for our imaginary child."

The genius' face lit up to a bright red color. "Oh, yeah. Our imaginary child, who's going be a Stark by the way. Sorry about your luck, Rogers," she teased, trying to hide her red face.

The Captain was laughing again—not that he had stopped. "And they call you a genius?" he taunted. "Didn't they teach you in school where babies come from?"

She gave him a look, grinning. "Of course they did, Rogers, though I should be asking you that. I assumed in the 1940s that they told you babies fell from the sky. You know how it was in the 1940's. Sex is bad, and the devil will get your soul."

Steve chuckled. "Well, I guess there were a lot of soulless people in the 1940's."

"That would explain Skully."

Steve's face fell slightly, and he looked pained. "I do _not_ want to think about the Schmidt's sex life. I really don't."

Toni smiled and laughed. "I can agree with you on that one. That is–"

"Thank you," Steve said, interrupting the brunette. There was a huge smile on his face, and it was so blinding that it could land planes.

She stopped laughing and stared at her boyfriend—yes, boyfriend. Even now, it was hard to believe that she was dating someone. That she was committed to someone; _fully_ committed. "Sure, I am awesome and there're a lot of things why you should be worshiping the ground I walk on, but what did I do this time?"

"For not shutting down the possibility of having children. Sure in our line of work, it's risky and probably won't happen, but it's nice just to think about it. To know it is possible," he said softly, staring deeply into her eyes

For a few seconds, Toni was speechless and had no idea of what to do or say. Sure, she joked about having kids, but when did she say that she wanted kids? Did she even want kids? The genius wasn't sure, but she knew the idea didn't completely scare—not like it did in the past. Previously, she ran screaming if she saw a beast or even heard one, but now, it was different. Sure, they still freaked her out, but for some reason, they seemed _almost_ bearable if Steve was by her side—not that she want one now...Not now. But did she want one? "Well, they're going to be Baby Starks, not Baby Rogers," she said, finally finding her voice.

"Oh, are they?" he asked, giving her a playful look.

"Oh, yes, because I have the Dad Card. That's one of my father's wishes. Are you going to go against one of the last wishes of a dead man? If so, you are a heartless bastard," she teased.

Steve chuckled again as he placed a kiss to her forehead. "Oh, that letter is going to be a death of me."

"You better believe it," she grinned.

"You know what?" he said. "Let's get you home before you try something else against me."

Toni smiled evilly, having a few ideas in mind. All of these ideas involved getting this man to smile, because damn, his smile was the answer to everything, and if anyone disagreed, she would slap them in the face. If she could stare in his eyes for the foreseeable future, Toni would be a happy woman. Looking into his eyes, she was filled with so many different emotions, and she could only see love in his eyes. No matter how many times she stared into his eyes, she couldn't get enough of that. "Now, Stevie. If you can't handle the crazy, you probably shouldn't be in the-"

Steve kissed her again. It was a short kiss, but it worked all the same. "Never said I couldn't. I live for it," he said.

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

"What is with you and Christmas trees?" Toni asked as she stared at a very large Christmas tree in her living room. Like the one in the tower, this tree was real and it was large, taking up a very large spot in her beach mansion. Toni could only stare at the tree, wondering where the hell Steve got it. Sure, Toni had a few Christmas Trees, but they were fake, and they didn't smell like _this._ They didn't stink up house, making everything smell like pine. God, she hated that smell…Was she un-Christmas if she hated that smell?

Steve gave her a smile as he wrapped his arms around her. "Hey, if I can't have snow, then I get a Christmas tree."

Toni drowned in her emotions for a few seconds, wondering how much of a pain and torture it was for Steve to be here. Did he really hate being here? Did he hate this sun? Did he miss the white Christmas that he had growing up? There was no doubt that he was a Brooklyn Boy through and through, and he belonged in New York, but did—

"Toni," Steve called, interrupting her thoughts, as he spun her his arms. "You're thinking too loud." He gently place his hands on her cheeks and held her still. "Listen to me, Toni. I have no interest in being anywhere else but here. So for once on your life, stop using that big brain of yours and kiss me."

It didn't need to be said twice as Toni literally jumped Steve a second later and wrapped her legs around his waist. She could feel his large hands on her lower back, pressing her flat against him. Feeling his firm body against hers went right to her groin, and it took all of her effort not to moan. No, it wasn't because she was embarrassed, but damn it, she wasn't some virgin, who lost it by a kiss alone. That was almost as bad as a man lasting two minutes, and God Damnit, she refused to be one of those.

However, Steve was so darn good at kissing that he was stole her breath. He stole her ability to think, and that was something she wanted. She wanted to forget all of her problems. She wanted to forget her guilt and shame, though this was much more than that. Sure, this was a happy side effect, and she had used sex for this very purpose of forgetting the past even if it was for a few hours. No, this time, it was something more, and it started with this strong feeling in her chest. It started with this deep desire in her heart for Steve and his happiness.

Without Toni realizing it, Steve had laid her the sofa and pinned her with his body. With one knee between her legs, he pressed his body against hers, though he was careful not to put his full weight on her. With a gentleness that no one would ever thought the Great Captain America was capable of, he ran his hands under her shirt, caressing the skin up and down her back. He smiled against her lips as his hands worked their way up her back. She could feel her body tremor, as his lips left her and traveled to her neck ever so slowly.

Toni couldn't help but wonder if he was going this slowly just to kill her. She arched into him as he found a spot on her neck and sucked. Not that she wanted to, she was unable to stop the groan from escaping her lips as his right hand travel from her back to her chest and flickered his thumb over her nipple. "Oh, God, Steve," she moaned loudly. He smiled against her skin as he continued to caress her soft—even with the scars—skin. "H-hate to stop this…b-but c-can't we take this to the bed room. Bed sex is so m-much better for the b-back." She moaned again as his lips traveled to her collar bone, while one of his hand dipped into her pants.

He kissed the bone for a few second, making her skin red, before he broke away and glanced up at her face. "Sure, Doll Face," he said, his voice heavy and thin. There was a look in his eyes that went straight through her, and it took every she had not break down right there and beg for him to fuck her—not that she would have to wait long.

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

 _Toni was falling. Just falling, with no end in sight, and she didn't know if that was for the better. Seeing the end or fearing the end? The Genius didn't know what was worse, but what she did know was that she was falling, falling through space and time. She could see the New York Skyline beneath her, as she free fell, though the city didn't seem to be getting any closer. She could see the building, could see them getting closer, but yet, the ground was still so far away._

 _She could feel her heart race as things were flying pass her in a rapid motion, making her skin itch. She could feel the vomit raised up in her throat, and she could feel herself choke on it. Still struggling to breath, she could feel the wind pick up, slicing her as she fell. It felt like she was falling through a hurricane, cutting her deep, and the scream in her throat couldn't escape. All she could taste was the acid in her vomit, even if she couldn't breathe._

 _Fear grew inside of her as all of the sudden, the scenery changed. The city disappeared and she could only see an icily, snowy mountain. In an instant, all she could feel was cold, icily wind. A second later, there was a dark figure next to her, but his face was hidden in the shadow; however, she knew who it was even if she couldn't see his face. She knew who he was just by the feeling in her chest, and she could feel her heart break, knowing how this was going to end._

 _He was falling faster than her, and he was getting farther and farther away with every passing second. She could feel her panic growing as the ground was suddenly closer. And as the ground was now sneaking up on the genius, there was a deafening scream echoing across the mountains, though not from her. It was almost ear bleed, and as her scream finally escaped from her lips, the dark figure smacked a—_

"Toni," A voice called, shaking her softly.

She groaned loudly as it felt like she was on fire. It felt like someone set her ablaze, and she was sweating. It felt like she was burning alive, though all she could see was ice and jaggy rocks. "N-No," she cried, feeling like she was about to die.

"Toni," the voice called again, placing a gentle hand to her face.

Tears were running down her face, as she fought against the hands, holding her in a warm embrace. "Please, no," she begged, seeing the shadow's death.

"Toni!" The man's voice was louder, and there was a hint of concern in his voice, though there was something else in his voice as well, and it was that that startled Toni awake.

Her heart was beating a million miles per second, as it took her eyes minutes to open, feeling like she was trapped. It felt like someone was holding her, and she could feel her stomach doing flips. However, her heart stopped as she saw the Mark 42 reach and grab Steve. There was a wild look in his eyes, but he didn't allow the suit to pull him from Toni, fighting it. "Power down!" Toni yelled, feeling completely sick. She forced herself into a sitting position, allowing the sheet to pool in her lap and exposing her chest to the cold, icily air.

 _The suit shut down a second later, though still hovering over Steve, and unable to take the sight, Tony reached over Steve, hitting the armor in the center of the chest piece. Though it only took seconds for the armor to fall to far apart, it felt like it took forever. Toni struggled to catch her breath, as she froze, hovering over the quiet Steve. "Oh. Shit. Shit," she muttered, feeling panic rush through her. Did that really just happen? Did her suit just attacked Steve? Her Steve? Oh, God. He was going to leave her, wasn't he? He was going to be angry now, wasn't he? She felt ill._

 _"_ _Toni," Steve called, his firm, soft voice cutting through everything._

 _For a few seconds, the genius stared at the pieces of the Mark 42 on the ground, feeling like the world had come crashing down on her. "_ I must have called it in my sleep. That's not supposed to happen. I'll recalibrate the sensors…Can we just…just let me…" she said, finding it hard to find her breath. Though she was completely naked, it felt like something was sitting on her chest, applying extreme amount of pressure. "Just let me catch my breath, okay?" Tears were running down her cheeks. "Please, don't go, alright? Please." She was in full panic mood.

Steve's face fell a bit, but it didn't stop him from wrapping his arms around Toni and pulling her against his bare chest. "Toni," he said, softly. "I'm not going anywhere. It's going to take a lot more than that to scare me away." His hands dropped to her waist and pulled her into his lap. "Not going anywhere. Do you hear that? Even if I have to battle all of your suits."

Toni didn't waste any time and buried her face in his neck. "S-Steve," she cried, wrapping her arms around his chest. God, she didn't know what she would do without this man, because she was half way to crazy town, and without him, she would be in mental hospital.

He rested his head on hers as he reached for the fallen sheet to wrap around Toni's naked form. "Why don't you tell me about your dream? Or not. Just talk to talk, Sweetheart. Just talk," he said, as he started to rock her back and forth. "Just let me heart your voice."

"Steve." Her voice was broken, sounding nothing like her.

"I love you," he said, softly. "And I promise you that I am not going anywhere."

Toni didn't say those words back, only burying herself deeper into his chest. She closed out the world, focusing only on the Super Soldier, who was whispering nothing but sweet words into her ear. She listened to his steady heartbeat, which she patterned her own heartbeat after. She listened to the calmed tones in his voice, as she allowed him to rock her back into sleep. After a few minutes, she allowed him to lay her back into bed as he laid down next to her. She allowed him to basically wrap his own naked body around her, creating a barrier to world around. She allowed him to do all of this, as she felt completely safe in his arms.

For the rest of the night, Toni slept peacefully, feeling completely loved and cherished in Steve's arms. It wasn't until the morning, when she got a phone call concerning Happy that she felt her world shatter. It was then that she felt everything went up in flames.

* * *

Let me know what you think. :)

And for people who expected a sex scene, that is what you get. Reasoning, is that because I suck at them, and I don't want to make you guys stab your eyes out. :P

And I did see Civil War, I won't say that I hated the Movie, though Winter Soldier is still my favorite. However, that movie made me angry. I went in wanting to be Team Cap, but I came out, wanting to beat someone. The Movie made it seem that Rogers was willing to do anything to save Barnes, which kind of shows why the Accords are needed...

Anyhow, until next time.


	8. The Asset's Brunette and The Beefy Blond

Same Disclaimer as before. I am not own Marvel or make any money off this.

Sorry for the long wait. I got distracted by Fanfiction. Other Authors updating stories and posting them. Geez, keeping me distracted...

Anyhow, here you go. Some have asked for Bucky's POV again, so here you go.

* * *

Chapter 8:

The Asset's Brunette and The Beefy Blonde

* * *

The Asset's knowledge may be limited as he was only given mission specific knowledge, but he was not stupid. He knew everything that he could know about weapons and technical assaults. He knew how and when the best time to strike was; he knew and could use hundreds of different kinds of weapons, without a single misstep. He knew how to make his own bullets and he knew how to make his own weapons if needed. He could silent a target without making a sound; he could survive in the wilds for weeks without an issue. He could do it all, while massacring an entire army.

However, he did not know why he was here. Why was he just standing around? There were other things that he could be doing; he had skills he could be using. Even if he was a nobody without a name, his purpose was to kill. Killing was what made him feel alive, no longer numb, if at least for a few moments. Killing gave him something to live for and he enjoyed it. It was one the few things that gave his life meaning. It was what made him useful, and he needed to be useful. He needed to be needed, even if he was just a tool; he was okay with being a tool as long as he was needed.

The Asset knew what he was and what he was good for. Though his handlers weren't always happy with him, there was no denying his usefulness, which was something that pleased him. It pleased him that he was needed; pleased him that he could provide something for his handers. There was a reason why they kept him around, as they knew that there was nothing that the Asset couldn't do. If a mission was impossible, they could send him, knowing it would be completed, and it was completed in a matter of hours—days depending on the mission's specs. There was nothing that he couldn't do, and everyone knew it, which also pleased the Asset. He also did it without question, though lately he couldn't help but wonder—not that he ever voiced these thoughts allowed. He would get the chair if he did.

However, this time, he couldn't help but wonder, as this wasn't anything like his normal missions. Unlike the others, he wasn't allowed to kill or torture this target, which was somewhat annoying. He was ordered to watch his target, only to watch, and strangely enough, he was ordered to allow her to see him, though not to interact with her. For once, he was supposed to allow his target to notice his presence, though the Asset had no idea as of why. What purpose would it serve to allow his target to see him? Would that do more harm than good for her to see him?

He was their best weapon, and a part of what made him the best was his ability to remind hidden. The reason why he could do his job so well was because he could do it in the shadows without anyone realizing. He could kill his target and be gone before anyone knew the target was dead. He could hide in plain sight in a room with highly trained agents and no one would be any the wiser, which was what made him the best. It also made him feel whole as the Asset only had one task in his life and that was to kill whoever his handers asked of him. But yet, here he was, watching. Watching a woman, who he wasn't allowed to approach. Just letting her see him at times.

The Asset had no idea as to why he had to watch her and let her to see him every now and then, but he didn't ask, just wondered. He wondered why he wasn't supposed to let anyone else see him, wasn't supposed to be noticed by anyone besides her. Even if he didn't see the point of it, he supposed it was to get inside her mind and fuck with it, and he would do it whatever he was ordered to. Besides, he did understand the purpose of getting inside someone's mind, but he didn't understand why he—their best weapon—was sent to get inside her head. This was not what he was designed for, not what he was good for. He wasn't supposed to just watch. This wasn't what he was made for, wasn't what he was created for.

As he watched the Brunette, he couldn't help but wonder who this woman was. Why did she warrant him watching her? What purpose did she serve? What was her skills? Why did his handlers want her? What was so special about her? Was she a useful tool like him? By looking at her, he could tell that she wasn't a weapon like him, though he knew that she had to have some kind of purpose. His handers wouldn't want her, if she didn't. Sure, the Asset knew she was smart, brilliant—though he would never admit that to his handers. It wasn't his place to cast judgement on her.

However, for some reason, he couldn't stop himself from casting judgement on her—and these judgements weren't facts. Sure, he had given assessments and reports to his handlers when his mission called for it, but this time was different. He wasn't supposed to draw conclusions on the woman, which was what he was doing, and with every passing second, he was drawing more and more conclusions as he watched her. Questions formed in his mind, as he ignored the shape pain at the back of his head, trying to figure out what made her so special-because she was special. Special in some way, and he could feel it in his bones, though he had no idea as of why.

This was why he wanted and needed to kill the Blond who had a bad habit of touching the Brunette, though it seemed like he would need to kill two blonds…Both of these blondes didn't know that the dark hair brunette didn't belong to either of them, though the Asset couldn't say why exactly he thought that. No matter the reason, he wanted to show the both of them, who she belonged to—Wait, when did she become his?-, and he would do anything to show them that. The creepier of the two, the fake blond, was the one that Asset almost hunted down at that very second and killed, barely reframing from doing so. Killing him would anger his handlers, and he had a mission to complete which involved not being noticed. Killing someone as flashy as the Fake Blond wouldn't help his mission; in fact, it would hurt his mission, and he needed to succeed. He would succeed. He would get the brunette to submit to his handlers and be the prefect asset like him.

For some reason that he could not understand, the idea excited the Asset, and he didn't know what to make of the feeling bubbling in his chest at the sight of her. He had no idea of what this feeling was exactly or why he liked the feeling, but he did. To feel like this and have the woman, he would do whatever his handlers wanted of him, and if they want to use him to make her submit, he would do so, even if it didn't make any sense.

* * *

0*0*0

* * *

The Asset followed the Brunette, keeping track of everywhere he went. He watched her at every movement, reporting every move and thing that she made. He, however, did not report the itch that he got whenever he saw the brunette with the beefy Blonde, and he definitely didn't report the urge to strange the man whenever he touched the woman. Again, the Asset had no idea why he felt like this, considering he had no idea of who the woman was. He had never seen this woman —not that he remembered—before this assignment, but yet, there was this feeling in his chest. A feeling he didn't understand.

He was an asset, and he wasn't supposed to feel, just kill without question, but yet, here he was feeling. He wasn't supposed to feel as it made his weak, but he was feeling, which annoyed him. He was a weapon, a tool to use, and he couldn't doing that if he was feeling. Emotions were the enemies, and they needed to be destroyed. He could kill the Brunette to do so as she was the cause of them, but the idea of killing her didn't sit well with him. It stole his very breath at the thought her dead. He didn't know why, didn't know much besides the fact that he couldn't kill her.

He did try at first to kill her when his handlers had given him the case, though it was without success. At the time, she was in her lab, working on one of her many suits, and while she worked, she had been blind to the world. Her eyes so focused on tech in front of her that she couldn't hide her emotions, and the expression on her face stopped him cold. She didn't work on these suits because she was smart enough to do so—well not fully-, but rather, she did it to ease her mind. She did it to get her mind off her troubles. She did it to through the night.

Before seeing her that raw, he had all the intention of killing her, which would have angered his handler though he didn't care. Sure, killing a target that he wasn't permitted to would put him in the chair, and the Asset would do anything to avoid the chair, but he would do anything to rid himself of this disease, which was what these emotions were. They were a disease, but after disarming her security system somewhat—not completely as she would notice—and going in to kill her, the Asset froze on sight of her. His body didn't listen to his commands and refused to move, which was something he could and would never understand. He still couldn't understand why she made him feel like this.

However, the more he watched her, the more he wanted to learn about this feeling for this brunette. It made his curious, as he wondered why she brought out these emotions inside of him. It made him wonder why she brought anything out of him in the first place, considering he was a weapon. A weapon. He shouldn't be allowed to have any type of emotions whatsoever, but there was something building in his chest, which he couldn't help but wonder why. This was why he followed the brunette, so he could study her, learn about her.

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

The Asset stood a ways back, hiding in a shadows of a few buildings, but he could still make out the Brunette and Beefy Blond as they made their way through the crowd of reporters. He could see the well placed mask on the Brunette as the blond hovered close to her. Ignoring the anger growing inside of him at the sight of the blond men, the Asset focused on the brunette, eyeing her every detail. For a while, he wanted to observe the woman as she stepped away from the Hospital and toward a car. He wanted to study the blank emotion on her face, trying to understand what made her so special—so different. After a few long seconds and for reasons that he couldn't understand, he could tell that the blank expression on the woman's face was a lie. He could tell the carefully placed and constructed expression on her face was a mask, intending to hide her emotion, and he couldn't understand how he knew this.

How did he know this woman's expression so well? How did he know what her tells were? How did he know what the tilt of her head meant? How did he know what the blank stare of her eyes meant? The Asset didn't know, but he counted it toward the amount of time that he had been watching her. It wasn't abnormal for the watcher to get know his target after a few weeks, and he would say that was the case here. However, this feeling was different than what he normally felt from watching his other marks; this time went deeper somehow. It was more than the familiarity of just observing a target. It was different; it felt personal. It felt like he knew her, but how?

The Asset took a deep breath as he watched the Brunette threaten some unknown terrorist, which the Asset groaned at. Was she stupid? Taking a few deep breaths, he couldn't stop the growing irritation at the Brunette, who had no idea about how to be tactical or strategic. He had to fight the urge to yank her from the crowd and hide her somewhere secure. He couldn't understand how someone as smart as she could be so fucken stupid. How could his handlers want someone like her? With her tack and recklessness, she could tank a mission before anyone could realize what she had done? She probably couldn't keep her mouth shut long enough to listen and take orders, probably talking someone's ears off.

It made him wonder why his handlers would want her as she was anything but discreet. What would make her a good Asset? She would definitely end up the chair more times than not, as there was no doubt that her mouth would anger the handlers. They would do whatever it took to beat it out of her…Though he supposed after it was beaten out of her, she would be a good Asset, providing must needed intel in a different fields…However, the idea of this woman becoming an asset like him didn't sit well with him. It brought out the same urge as before: to yank her from the crowd and drag her to some place safe—though he would probably have to face the Beefy Blond.

There was no doubt that he would have to face the Beefy Blond in order to get the Brunette, and like most men, he had had a desire to show his strength, so he could impress him. Even if he looked past that desire, there was a part of him that wanted to see that fight. Sure, he didn't know the abilities of the Beefy Blond, but he didn't doubt his own abilities. There was a reason why he was Hydra's best tool, as there aren't many who could best him, even on his worst day. It was these invaluable skills that could attract the Brunette to him… though why did he want the Brunette? What purpose would she serve for him?

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

There weren't many things—not that it happened a lot—that pissed off the Asset, but right now, the Asset was pissed, beyond pissed, though he didn't report it to his handlers. He only gave the bare boned facts to his strict handlers, who had seemed to be displeased by the day's events—though they never seemed pleased. After learning what happened to woman, they had ordered him back with no specific reason and tried to get him back in the ice, but he had no interest in doing so. His interest laid in finding the Brunette, who had disappeared in the panic.

Not unexpectedly, the Brunette had pissed someone with that threat she made, and she had suffered the consequences because of it. If she was his, this wouldn't have happened, as he would have kept her safe and away from people who cause her harm. He would've kept her in line, kept her quiet. He would've controlled her, forced her to listen to reason unlike that useless Beefy Blond. Why did the Blond let her do such a stupid thing? Did he not understand why it was dangerous for her to do? Besides, why did the Brunette do that? Why was she so careless in giving out her location? Why was she so willing to go into battle? Did she like warfare like he did?

He couldn't understand why she would do such a careless thing. Was she trying to get herself blown up? He could say she was suicidal, but she didn't seem like the type: her ego too big. He could say that this was strategic, but he knew this woman. He knew this woman didn't understand the word strategic, couldn't understand the word. She acted without a second thought, and she acted with no hesitation. After studying her for weeks and watching past videos, the Asset knew she didn't plan and just acted. Her plan was to attack, no matter how stupid it was, even if her actions were suicidal. It annoyed the Asset to no end, and he wanted to…to do things to make her listen.

However, at the same time, he didn't want her to suffer the same way that he did. He wanted to save and protect her from that. Again, he didn't understand why or what these feelings were, but his stomach flopped at the thought of her hurt. It made him want to learn so much more why she was special. Why did she cause these feelings in his chest? Why did she had this pull on him? Whatever the reason was, he had no idea who she was, as the Handlers wouldn't tell him as much, only giving him what was mission sensitive. Her name was not mission sensitive. Was there a reason for that? Did his handlers know something?

Asset turned from where the Brunette's house once stood and stared down at the ocean below. In the aftermath, the ocean was anything but calmed as pieces of the house were tumbling down the steep cliff, hitting the water hard. The ruff, violent water reached high into the sky with each impact from the fragments of the plummeting house, and it was difficult to make out the Beefy Blonde who had dived into the water to search for the Brunette. It was both honorable and stupid for the Blond to go diving in after the woman, which annoyed the Asset even more.

Knowing what he felt for the woman, the Asset could understand the urge to go after the Brunette-as she was his. No, that didn't make sense. How was she his? Sure, she caused a flop in his chest, and he had an uncontrollable, incomprehensible urge to protect her, but he had no right to claim her as his own. He was the Asset, and he did not have things. He was not allowed to have things, but yet, these things in his chest made him want to claim her. But what? Why did he want her? What purpose would she serve? What kind of service could she provide for him? How could she help him be a better Asset? He wasn't sure, but he also didn't know if he cared or not.

It seems like he just wanted her. Truly wanted her, which he found odd. If she didn't and couldn't serve any purpose or improve his ability, why would he want her? Why would he want someone who couldn't make him a better weapon? Why would he want someone who could serve him no purpose? Why would he need her? The Asset didn't know and couldn't figure it out, but what he did know was that he didn't want to share her with the Beefy Blond. He didn't want to the Beefy Blond to have her, then again he had no idea as of why. He also couldn't understand why the feeling in his chest turned sour when he thought about the blond touching her, but he didn't like it. He didn't like it at all.

However, he knew better than to jump head first into the Ocean after the egoist Brunette, who didn't know how to shut up. Sure, the Asset wanted and would find her, but jumping head first into the sea without any rescue gear wouldn't help. If she was still down there at the bottom of the ocean, she would be dead, and there would be no saving her, which also didn't sit well with the Asset. The idea of her dead at the bottom of the ocean felt like someone had stabbed him in the gut repeatedly, and he would do anything to stop that feeling.

But, he knew that she wasn't dead. She was too stubborn to die. Too stupid to give up. However, being on an Intel mission, he had been watching the mansion for hours and knew all of the happenings around the house. He could see the enemy helicopter approach on the beach mansion from miles away, and if he had a weapon capable of taking it down, he would have. He would have done anything to save her from any kind of pain, including killing, and that was something that he especially would not let his handlers know. He would killing anyone, which included killing his handlers, and he was willing to risk the chair for her—though he still didn't know why.

Right now, he was willing to risk it all and he didn't know why. He had no idea why he was pissed, deadly pissed at the thought her being hurt, but he was. Someone had fired on his Brunette—her own damn fault, but that didn't matter to him-, and now, she was missing. For that, the Asset would kill, and he wouldn't let his handlers stop him. He also wouldn't stop until he found the Brunette, because there was a good chance that she was in trouble….

Unable to stop himself, the Asset snorted.

No, she was in trouble. There was no doubt about that, as that was who she was. She didn't understand how not to get into trouble, as it coded in her DNA. It was in her blood, in her veins. She didn't know how to shut up or standstill, as she always had to be on the move. Always doing something. Just by watching her, he knew that there was always something on her mind, always something 'processing' in that massive mind of hers, and if her sleeplessness was clue enough, she couldn't rid herself of those thoughts. Like his empty, murky mind, her mind was full, unrelenting. Like his hunted him, hers hunted her, always 'on'.

The Asset turned back to the cliff one last time and stared at the water, which seemed to be calmed now. It was almost like it hadn't been disturbed by a falling house. He stared at the water for a bit, looking for the Beefy Blond. Being a Hydra weapon, the Asset wasn't sure why he wanted or need to see the Blond break the surface of the water, for him to be okay. It wasn't the same level of emotions and he didn't exactly feel the same like whenever he saw the Brunette, but there was something there. He just didn't know what; however, the Asset didn't have to ponder it for long as the Blonde broke the surface of the water-though he only stayed above the water for a few seconds before diving back down—riding him of that foreign emotion.

It felt like he could breathe again, though he didn't know when he stopped. However, that feeling didn't last long as he thought about the Beefy Blond with his Brunette. The idea that the Blond was trying so hard to find the Brunette, when all hope seemed lost didn't sit well with him. Sure, the Asset would search and hunt for the Brunette—as she was his-, but why did the Blond feel the need to risk his own life for her? Did he feel the same strange feeling in his chest as the Asset did? If so, did he not see that it was hopeless since she wasn't even down there—not that the Blond knew that?

The Asset shook his head as he turned from the cliff. He had other things to worry about, and this mind wandering wasn't going to get him anywhere. It would only slow him down, and besides, it was pointless. His sour feeling wasn't important, nor would it solve anything. There was only one thing that the Asset had to do and that was to find the Brunette, who took off somewhere in her suit. He also had to find her before his Handlers tracked him down, which wouldn't be too long.

However, it didn't matter if they or anyone else tracked them down, as long as he had his Brunette. For some reason that the Asset could not understand, his chest lightened at the thought of having her. It felt like he was light as a feather, standing on air, at the thought that she was his—though he still couldn't find out why. Why was she so important to him? Why did he need her? And why did he want to run his hand through her mess, coffee colored hair? Again, he wasn't sure, but he was going to find her, no matter what. He was going to find her.

Also, whoever tried to kill her was going to die a painful death. A slow painful death. That was a given.

* * *

 **The end for now:**

Not the longest thing that I have ever written, but it gets me to where I want to be.

Now, we will have to see what 'the Asset' does now. I foresee death. How about you?

Until Next time.


	9. The Glowing Man and the Shadows

Hola, Yes, I know. I had been awhile, but I couldn't get the pen to paper. It was a struggle and I am sorry for that. I hope I can do better for the next chapter. I just didn't know how much time had passed.

Anyhow, here you go. Let me know what you think.

And this is unbeta-ed and I am sorry for my horrible grammar skills...it was a real battle to proof this.

* * *

 ** _Chapter 9:_ **

**_The Glowing Man and the Shadows_**

* * *

Toni was shaking from head to toes and struggling to keep her breath in the strong, powerful win, which kept threatening to steal her legs from under her. With each strong breeze, it felt like someone was stealing her breath and that she wouldn't be able to re-catch her breath. That nearly scared her to death, but she refused to give up, even if she wanted to. With the nonstop shivering and the difficulty breathing, the genius felt like she was seconds from fainting or something worse. It was a battle to stay on her feet, which she couldn't feel at the moment…again, not a happy feeling. She could barely feel any part of her body at the moment, which did nothing for her confidence.

Trying to keep warm, she hopped and jumped around as she tried to work her muscles in her legs; however, that only seemed to zap her energy, leaving her seconds from drooling on the ground. Trying to keep herself sane in her failings, she dug her exposed shivering fingers into her palms, almost to the point of blood. She was trying to distracted herself, but she could barely feel the pain in her palms. It felt like a pinch as her fingers and toes felt like they were seconds from falling off-well again, that was when she could feel them. The pain would disappear for a second before reappearing the next. When the feeling disappeared, she was scared.

However, it was more than just that. Her fingers were also…burning? Though she knew the side effects of long exposure to the cold, this burning sensation took her by surprise. Almost taking over her senses, it took her everything she had not to remove her lays, as Toni knew that her body was lying to her. That shook her to her core, revealing how much she couldn't trust herself, and that scared the crap out of her. True, her judgement was shaky at best, but she never truly doubted her own senses. Yes, she doubted her decisions, but she never doubted herself—her body.

Refusing to look at her hands—apart of her belief system that if she didn't acknowledge it, it wasn't happening-, she knew she was getting frost bit (or something very closed to it). She also knew if she didn't get out of this extreme weather or get a jacket of some kind, she would be in trouble. Though she could tell what the exact temperature was (not without JARVIS. She wasn't a weather nut), she could tell it was butt-ass cold, which was the only thing she needed to know in her opinion, and with the snow falling heavily around her, anyone could confirm. It would become deadly if she didn't find shelter or something soon. This she knew very well, but she had no hope that she would be able to build a fire or shelter; she was not a girl scout.

She wasn't a girly girl in any way, shape or form, though moments at times—didn't all girls?-, but Toni didn't do well in the outdoors… She was a deer trapped in a room, destroying everything in her path…unless, she had her Iron Man suit, which…wasn't functional at the moment. That still ate at her, rotting her core. Since she had created the Iron Man suit a few years ago, she hadn't been without it since. She felt weak without it. She felt powerless, and she hated that.

And now, she was completely out of her element and completely unprepared. The genius, though dressed in a long sleeve shirt, was not dressed for the snow; plus, she was in California mode, which involved the sunny 70s or hotter. While in this mode (yes, she still had a New York mode), she couldn't handle the snow in any shape or form, though her lack of winter clothes didn't help. Besides all of the memories that she didn't want (like the other countless times she had been stuck in the cold), she couldn't handle the cold at all, and though she would deny it until she was blue in the face, she whined like a baby.

And again, her Iron Man suit was nothing more than a paperweight—an oversize, overweight, and overpriced paperweight. Right now, she could do nothing besides drag her heavy, bulky pride and joy behind her, which slowed her progress greatly. If she didn't have her suit, she could double her speed and wouldn't be so exhausted, but she couldn't and wouldn't leave her suit. Her suit was everything to her. It was her baby, and she could never abandon it. It would be like leaving a part of her behind, which she could never do. She didn't know who she would be without the suit—which was probably why Steve was so annoyed.

Struggling with the Mark 42, Toni's mind flashed back to the fight with Steve a few hours ago, just before her mansion was destroyed. They fought mostly about her recklessness and her inability to accept that something was wrong, not that he could do the same. However, she didn't want to accept that anything was wrong, even if she knew that something was. She wasn't sure she could acknowledge it as that meant she had to face it, and she didn't know how to handle that, which was why she turned to her suits. They were her much needed outlets and what was wrong with having something to focus on? Surely, it was better, right? Surely.

If she could cry, Toni would be right now, and it wasn't due to the painful ache in her shoulders and arms for dragging her suit. She hated fighting with Steve, hated it. Sure, she loved to banter, and she loved to annoy him with her quips, but she hated fighting with him. She hated the disappointed look in his eyes whenever they did, as it drilled into her very soul, breaking her down. He had a point, because threating a terrorist wasn't smart, especially giving out her home address. But, that man hurt Happy, and that was unacceptable. Everyone she loved was strictly untouchable, as she refused to lose anyone in her life, which was why her fight with Steve hurt so much. She couldn't lose that man. She just couldn't, even if she wasn't good for him.

And this last fight made her wonder how close she was to losing the Super Soldier. After everything that happened, was he getting close to his breaking point? Because she would be if she was in his shoes. She had said things, acted like a total bitch, and didn't care who she hurt as she spouted off. Why did he want to be in a relationship with her? Most people ran from people like her, which was what Pepper did and that hurt like a bitch. So, she expected Steve to bolt, and she wouldn't blame him, considering she destroyed everything she touched.

Plus, she was there. That woman had caused nothing but pain and grief, and Toni wanted nothing to do with it, especially now. She thought she had freed herself from that part of her life, though she should've known better, because it was impossible to escape one's past. Toni should know this; she should be used to it, but she wasn't. The only thing she could do was to hope that Steve didn't pick up on it…If he did, oh, god. That idea scared her, though she wasn't sure why. The Captain knew her, knew that her past wasn't clean, so he shouldn't be too surprised.

Even in her exhaustion and grief, Toni let out a sigh of relief as she spotted a petrol station. However, thanks to her bad luck, there was no one there. It was a complete blank and empty, and she had no way to warm herself up. There was also nothing she could do to sustain her energy, which was something she needed if her growling stomach was to judge. On the plus side, there was a wooden Indian with a fugly but warm poncho. Though she wouldn't normally even look at a poncho, she grabbed it like it was a gift from a god, and she pulled it over her without wasting a second. Her hands were shaking heavily as she pulled the heavy, itchy fabric over her head. After she pulled it down, she wrapped her arms around herself for a long second, as her shivers over took her.

With her shaking uncontrollably, it took a good few minutes for Toni to control herself. However, no matter how much time she gave herself, she was still shivering, even with the heavy (though not heavy enough) poncho. Stupid itchy poncho. "Fuck me," she cursed as she grabbed the payphone. Even in her frozen and annoyed state, she was amazed that there was even a working payphone, though she was thankful. She didn't know what she would've done if she hadn't come across it.

Taking a few deep breaths, Toni reached for the payphone. It was cold against her hand, though she paid very little attention to it. It was nothing compared to what she was already feeling. Without a second of hesitation, she dialed the Stark Secure Server, not knowing who else to call. Considering her house was just blown up, she doubted she would be able to reach Steve, as she knew what the SHIELD's protocol was. Yes, she could call the Pirate, but she didn't trust him, not at all. He was a spy, the spy of all spies, and he was always be up to something.

So the only thing in her mind that she could do was call her secure servers, which was the only thing Toni trusted right now. She just hoped Steve was smart enough to look there, though knowing him it was a long shot. However, she waited nonetheless until she heard the beep, and as she waited, her heart raced, almost popping out of her chest at points. Until the call connected, everything inside of her was telling her it wasn't going to, and she was close to falling apart. And when she heard: "Now transferring to all known receivers," she relaxed, though it wasn't for long.

She felt sick as she spoke, **"** Steve, it's me." She paused for a second, resting her head against the cold glass. Feeling ill, she was struggling. "I don't k-know if you'll get this, not with your c-computer skills, but S…Steve… " She paused again. "I've got a lot of apologies to make and not a lot of time, so I hope your fossil butt is getting this. Can you even work the buttons to log in?" She stopped again, annoyed at herself. Even now, she was throwing out the banter. "F-first off, I'm sorry that I'm stupid and reckless and stupid. I'm sorry that I put you in harm's way again. Steve, that was selfish and… and it w-won't happen again… W-who am I kidding?" She felt her heart stopped, because she knew she couldn't promise that. She couldn't stop herself, no matter how hard she tried. It was like her DNA was against her.

"Also, it's Christmas…" As she said it, she didn't understand why it was important, because that was the last thing on her mind. In the past, it had been at the back of her mind, as she hadn't had anyone to celebrate with, but now, it felt important to be with Steve. "I swear to make this up to you…but d-does that promise mean anything? How many time have I said that? Steve… God, I'm so sorry. I'm a screw up." Even in the freezing cold, tears started to form in her eyes, threating to fall. "And I'm sorry in advance because…I can't come home just yet. I need to find this guy, and you gotta stay safe. That's all I know, and I don't care if you're Captain America, because I'm going to protect your beautiful ass from this. This is my mess, and you can't be hurt. I _won't_ allow it."

Tears started to fall from her eyes. "I just stole a poncho from a wooden Indian. The media will love it," she said, softly. "Barton will tease me endlessly." She paused yet again, fighting hard to keep going. "I gotta go." Three words pop into her mind, but she didn't say them. She just couldn't, as the only thing she could do was hung up the phone.

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

 _"_ So why is it Iron Man and not Iron Woman or Iron Girl or Iron Lady?"

Toni had a love hate relationship with Harley, and she wasn't quite sure if she hated him. Sure, she hated kids by their ages alone (though not as much as she did previously—damn it, Steve.), but she didn't exactly hate this boy…not saying that she liked him. He was annoying as hell. "Why can't I be called Iron Man?" she asked, with a deep sign.

Harley had the biggest, round eyes as he looked up at her. "Because it's lame, and you aren't a man." There was the slightest color of red on his cheeks as he said it. "You need a better name."

Toni's eye twitched. If it wasn't freezing outside and the Iron Man Suit was functional, she wouldn't be here to suffer this insult. She was starting to gain the feeling back in her hands and feet, and she didn't want to risk it by storming out. Plus, it was the best feeling in the world to feel again, even if it was semi painful. "So says the kid with a defective potato gun."

Without paying any attention to Toni's insult, the boy added, "If I was building Iron _Man_ and War Machine…"

"It's Iron Patriot now," she mindlessly corrected, as she stared at a newspapers the boy had showed her earlier. Her heart stepped a beat as two photos stood out to her, though one was only due to its size. The other one was of Steve, who looked _completely_ heart broken. Seeing him like that almost broke her heart, because she _never_ wanted to see him like that. She may have left the message alerting to him that she was alive, but there was no telling if he got it.

"That's way cooler!"

 **"** No, it's not," Toni replied, as her mind drifted. She couldn't think of anyone besides Steve, who was probably thinking the worst. Or maybe, this was good for him, so he wouldn't be weighed down by her. He wouldn't suffer because of her.

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

 _"Cap."_

 _"Rogers, stop this. You're going to kill yourself at this rate."_

 _"I doubt Stark would want you to kill yourself."_

 _Captain America paid little attention to Natasha, Clint, and_ Rumlow, as he stared down at the ocean. Even with the emergency response team, Toni's house and the ground around it was unstable and not safe. Every few seconds, pieces of the house and cliff fell, pelting the water at the base of the cliff. Steve knew why Toni had chosen to build a house at a side of the cliff- it was breath taking-, but the Captain didn't like it. Being a soldier, all he saw was risk, and it drove him crazy. Now, he couldn't help but hate himself for that, because he was right. Toni was gon—No! He refused to believe that. Toni wasn't gone. She couldn't be.

"Steve."

And he blamed himself. If he wasn't gone for long period of times, and if he wasn't so stupid, Toni would be ali—No. Toni _was_ alive, and he _needed_ to believe this, because he had to. Toni being dead was not possible, because without her, he didn't know who he was. He didn't know what to do without her. She was his true North, his rock, who kept him steady. Sure, he could handle whatever life had for him, but she kept him sane, even if she wasn't. She kept him upright and on this toes. She had been there for as long as he could remember, and the idea that she was gone scared him.

"Steve."

Said man heard Natasha call his name, but he could only stare at the ice cold water, roaring as it clashed against the cliff. Even without the continuous assault of the waves, there was no way that Toni could've survived, not when she was pinned to the ocean floor. He watched helplessly as she was dragged to the ocean floor, and she hadn't emerge from the ocean. As he watched her be overtaken by the waves, his heart had almost stopped, and it was hard to breath. In fact, he was still finding it hard to breath.

"Steve."

With a deep breath, Steve turned to Natasha, Clint and Rumlow, giving them a look. He wondered for a second if they could see how broken he was. He could imagine how he looked at the moment, losing count to how many times he had jumped into ocean. There was no doubt he looked like a wet rat, as his clothes were ripped to pieces. He was also bloody, a result from his jumping into the ocean and the physical assault, but he wasn't worried. He healed fast. "Don't."

Clint took a deep breath as he walked to the cliff's edge. He eyed the first responders, glancing for a brief second at Maya Hansen, Toni's unexpected guess. "This isn't easy for anyone. This is killing us as well."

Steve didn't need or want to hear that, even if he knew it was true. He knew everyone was struggling with the idea of Toni's being dead, but man, they had no idea of what he was going through. They had no idea of how he was dying inside. They had no idea that he was hoping against hope that Toni was alive, as he didn't know what he would do without her. "Barton," he said, slowly. There was a clear warning in his voice.

The archer turned to Captain, glaring at the broken man. "No, you don't-"

Natasha stepped forward, stepping between the two men. "That's enough," she stated through her teeth. She glanced toward the first responders and the line of reports a few yards off. They may have been kept back for now, but it wouldn't last for long. "Now is not the time."

Steve wanted to say they didn't want time for a lot of things, but as he dripping wet, he had no interest in talking. He wanted to find Toni, and once he did, he wasn't going to let her out of his sight. And if someone tried to tell him she was dead, he was going to punch that person in the face.

"Steve," Natasha called again, as she picked up a shattered Iron Man helmet. There was a large crack down the middle, while several others lined the inside. The helmet was dark and unbloodied—a sign that this helmet wasn't.

He glanced back at the Black Widow, glaring at the broken helmet. He didn't know why he took such an offense to it, but he wanted to blow it up. He wanted to toss it as far as he could, never wanting to see it again…well unless Toni was here with her suit. _Goddamn it_. How could someone like her be taken down so easily? She was _Iron Man_ , and there wasn't anyone who could beat her on her best day, well besides herself. She could destroy herself in seconds, she was doing lately. "No, she isn't dead, and I'm not giving up on her."

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

"You know what this crater reminds me of?"

Toni had no idea this kid could talk so much, though she shouldn't be so surprised. This kid hadn't shut up since she met him, and she was ready to hit someone. If Harley wasn't so young, she would punch him. Sure, she was being too harsh, but she couldn't take the talking. There was enough of it going on in her head already. "No idea. I'm not-I don't care."

Harley Keener smiled up at her. "That giant wormhole, in um…in New York. Does it remind you?"

"That's manipulative. I don't want to talk about it." She really didn't want to talk about it.

"Are they coming back? The aliens?" It seemed like he was hyped up on sugar as the boy kept going.

Toni didn't know what was worse: this boy's nonstop mouth, or the way that he was looking at her. "Maybe. Can you stop?!" She could feel _it_ start to build up inside of her, as he continued to bug her. Her mind went to Steve without hesitation, as she wanted- needed him. "Remember when I told you, that I have an a…anxiety issue?"

"Does this subject make you…make you edgy?" Harley stated as he looked up at her. His eyes were following her as she put some distant between her and him.

Her hand was trembling as she stumbled through the snow. She could feel her heart race as memories force their way forward. "Yeah, a little bit. C-can I just catch my breath for a second?" she asked, suddenly finding it hard to breath. It was like someone was sitting on her chest. It was like someone had put a bag over face that she was unable to get off.

 **"** Are there bad guys in Rose Hills?" The boy paused as he stared at Toni. "Do you…do you need a plastic bag to breathe into? Do you have medication?" Harley could see her struggling as she used a brick wall for support.

 **"** Nope." She replied, falling to her knees. She grabbed her chest, trying to force herself to breath. She tried to count backward, but nothing she did worked. However, she refused to stay down, even if it was a struggle. It felt like someone was swinging at her legs, but she didn't stop, as she would never allowed pain to stop her.

The boy kept close to Toni, watching her. "Do you need to be on it?"

"Probably," she replied, though she knew her father would be tossing in his grave. He didn't believe in pills, because a true Stark didn't need pills. A true Stark didn't need anything to help him or her get through the day. Though the memories were conflicting (oh the joys of time traveling), he wasn't always like this, and it wasn't until the later years that he drilled this into her.

"Do you have PTSD?"

Why couldn't this kid just shut up? Did he not understand that she needed him to shut up? Why did he have to keep going on? "No," she replied, quickly. She couldn't have PTSD. She wasn't a soldier. She was an engineer, a mechanic. She didn't get PTSD. Starks didn't get PTSD, though it made sense…NO! She didn't have it, though she did wake in a cold sweat almost every night and saw blood every time she closed her eyes.

Again, the kid didn't stop. "Are you…are you going completely mental?" He replied, following after the genius as she stumbled forward. His eyes grew large as Toni grabbed at her chest. "I can stop. Do you want me to stop? Do you want me to stop?" He was talking loud and fast, as he was filled with some unknown energy.

An expected anger flew through her, and she wanted nothing more than to punch someone. "Remember when I said to stop doing that?" She snapped, as she pushed against the brick wall. The crater and shadows became a distant memory as she struggled to breathe. "I swear to God, you're going to freak me out!" Her heartbeat was racing, and nothing that she did slowed it. To make it worse, it felt like someone was pulling at her as the darkness started to form in vision.

She didn't know how much time had passed, but she was at the alley's mouth before she knew it. She was practically faced down in the snow before she realized it. The freezing snow was almost refreshing as she breathed in the icily slush. It was like a cold snap to the hot nightmares that were forcing their forward, ripping apart her sanity. "Ah man, you did it, didn't you? You happy now?" she said, slowly as she took a few deep breaths.

Harley stepped to Toni, eyeing her shaky form. "What did I say?" he asked, looking someone had kicked his puppy. He looked heartbroken at seeing Toni like this.

That almost broke Toni more as she couldn't stand to that look in anyone's eyes, especially in someone as young as Harley. Sure, she could see the start of a crush in his eyes, but she couldn't bear to break his innocence. He deserved to keep that as long as possible. Unable to do anything else, she got to her feet and took off. She needed some space or she was about to freak.

"Hey, wait up! Wait, wait."

* * *

*0*0*

* * *

It wasn't until a few moments later that Toni calmed down; however, she couldn't really say she had calmed down. But, she had a mission, and she had to complete it, as no one hurt her family and got away with it when she was around. She was going to get that asshole.

"Yeah, limited edition," Toni replied with a fake smile on her face.

"Oh, I don't doubt it," the nameless scarred woman replied, giving the genius a look. There was a judgement in her eyes that annoyed Toni. "Well, have a good evening." She added, putting on a smile.

Toni watched the woman for a second before she turned to the boy. From the corner of her eyes, she could see Harley. With a smile on his face that Toni couldn't look past, he stared at her, focusing on her. It was a bit unnerving, but that was to be expected. She was Toni Stark, and she was a big deal. Anyone would be lucky to meet her…well if you asked Toni.

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

The Genius had always thought that Harley was a pain since the second that she saw him. Really, she thought he was a pest, but there was a small part of him that grew on her. He was a brother that she never wanted, but that didn't mean she wouldn't protect him like a brother, an annoying little brother…Again, she didn't want a brother…though her younger self might have. However her younger self was an idiot, even if she was already inventing at that age.

"Let me go!" Harley cried as he kicked his legs. Being held by Savin, Harley looked small and weak, compared to the glowing man—yes, Toni was still trying to get used to it.

This man and the mad, insane woman had surprised Toni with their abilities, though nothing these days should. She was dating a super soldier and was best friends with a man with horrible anger management skills.

 **"** Help me! Help me!" Savin said, mocking the young boy in his hands. There was a nasty grin on his face as he held on to the boy tightly.

Toni couldn't move and she wanted to scream, not that she would give Savin that. She would never give in to this man, but she was pinned, unable to move. Somehow someway she was still alive, considering she should've been smashed to death. Granted, it felt like it. Sure, there wasn't a car on her legs, but it felt like it. To make matters worse, there was countless metal pieces digging into her, cutting her, and each were different sizes and lengths.

"Hey kid, what would you like for Christmas?" Savin asked, as he glanced back to the trapped genius.

"Ms. Stark, I am so sorry!" Harley yelled, still struggling to free himself. Tears, that he would deny later, ran down his face staining his cheeks.

 **"** Oh. No, no. I think he's trying to say 'I want my goddamn file,' Doll Face." Savin replied, his mocking tone changing. Putting on a fake Brooklyn accent, there was only person he was trying to mock Toni with.

If she wasn't pinned, Toni would kick his ass, even though this man glowed dangerously. That would just made her try harder, and it wasn't like she was completely helpless. She had something up her sleeves that she was waiting for the right time to use. "It's not your fault kid. Remember what I told you about bullies?" She asked, remembering what she had given him earlier. She could almost smile at her horrible parenting (not that it could be called that) skills.

It was night and day as Harley's eyes widened. His fear disappeared as he realized Tony was referring to. Pausing his struggle, Harley quickly reached in his pocket and used the device that Toni gave him, which blasts Savin to the ground with ease. Seeing the man stung, the boy wasted no time and placed distance between them as he could.

 **"** You like that, West World?" Toni mocked as Harley ran off to hide. She watched the boy disappear in the night as Savin slowly got to his feet, his eyes glued on her. She could feel herself twitch under his stare, as this man didn't want to go down, refused to go down. Sure, he was glowing somehow for some reason, which made him impossibly strong, but man, she expected him to be stung for a bit or a minute. How unfair was that? However, she wasn't going to let his man get to her, especially after he mocked Steve. No one mocked Steve in front of her.

When Savin was final upright, there was a large, bright (No, really bright) smile on his face, and he didn't look unhappy in the least. He looked glad that Harley blasted him and got away, which was strange. What was his end game? "You're so much trouble, Doll Face." he said.

"Can you stop calling me that?! You're tall, sexy, or blond, so you don't get to call me that," she snapped, having trouble feeling her feet. And that lack of feeling wasn't helping her at all. It was causing her to have flashback to memories that hoped to keep hidden.

The glowing man didn't reply immediately, as he kept walking to her. He waited a few seconds as he smiled down at the genius. "Oh, Toni. It seemed like everyone wants you, not just my boss."

Refused to show an ounce of emotion, Toni took a few deep breath as she tried to calm herself. With anger growing inside, she needed to calm herself, because she would be _useless_ if she didn't. She needed to focus on her plan, on her tech, because an angry genius was not smart. "Tell me something I don't know," she mocked. She tried to be as still as she could in the hopes to draw him closer.

Savin let out a chuckle as he continued to step toward her. "Oh, this one was very interested in finding you."

"Again, look at me," she replied, as sweat poured down her face. Even with the ice cold snow, she felt like she was on fire, and she didn't know if it was because her nerves or what. It could also be the cold, which she was banking on. She was a baby when it came to the cold.

Stepping even closer, he narrowed his eyes at the downed genius and said, "It seemed there's a metal armed Man, who is interested you, so interested that he's becoming an annoying spec on my Boss' radar. And let me tell you, my boss doesn't like that. He doesn't like pests, who cause trouble. He also doesn't like the bloody mess being left by this man. He also doesn't like annoying genius, who don't know when to quit."

"Well, my mind never stops."

Savin narrowed his eyes at her, as a smirk appeared on his face. "Smart guys, always thinking they're ahead, when they are the ass."

Though she wondered who this metal armed man was, she had other things to worry about. She would figure out who this person was later, because the idea that someone was leaving a bloody mess behind him wasn't heartwarming. It was worrisome, but she had other pressing things to deal with. "That's the thing about smart guys, we always cover our asses," she replied, bring up her hand. Without wasting a second, she blasted Savin with the Iron Man plasma blaster that she was able to rig to her chest, rendering Savin immobile—though knowing him, it wouldn't last.

She watched the glowing man for a split second as she flung the burning Iron Man blaster to the side. Her palm stuck for a second as she stared at Savin. Finally not seeing any movement from the man, she let out the breath she was holding. With a renewal energy, Toni kicked as hard as she could, trying to create some wiggle room. Pain shoot up her body, between the tingling of her 'sleeping' legs and rubble digging into her. She could feel the blood start to return to her legs, and they felt like jello, but she wasn't going to stop.

After what seemed like a few long minutes -though only a few seconds-, Toni was able to free her legs from the rubble. She left out a harsh sigh as she struggled to get to her feet. She wimbled on her feet as she slowly made her way toward the Savin. She only spared him a glance before kneeling and stealing his car keys.

* * *

 _*O*O*_

* * *

To say Steve was upset was the understatement of the year. He was downright _pissed_ , and no one was safe from his anger. He had lost count to how any people he had snapped at for merely walking by and the many pointed looks Natasha had given him. He knew he should calm down as they wouldn't find Toni if they didn't. However, that was harder said than done. His anger was getting the better of him, because he couldn't understand how SHIELD—Yes, SHIELD—couldn't find _one_ person. How could they not find her? She was _Toni Stark_ , and she didn't know how to keep a low profile.

When Natasha hacked her way into the Stark's mainframe—something Toni was going to flip over, not that it could really be called Hacking…as she used Steve's code…he didn't know how to use it—and found the message from Toni, Steve felt like could breathe again. He had been able to think again. He was able to live again, as the very thought of living in this world without Toni scared him. Now, that may sound extreme—with the very idea scaring even him-, but she was the only person left from his past. She was the last person to see the _real_ him, the weakling, and she was the last person to love that weakling.

He needed that. He needed some kind of anchor, because this time period scared him—not that the tech frightened him. However, he was weary of it, weary of this time that was taking him more time than he expected to get used to. Sure, he loved the color TV that could take up an entire wall, but he hated how attached everyone was to it. People turned to technology for _everything_ , always looking for the next big thing, while Steve just wanted the world to stop. He needed the world to slow down a bit, as it felt like everything was passing him by.

Everything was always changing, and he needed Toni, needed her to be his anchor. Okay, he might be putting too much on the genius, but without Bucky, she was the only person in the world who would call him out on his shit. Sure, she was crazy and insane at times, never shutting up, but she slowed the world down for him. She had experienced things with him that no one else could or ever would, and that meant the world to him. It might that she understood him. So when he learned that she had made it, he felt alive.

Steve just needed to find her, and he needed to find her before she did something stupid—though it could be too late. For a genius, she was pretty stupid at times, acting before thinking, which was pretty normal for her. However, Steve knew why she did this, and for that, he loved her. She had the biggest heart that he had ever seen before, though she would never admit it. She put up this wall, pretending to be cold hearted, but she had a heart of gold, making sure everyone was safe and okay.

She just had two major issues: no self-control and she put _everything_ on her shoulders, and anyone who knew Toni could see this. She never knew when to stop, never knew when it was too much, which would be her down fall, and Steve knew this. She also carried everything on her back, blaming herself for everything-though Steve had that issue at times. Some could say that Toni and he had a lot in common, but he knew when to call for help…Toni did not.

This was why he snapped on everyone who walked by, even though he was ecstatic that his genius was alive. He knew it would only be a matter of time before she ended up dead, and that—

"Rogers, relax." Barton stated as he eyed the stilled Captain.

Steve glanced up at Clint, narrowing his eyes at the man. He hated this, just sitting around and doing nothing, but his skills were on the ground, not computers. "Where are Rumlow and the Strike team?" he asked. He hadn't seen them in some time with the last time with them looking stressed about something. Maybe, they found something?

"They got sent on a high priority assignment," Clint replied, though adding, "And don't ask me what it is. I don't know," quickly. Unlike Natasha, Clint was not safe from Steve's anger.

"Finding Toni isn't?" Steve replied, getting to his feet. He was tired of sitting around here and doing nothing. He was going to find Toni, with or without SHIELD—not that they seemed to be having any luck on their own. But he could do better on his own, tracking Toni the way he knew best.

Clint let out a huge sigh as Steve step away. "You're going to get me yelled at. I'm not supposed to let you leave."

The Super Soldier turned back and gave Clint a look. "You and what army?" he asked in his Captain voice.

"Yup, that's what I thought you would say," Barton replied as he got to his feet. He stretched for a few short seconds before following after the Captain. "Okay, let's go. But Natasha will hunt you down when she finds out, which won't take long."

Steve paused and glanced back to Clint, wondering if he should fight him on this. However, that thought only lasted for a few short seconds as he was going to need all the help that he could get. "Fine, but you better keep up," he replied, coldly. Today was one of those times that he wished Bucky was alive. That man would follow him to the end of the line, and he would do the same for Bucky. There was no doubt that they had each other's back, having a level of trust that no one else had.

"No need to worry about me, Cap. I can keep up, can't let anything happen to our loud mouth."

"Then we have no time to waste," Steve replied, as he turned his back to the door.

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

Toni found Savin's car easy enough, and she was in the driver's seat without minutes. She had the heat blasting within seconds, trying to warm her frozen body. She sat there for a second, taking in all of the heat that she could; however, she also needed that second to calm herself. Her emotions were all over the point, and she couldn't function like this. With her legs still tingling, her body still felt foreign to her, and it was amazing that she could even move.

After a few long minutes and before she could pull away, there was a knock at the driver window. As soon as the window was down, Harley said, quickly, "You're welcome!"

Hiding her shook, the genius up played her tones. "For what? Did I miss something?"

"Me saving your life," Harley replied as if it was the simplest thing.

After all of the time Toni had spent with the kid, she realized that the idea of kids wasn't the worst thing ever, though they would have to be like Harley. He may be a smart ass, but he wasn't a screaming shit bag like the few others she had seen. She couldn't stand the whiney ones. "Yeah. A: Saved you first, B: Thanks, sort of but not really, and C: If you do someone a solid, don't be a yutz, alright? Just play it cool. Otherwise you come off grandiose." However, Harley needed some training.

"Unlike you? Admit it, you need me. We're connected."

Toni laughed, because this kid had some spunk, which she liked. However, she was the queen of spunk, and that wasn't going to work on. "What I need is for you to go home, be with your mom, keep your trap shut, and guard the suit." She didn't want to threaten the kid, but the suit was her baby, and she was a protective momma. "And stay connected to the telephone, because if I call, you better pick up. Okay? I love my baby" She smiled her famous Stark grin. "Can you feel that? We're done here. Move out of the way or I'm gonna run you over. Bye, kid."

Harley didn't move from the car as he gave Toni the biggest puppy eyes that she had ever seen. She had to give credit to the kid for beating even Steve, who had the baby blues on this side. With the right tools, this boy would take over the world with his guilt-tripping skills, which was one reason why he shouldn't be hanging around with her. She would just make it worse, and the world wasn't ready for that.

Toni gave the boy another one of her smirks before closing the window and speeding off. She eyed Harley in her rearview mirror for a few seconds before turning her focus forward. With the deep sigh, she headed out of town and away from her suit, which was a struggle in itself. She had a mission to complete, and nothing was going to stop her from completing it. However, the moving shadows might. With her eyes on the road in front of her, she caught someone or maybe rather something a mere feet from the road near a lone light pole.

Since she met Harley, she hadn't been plagued or haunted by the dancing shadows, but with the boy gone, they seemed like they were back, ready to drive her insane. With her heart beating rapidly, she could see or she thought she could see something sparkle in the shadows, and it stole her breath with each spark. She could feel her heart skip as she pressed her foot hard to the gas petal. With everything coming at her all at once, she wanted to put some distance between them.

With her struggling breaths, she needed space. She needed air. She needed to find somewhere safe. In her mind, that place was Steve, but he wasn't here, and she had no one to blame besides herself. She was keeping him back to protect him, but it did nothing for her. Her heart was racing as she picked up speed, though it didn't seem to help. She was still struggling to keep her head on her shoulders.

She had to keep telling herself that it was her imagination. It was her nightmares, nothing more or less. It wasn't real, no matter what her brain was trying to tell her. She had a mission to do, and he was going to do it.

* * *

 **author Note:**

I am sorry for the random Bold-ed words as this doc thing was randomly bolding things. No idea as to why.

Anyhow, I am again sorry for the long update. Also, I would like to say that it may seem like I am rushing through Iron Man 3, but I have a reason for that. I don't want to spend too much time on IRON Man 3. I just want to get past it.

Well until next time. Let me know what you think.


	10. A Job to DO

Hello,

First of all, I am a horrible author. This chapter took me forever to write. Two months write the chapter itself and the about three weeks for the proofing. I don't why it took me soo long, though life happens. Crap and more crap. And even more crap.

Anyhow, I hope you like this chapter. With chapter, I was to make it through Iron Man 3. I don't want to rush or have the chapter feel like it is rushed, but I don't want to spend too long in Iron Man 3.

So here you go. Let me know what you think. Reviews are now.

* * *

 **Chapter 10:**

 **A Job to DO**

* * *

"Mom, I need to call you back, something magical is happening."

Even with everything going on, there was only one thought in Toni's head and it was 'oh crap.' This wasn't the first time she ran into one her super fans, but man, this person was one of the extreme—the mega crazy ones. Plus, he was giving her the _vibe_ \- though if she was honest with herself, this wasn't the first time that she met someone who gave her the vibe. However, this one was different. Toni was _different_ , and that changed things. She also felt like crap, which put her on edge. If genius had been well rested and didn't feel like she had been hit by a bus, her nerves wouldn't feel like they were on fire. If she had been well rested, she would've felt like the kick ass woman that she was, which would've overcame any nerves. Also, this was the worst possible time for a crazy fan, not when she had to save the world.

"Ssh." Toni hushed with a finger to her lips, as she tried to calm the man in front of her.

However, there was no calming the man, who looked high. Gary the Cameraman was hopping like a loud rabbit looking for a mate, causing anyone to either cover their ears or be prepared to be mentally scarred. "Toni Stark is in my van!"

Toni could feel her heart beat against her chest, as Gary's excitement grew. "Keep it down," she demanded, worried that someone would hear him and notice her. "SSSHH," she hissed.

"Toni Stark is in my van!"

Toni's worry turned into annoyance as the urge to punch this man grew. Sure, any fan could be dangerous, but there was something different about this man. He seemed more like an adult child, who didn't know when to stop talking, then a danger. "No, she's not," she hissed, eyeing the open door and the people walking. Sure, the world was going to find out that she was alive—she was Toni Stark, and she could only remain quiet for some long, but right now, the world needed to think she was dead. She needed to be under the radar for her plan to work.

With the biggest smile that Gary could muster, he exclaimed, "I knew you were still alive! Does Captain America know?! He must know! Is he around here something?" He asked, as he went to look out the van.

Toni didn't think anyone could make her wish that Harley, the boy who never shut up, was at her side instead of this idiot, who didn't understand personal space. However, the mention of Steve got Toni's mind spinning. Having no idea what was going though Steve's head at this very moment, Toni had no interest of being reminded of her perfect Boyfriend, who deserved better than her. Guilt just filled her, whenever she thought about the pain and heartache she was putting him through. "Come on in and close the door, Damn it. You're letting in the flies."

With the energy of a child, Gary closed the door quickly—almost slamming it-, but his goofy smile died slightly as he looked at her, her messy state. "And where is the good Cap? Is he outside?" He repeated as he looked toward the door. How could he leave you? Someone amazing as you! He should be treating you like his queen. I would never let you out of my sight if I was him."

Okay, this conversion was getting weirder and weirder with each passing second, and Toni was counting the seconds before she could put this man in her rearview mirror. She couldn't only take so much crazy, and Hawkeye had put her over the limit days ago.

* * *

*O*O*

Gary was the oddest man that Toni had ever met, and she had met a lot of people…She was counting Loki in this, even if she couldn't really compare the two. Gary wasn't insane or murderous like Thor's adopted brother, whose master plan with her was still a mystery, but that was another story for another time. The cameraman, however, was _strange_. That was the nicest thing she could say, granted that could be the lack of sleep talking. With the lack of rest and her mind running million miles per second, everything felt so much worse, and it was putting her on edge.

However, if she had to stare at that fugly tattoo one more time, she was going to kill someone. That _thing_ on his hairy arm _wasn't_ her, and she was going to slap the man in half if he said it one more time. Also, if he mentioned that creepy doll of his one more time, she really was going to hit someone, because that was downright disturbing. How big was this doll? What did he do with this doll? Was it one of his _special_ toy? The very thought made Toni shudder, but if she thought about it, he probably wasn't the only one…Before Steve, she had chuckled at the thought, but now, it was extremely creepy, especially when he was right in front of her.

Shuddering, Toni couldn't shake the image of him playing with _it_ in the basement of his mother's house while thinking of her. He also seemed to be like the type to have a shrine too… maybe, two shrines. Seriously, look at him! Who was this creepy man and how had no one murdered him yet? How had he not murdered anyone yet? He totally seemed like the type to have people laced up in his basement naked and bleeding…Maybe, his mother protected him or she was helping him; he did seem like the momma boy type. Maybe, she probably protected the world from this crazy man.

However, Toni had other things to worry about, because Aldrich seemed—no, was. He was a complete nutcase, who needed a good punch to the face. Maybe, a kick to the junk as well. A good hard kick. He didn't care who got in his way or who got hurt, if he got what he wanted, which were super soldiers…who would obey him without question. And Toni knew he would do _anything_ to obtain that. Toni didn't know what was going through Aldrich's head, but only one idea came to mind when she thought of a super soldier army, and that was world domination.

In all her years, Toni never wanted to take over the world…Okay, she had thought about it a few times, thinking how easy it would be, and heck, it really was if she put any effort into it. Genius and all…but you can't blame her! Who didn't dream about taking over the world? At some point in their lives, world domination was on everyone child's mind, and Toni's mind was no exception, especially with a father like Howard. With Howard, nothing was off limit, and every possibility should be studied and examined. Though Howard had his issues, there was one thing he didn't take from her: her dreams. Even in his drunken stage, there was nothing she couldn't do, even if she did annoy the hell out of him toward the end of line.

Back to the point, Toni had grown out of the world domination phase many years ago—too much work-, though some like Hawkass might think otherwise. Although…Maybe, it was Barton, who had the dream to take over the world and he was taking it on her. Projecting on her. It was _possible_ , and as she thought about it, it made sense. Total sense. "No," she yelled at herself. Toni didn't have time for this, as she had to deal with the insane Aldrich, whose dream would mean the end of them. He didn't care about human life. He didn't care about anything besides himself.

All of the sudden, it hit her like a pound of bricks. "A bomb isn't a bomb when it's a misfire. This stuff doesn't always work, right, pal?" she replied, glaring at the computer screen. "It's faulty, but you found a buyer, didn't you? Sold it to the Mandarin. Got you." There was a small smile on her face as a plan popped into her head. It wasn't necessity a good plan, but it was a plan.

* * *

*O*O*

Getting a call from Pepper was one of the most stressful experience of Steve Rogers' life, and that was saying something. Having in fought in WW2, he had called and spoken to the loves ones of many deceased soldiers and comrades, as he had to inform the families of their death. Each time, he had done so without sheading a tear. He had done so with a smooth, strong voice, trying to give the families the rock they needed—granted some might say he was too cold, but it was just a shell. Each call stabbed his heart, but he kept it in as he couldn't be weak in front of his men. However, this time, he couldn't, and he knew why.

Toni meant more to him than anyone else in the world—Buck was another story-, and she touched his heart without even trying to. So that call to Pepper hurt more than he expected, and he never wanted to make or receive that call again. Pepper, even if she didn't agree with Toni, had and will always care for her, and even if she removed herself from Toni's life-to cut the craziness and stress-, Toni would always be important to her. She would always care, and her heart would always break. This was no exception. Pepper was worried beyond belief, and Steve could hear it in her voice. And he would do anything to not hear it again, because hearing her broke his heart. Almost broke him in two.

However, his heart was already breaking, but there was one thing that Steve could hold on to: Toni was alive. She was breathing, which might she was coming back to him…Well maybe…Unless, she did something stupid, which was her mo. For being a genius, she did some stupid things, really stupid things—like make public threats and giving her home address. She also never knew when to back down or ask for help, and there was no telling what would or could be happening. She could be in a fire fight for all he knew, and Steve wouldn't put it pass her. She didn't know when to sto—No! He couldn't think like that. Toni left a message stating she was alive, so she had to be alive.

So damn it, she was alive, which was what Steve and Pepper were holding on to. Which was why Pepper was rushing back, even when Steve told her she didn't have to, that she was safer at a distance. He told her that he was going to track Toni down, even if it killed him, but he understood Pepper's worry. He understood her drive. If it was him, he would drop—well, he did drop everything without a second thought.

Though SHIELD were keeping it under the wraps, there was no denying that Toni was here, not with the fresh blacken marks. "What's on your mind, Cap?" Clint asked, as he searched through the metal scraps of what was once a water tower. The area was flooded water and sharp pieces of metal, and the field was turning into ice with the dropping temperatures.

While kneeling in the cold mud, Steve mindlessly looking through the wreckage, but he wasn't really looking for anything. His mind was on Toni, not on the scene in front of him. After finding the single piece from the Iron Man's hand blaster, it meant she was here, but it also meant she was in a fight, which didn't sit well with him. It meant Toni had dug herself a hole, and Steve had no doubt the Mandarin would strike while she was down. They would see it as a challenge. "Barton," he said, placing a gentle warning in his voice. "Not now."

"Rogers," Clint replied, stepping toward the bulky Cap.

Steve turned his head ever so slowly, giving him a cold, calculating look. "Not now. We have to find Toni, before something happens."

Clint let out a heavy sign. "It looks like something already has," he replied, ignoring the deadly glare the Captain was sending toward his way. "Cap, don't look at me like that." He paused for a second before turning away. "Toni always gets herself into deep shit, but she always lands on her feet, and this time won't be any different."

Steve knew Toni had gotten herself into situations before- almost killing herself a few times, but for some reason, this time felt different. Maybe, it had to do with the fact that this was the first time it happened since they had gotten together, but either way or reason, the Captain didn't like it. Didn't like at all. "Does this seem normal?" he asked, picking up a melted piece of metal. "This was not cause by the Iron Man suit."

Barton didn't turn back, focusing on another piece of melted metal. Though the pieces were no longer red hot, the pieces were still warm. "Knowing Stark, she kicked the guy's ass and is gloating somewhere with a drink in her hand."

As good as that sounded, Steve didn't believe that was the case. Something felt off; maybe, it was the message that she left him earlier. It sounded like she had reached the end of her ropes and was ready to throw in the towel, which worried him more. That wasn't Toni, but she hadn't been herself in some time. She hadn't been sleeping, forcing herself to bed with sleeping pills, and now, she was blaming herself for everything. Even if she couldn't stop it, every death was her fault. Combining everything, it was a recipe for something horrible. "Let's search the surrounding area. She might still be here." He replied, not wanting to talk about what was going on in his head with Clint.

* * *

*O*O*

There were a million things going through Toni's head, and JARVIS was the center of them. No one had any idea of how much the suit meant to the genius, even if they thought they did. No matter what they said, no one understood how much JARVIS meant to her—what he was to her, and there was no explaining it to it either. There weren't words to describe what or _who_ the AI was to her, as he was one of the few things that would always be there. JARVIS would be there for her no matter what she did or happened, and that couldn't be said about anyone else…well besides Jarvis, the namesake of the AI.

Even in his death, Jarvis had meaning and influence in her life unlike any other person. Sure, she had people in her life, but there was no one compared to JARVIS, which was why this was hitting her so hard. The AI felt so far away, and it left her feeling exposed. It made her feel like she was out in the open, waiting to be attacked. Waiting to be beaten into the ground. With JARVIS, he protected her, kept her sane when everything else failed. He kept her straight.

"Okay, first things first, I need the armor. Where are we at with it?" Toni asked, wishing she had the AI at her side at this second. It made her skin itch being unable to connect to JARVIS.

"Uh…it's not charging." Harley replied over the phone.

It was like a switch had gone off in her head and the air was gone from her lungs. Suddenly, Toni slammed her foot on the break and yanked the steering wheel to the right, almost losing control. Ignoring the screams of the wheels, she pulled off the road and stopped the car within a few seconds. It felt like someone had punched her and was now sitting on her chest, as she couldn't seem to catch her breath. It felt like someone had their hands wrapped around her heart and was squeezing.

Jarvis added, quickly, as if the AI sensed her distress through the phone. "Actually, Miss, it's charging, but the power source is questionable. It may not succeed in revitalizing the Mark 42." Instead of his smooth computerize voice, his voice sounded choppy.

So no matter what the AI said, nothing would stop the panicking genius from going over the edge. Toni Stark could feel her heart race as she asked, "W-what's questionable about electricity?" Her hands were shaking as she tried to control her breath and failing. "…Alright, it's my suit and I can't…I'm not gonna…I don't wanna…" Toni started having another panic attack, as she couldn't catch her breath, and she rushed out of the car, letting the door to bang loudly. Only getting a foot away, she fell to the ground and puked.

On her hands and knees and unable to get up, Toni forced herself to take a few deep breaths as she closed her eyes, trying to slow her heart. For a few long seconds, she just kneed there, taking in the night sky. The cold, bitter air hit her like a ton of bricks, but it was refreshing at the same time. With the pitch blackness of a panic attack upon her—not that she would admit to them-, Toni counted it as a blessing. "Oh God, not again."

"Toni?" Harley called out. His softness leaked through his tones, though his fear also leaked through as well. It was clear this boy was in over his head. "Are you having another attack? I didn't even mention New York."

Toni could hear the panic in the young boy's voice, and she almost felt guilty, not that as she could at the moment. There was only one emotion screaming in her head, making everything else feel distance and cold. "Right, and then you said it, by name, while denying having said it!" she said, loudly as she leaned backward toward the car.

Toni didn't know how Harley did it, but the boy talked her down…Maybe, it was due to his innocence and/or his inability to see anything wrong with her, but he did something. Sure, the boy had rose colored glasses when it came to the genius, but he didn't judge her like. He believed in her, even if she didn't deserve it or believe in herself, and she didn't know how to handle that. Granted, she didn't know how to handle a lot of things, but right, she was trying. Yet, it felt like she had to reprogram herself at times, like old computers, which was harder than she expected.

Nevertheless, thinking like a computer did help Toni whenever her emotions go wild. Even with an overthinking brain, logic was her friend and thinking like a computer helped. It also helped that Harley reminded her of who she was and what she did: she was a mechanic. She was a builder, a fixer. It also meant there was something to focus on, something to create, which was what she needed. She just needed a task.

* * *

*0*0*

Toni's head was pounding, as a loud banging was echoing in her ears, making it feel like her head was on fire. The bright lights danced in her vision, while a cold sweat pouring down her red face. But at the same time, it felt like someone had taken a baseball bat to her head and pounded her within the inch of her life. With the intense pain growing at the back of her head and up her spine, she couldn't tell how many injuries she had or any kind of injuries, but it did feel like she had been hit by a truck and she had no idea as of why. Why did her body feel so foreign to her? She had so many questions, but she couldn't remember a thing, and the last thing she remembered was talking to the faker.

With pain rocketing through her entire body, it was amazing that she could recall anything. Granted, her body felt weird to her and she had no idea of what was happening around her, but she could feel, and she counted that as a plus. However, that wasn't really a relief, as she only knew so much about her mystery surroundings. She was having a difficult time wrapping her mind around anything as she felt like she was in a cloudy haze. A haze that she couldn't figure out what was up or down, but she could make out a few things even with the poundings, and one of those things was the chafing zip ties securing her to an old metal bedframe, which squealed with her every movement.

"Just like old times?" a voice called out.

The pain stopped for a second, though only for a second, as an intense anger took over. Shaking, Toni forced her eyes opened, ignoring the pain. "Oh yeah, with zip-ties. It's a ball," she snapped, looking at Maya—an idiot woman who didn't look sicky like Toni wanted. No matter how many times or how long it had been since she had seen this woman, anger flooded Toni each time she saw Maya, the woman who changed her life.

There was a smile on Maya Hansen's face, as she sat in front of what Toni would call a hellhole of a work bench on a slightly higher level. That work bench looked like the rest of the room: a trash pit. **"** It wasn't my idea." she said, her tone not exactly friendly but not completely nasty—which felt off putting with her smile.

The genius didn't need any other reason to dislike—no, hate. She didn't need any reason to hate this nasty woman, but fate was giving her another reason to punch her lights out. "So you took Killian's card?!" Toni snapped, struggling with the zip ties that were digging into her flesh. Under the restraints, her skin was red and swore, though the pain was barely registering. Her intense anger was growing with each passing second, and no matter the strange feeling in her head, it didn't seem to be stopping any time soon.

"I took his money," Maya replied, not moving from the table.

With her eye twitching, there were a few things that went flying through Toni's head, and each were nasty comments that she struggled to keep down. These comments were the type of comments that would start WW3, and she didn't need that. In fact, she could see Steve at the back of her mind, giving her the Cap's look. "I see I wasn't the only one you took from," she snapped, barely keep the insults in her head. "And here you are, nth years later in a dungeon. I'm surprised I haven't see any whips."

The smile disappeared on Maya's face as she got to her feet and strengthened her clothes. With decisiveness, she stepped away from the worn laptop and toward a small set of steps, leading to a lower level. **"** No." she replied sternly.

"Yeah," Toni countered, glaring Maya. Even with the throbbing in her head and soreness in her body, her anger was getting the better of her, and she wanted to slap Maya, granted that could be the pain and her tiredness talking. She wasn't the nicest person when she hadn't slept. Steve, Pepper, and Rhodes could attest to that, as she had snapped at them a few times in her sleepiest hours.

 **"** No, you're in a dungeon. I'm free to go," Maya said with a grin on her face.

Again, the stupid expression on Maya's face made Toni want to punch her light out, but struggle as she might, the genius could do nothing against her restraints, which cut into her flesh. **"** Yeah, that's the way you like it, isn't it? Your prey tied up and helpless." Her tone was completely nasty.

Not allowing Toni's comment to get to her, Maya adds, "A lots happened, Toni, but I'm close. Extremis is practically stable."

The woman in front of Toni may be one of the smartest woman that she knew, but she was also one of the stupidest too. She took senseless risks without a care in the world. She didn't care what happened, granted the same could be said about Toni. However, Toni could admit it, even if she didn't want to, and she felt _guilty_. She was far from perfect, but she cared while Maya felt nothing. "I'm telling you it isn't!" Toni snapped, struggling against the restraints "I'm on the street. I'm seeing it; people are going 'bang' and painting the walls. Maya, you're kidding yourself, like always."

Maya took a step forward, closing the distance between them. She was almost touching Toni, while the expression on her face changed slightly. "You still hadn't forgotten about that, have you?"

Toni's right eye twitched as she tried to put space between them, not that she could. The zip ties gave her very little room to move, only allowing a few inches, but no matter the distance, it would never be enough. She wasn't sure if it was because she wasn't comfortable with being this close to Maya when she was unable to defend herself, but man, she was sweating cats and dogs, and it wasn't because she felt ill. Or it was? She was feeling _off_ , feeling a distance in her body. What was wrong with her? Sure, she was hit on the back on her head, but it was more than that. "Never."

Maya took another step closer, though she was already in Toni's personal space. "Then help me fix _it_ and Extremis." Reaching into her pocket of her sweater, _she pulled out the note that Toni had left her in Bern after that_ _night._ _The words 'You know who I am' were visible as she showed the name tag to Toni. After a few seconds of holding it out, she turned the note over to reveal an almost faded hand written equation._

"Did I do that?" Toni asked, knowing very well that she had written it. She remembered everything from that one night, even if she didn't want to.

"Yes." Maya replied, her eyes dropping to Toni's chest. She finally noticed the dog tags hanging from her neck, and after staring for a few long seconds, her curiosity was getting the better of her.

 **"** I remember the night, not the morning." She replied, feeling like someone had turned up the heat in the room. "Is this what you've been chasing around?" She snapped, following Maya's eyes.

"You don't remember?" Maya asked, though she knew Toni was lying. However, her eyes were still glued to the tags.

Toni knew Maya knew she was lying, but she wasn't going to admit anything. She was a Stark after all, and they didn't admit anything, not without five lawyers. "I can't help you, and I won't help you. You used to have a moral psychology. You used to have ideals. You wanted to help people, but look at you now." An image of Steve popped into her head, and she couldn't get him out, not that she wanted to. But she knew what he would say. "I get to wake up every morning with someone who…still has his soul." Steve was her rock and soul.

 _Maya looked at Toni with tears in her eyes, but she didn't say anything, just stared. It was unnerving to say the least, and Toni just wanted to slug her. Maya didn't get to do this, not after everything that she did, and she definitely wasn't allowed to touch her. The genius didn't like it in general when people touched her—unless it was Steve, but that was another story for another time—and she especially didn't like when_ _she_ _touched her._ "Why don't you stop this and get me out of here." Toni snapped. "You owe me…after everything."

Maya turned from Toni and took a few steps back. "Help me, and we will let you go."

If Toni wasn't in so much pain, she would laugh, because no fucker would believe that load of crap. That was 101 in the rule book: never believe the villain, especially when they say they wouldn't kill you. They would always kill you in the end. "I would say bit me, but you might do it," she said, trying to ignore the sweat running own her face.

"You might want to change that answer." A third voice called out.

If Toni never saw Aldrich Killian again, it would be too soon. She had enough of his fake blond to last a life time; plus, he gave her a weird vibe, even without saying a word. Maybe, it was the disgusting smile on his face. "I knew you were a creeper, but this is a bit much. What? Maya isn't putting out?" she asked, croaking out her words.

Aldrich gave Maya a side look before glancing back to Toni, eyeing the sweat running down her face "If you could see yourself, would you change your mind?" he asked as his eyes traveled down to the dog tags around Toni's neck.

"Lies," Toni replied, her eye twitching. "I always look good. And buddy, my eyes are up here." She knew what Maya and Aldrich were staring at, and she hated it. She felt exposed as those two stared at one of the most important gifts she had ever gotten. These dog tags meant more to her than she cared to admit.

* * *

*O*O*

Though the pain lessened, she still felt like she was on fire, still felt like her skin was melting, but with Aldrich in front of her, the pain was at the back of her mind as he served as a good distraction. And her anger was strong. "You're something else," Toni muttered out, feeling her heart flip as she struggled with the whirling emotions in her head. She also tried to ignore the itch under the skin, not that she would be able to scratch it being tied to the bed. And she felt like she was itching everywhere.

"Oh, Toni," Killian teased, stepping all too close to the brunette for her likening. There was a playful tone in his voice as he spoke. "I wanted to repay you with the same gift that you so graciously imparted to me all of those years ago." He reached one hand forward as if to move the hair out of Toni's face, while the other reached int his pocket for something that the Genius couldn't see. "I must say I'm curious what this will do to you and…the child." He said with a strange look in his eyes. "But think about it. How will it turn out?" he added as he waved the needle in front of her.

Toni froze for a second, taking a few minutes to realize what the hell he was talking about. Usually, she only half listened whenever someone talked, and now, was no different. Most of the times, she acted cool and played it off, like the awesome person she was. But, there was more to his comment then her half listening, and when she realized what he meant, it took everything she had not to laugh. She forgot she had given him the idea that she was pregnant with Steve's kid, not that she understood how he even got the idea. However, she still couldn't believe that he believed that. Killian had the creepy scientist vibe…well, the creepy vibe in general, but how completely stupid he could he be? How did he not know she was lying? Maybe, the blonde dye had gone to his head.

On the other hand, Maya's expression changed suddenly and panic took over. In a shaky form, she stumbled forward. "What?" she uttered as she reached for something-anything to support herself. "Killian, no!" she protested, terror setting in her eyes. "You can't. You don't know what it would do to the baby."

Unable to stop herself, Toni let out a loud chuckle, even though her throat was sore and dry. It hurt to laugh, but she didn't care. "Oh, you're worried now?" she asked, not even bothering to correct them about the nonexistence baby. Let them be idiots. "Why don't you go plant some daisies or something?"

"Toni," Maya uttered. Her tone was unnerving, and no one knew what to make of the growing softness in her tone

However, the tone annoyed Toni like no other, because this woman was not allowed to feel sorry for her, especially after what she had done. "You two can take whatever you're selling and shove it, and if you try to stab me with that, I'm going to go all ninja on your white ass. Won't even need the suit." She replied. "Cool kids don't do drugs."

Fondling it with his fingers, Killian mindlessly the needle, as his smile grew. "This drug isn't like anything that you had tried before," he said with a wink. "You'll get a kick out of it."

If it was possible, Toni's anger grew. Besides the sleeping pills she was currently using like vitamins, she wasn't using any type of hard drugs, granted she couldn't say in her youth that she hadn't. She had been a wild child, much to her father's displeasure. Now, she wouldn't even think about touching any hard drugs. Besides, she had liquor-hard liquor-, and it gave her the numbness she needed. "Why don't you release me and I show you how I feel about that idea?" she snapped, trying to force back the pain.

The man let out a chuckle. "Why don't we talk about the job first?" He replied, not moving. The needle was dancing dangerously in his hand. "We haven't even talked salary yet. What kind of perk package are you thinking of? Hm?" He asked. "Any signing perks that you want?"

"You can't afford me," Toni said, her eye twitching. Again, she struggled against her restraints, causing the dog tags to ding as they hit the rector. "You couldn't even afford my right shoe."

Killian took a step forward, allowing only a few inches between him and Toni. "You say that now, but after this, you won't be saying that." He pointed the needle toward her neck.

Maya looked alarmed, and if Toni didn't already hate the woman, she _might_ be concerned, but she couldn't find it in her to care—not now. With the needle inches to her neck, she just wanted to punch someone. Granted, she wanted to punch everyone in the face at the moment, and her discomfort wasn't helping matters. "That don't you suck?"

A loud bang echoed across the makeshift lab, drawing everyone's attention. "Let her go!" Maya said loudly, reaching for another Extremis injector. After raising it to her neck, everything happened at super speed, and before Toni realized it, Killian stepped away and a gunshot rattled the room. In seconds, Maya was face down on the ground, bleeding, and she was a dead white, almost ghost like. Though it was a battle, Maya wasn't dead yet, but she was in extreme pain and would be dead soon judging by the amount of blood.

However, Killian was unaffected by the amount of blood dripping to the floor and copper smell filling the air. "The good news: a high-level position will be vacated soon."

 **"** You're a maniac," Toni said, her eyes glued to the dying Maya. She was unable to remain upright, and it was a struggle to keep her eyes open. Toni couldn't stand the woman in front of her, but she didn't want her dead—even if there had been days in the past that she had. "Who would join you? I see how you treat your employees."

Killian's smile was as large as his face. "No, I'm a visionary. But…I do own a maniac, and he takes the stage tonight." He counters. "And I like loyalty in my employees."

* * *

*O*O*

Maya was seconds from death, but she didn't stop fighting, not that Toni blamed her. Death was one of Toni's greatest fears, and no matter how often she faced it- and she faced it a lot-, Toni could never truly face it, face lack of control, the unknown. Even now, Toni was tired, overheated, and in pain, and her possible death was screaming at her at the highest volumes. She could feel her worry and concern yelling at the back of her mind. She could feel it build up inside of her, though it could be a panic attack that she refused to acknowledge.

"T-Toni," Maya muttered, sweating and visibly shaking, as she tried to crawl her way to Toni. "I a-a..."

The genius struggled in her zip ties, almost to the point of blood. She didn't need to look to at her wrists to know they were red and seconds away from splitting open. "Maya," she uttered, ignoring the armed guards from the Pony express in the room eyeing her. "Why do you have to be such an idiot?"

"T-Toni," Maya called again, as she reached the steps.

It was difficult to watch as Maya left a blood trail behind her, but Toni couldn't look away. "Stop," she begged, unsure of what to say. What did she tell the woman that screwed with her head so many years ago and was now dying in front of her? Maya may have put a dent in Stark, but she wasn't supposed to die like this, not in front of her. This was going to be another dent in Toni's armor, and she couldn't handle that. Again, she brought on someone's death, as she refused to act, refused to listen. Sure, helping a madman take over the world wasn't smart, but was it right to sentence Maya to death? Did she not care that Maya would die for refusal?

Forcing herself to take a few deep breathes, Toni could do nothing but hate herself as guilty took over. She hated this woman, but she didn't want the woman dead. She didn't want any of this but she could do nothing as Maya tumbled down the steps face first. Toni could do nothing as Maya's head hit the ground hard and she stilled. She let out a soft moan, but other than that, Maya was quiet. It was disheartening. "Maya," Toni called, forgetting the pain in her back.

But, the woman didn't respond, and the only movement from the scientist was the blood leaving her body and trailing outward. The dirty copper smell filled the room, and it made Toni's stomach flip and brought tears to her ears, but she couldn't look away. It was like a car accident. She just stared at the blood for a good while, and she watched as it acted like a growing spider web.

* * *

*O*O*

Florida wasn't on the Asset's list of favorite places, granted he didn't have a list to begin with. To have a list would mean he was more than a weapon, more than property, and he was not. He was a weapon that was sent places, ordered to kill and come to back when ordered. He was nothing more or less, and if he didn't obey, he was punished, punished severely. He wasn't human. He didn't have emotions or rights, and he had accepted that—not that he had any other choice or fight in him to go against this programming. His programming was law, his DNA, and he would follow it to the T, though at the moment that wasn't the case.

It all was because of that dark hair Brunette. Right now, he wanted to be in Florida, wanted to be in Florida with that _her_ …with Toni. His brain supplied the name, even if it felt foreign to him, and every time he thought about her, a strange feeling tingled in his heart. It almost over took him; in the beginning, the feeling scared him and he wanted to destroy it. However, after seeing her and unable to stop the tingles, it morphed into something more. These feelings were completely mind blowing, mind altering, and it took everything in him not to turn around and run. But when he allowed himself to these things, he learned he enjoyed them.

And he would do anything to keep these feelings, which meant tracking Toni down to wherever the genius went. It also meant that he would kill anyone who dared to keep him from Toni, and this included his handlers. Though his kills were myths- stories told to create panic, he had no doubt that his handlers would find him, but they would have a fight on their hands. A deadly fight. He was the Winter Soldier, the ultimate assassin, and there wasn't a target or assignment that he couldn't kill. He was the assassin of the ages, an unstoppable force.

The man at the end of his arm could attest to this, though he didn't have long to say it, as the man was dead seconds later. With an arm through his chest, the unnamed man didn't have a chance, and that was the same with his black jacketed teammate, who fell dead a second later. Their deaths were quick though messy, and they had been unable to call for help, which art of surprise on the table. Though the asset didn't need the advantage, he didn't want them to see him coming. He wanted to kill them before they knew what hit them. He wanted him to fear him when they realized their death was near, as in his mind, they didn't deserve anything less.

And he was willing to do whatever it took, even being out in the open unlike his prior kills. With the sun beating down, the Winter Soldier, still dressed in all black, was standing out from his surroundings, granted anyone would stand out in what appeared to be an abandoned home. What was supposed to be a foreclosed house, this place was filled with activity, and the heat signatures were running all throughout the compound, confirming that someone was using this place for a base. However, there was something odd about the signatures as some were reading extremely high—too high for a normal human, though the Soldier wasn't concerned about the readings. Nothing would stop him, even if they outnumbered him, as he was on a mission to locate a certain Brunette, who had been dragged into the abandoned mansion a few hours ago. For that, everyone would die.

With one goal and task in mind, he headed in the run-down mansion gun at the ready, and no matter what stood in his way, he would find Toni, the woman who haunted him for so many years. He may not remember much of his past or his last mission, but this woman stuck out to him. No matter what his handlers did or the pain they caused, she had wormed her way in, and he was unable to rid himself of her, not that he put up a fight. Besides her being a source of comfort, he was curious to why there was such a strong attachment to her.

What did this woman do? What did she have on him? It wasn't pain like his handlers. Did she want to control him? Did she want to use him? Or was it something else? It didn't seem like she wanted to control him, but the Asset didn't know what else she could want with him, and it left him with questions. Questions, he couldn't answer. Questions, he wasn't used to, as he hadn't been awake long enough for questions to form. Plus, questions were considered unacceptable. He wasn't allowed to have questions. He was a weapon, and weapons did not think.

As another man fell by his hand, an explosion echoed across the compound, shaking the floor. After the roar of the explosion died, faint sounds of combat could be heard in the background, though they didn't last long. The battle was over in seconds, and the Asset spotted the fake blond and his goons a minute later as they escaped the compound. They didn't seem to be any kind of hurry, even if the sounds of another battle suddenly roared. The Assassin in black watched as they climbed into three dark SUVs. Hesitating, it went against his programing to leave witnesses alive, but he also wanted to kill them for touching the Brunette.

However, he had to find her and disappearance before anything happened—as something would happen. He was the Winter Soldier-, and once he did, he wouldn't allow her out of his sights, not that she would have any choice or any interesting in doing go. They also wouldn't be able to stay in one place for long, not when his handlers were hunting him; nevertheless, they wouldn't be able to get anywhere near them, not when he had his brunette. He would protect her from his handlers at all cost. He already had a plan, ready to use. He just needed to find her.

But that was easier said than done as he spotted the Brunette, decked in a worn suit of armor, and a black man heading toward the boat in the distance. With annoyance growing, the Asset didn't know how he missed them exiting the compound, but they were getting away, and he couldn't allow that. However, it didn't seem like he had much of a choice, as the speed boat zipped away before he got close. Feeling a different emotion bubbling inside of him, he knew that was one thing: it didn't matter how far Toni went he would find her.

* * *

*O*O*

Toni let out a sigh of relief as she and Rhodes made it to the speed boat. It felt like a weight had been lifted off her chest in some sense, and it wasn't due to her newfound freedom, but rather, it was due to having Rhodes at her side. Like Steve, Rhodes was a rock for her. He had always been there for her, and he always would. He was the type of friend that she could count on to be there for her when things got rough, and since his best friend was Toni Stark, every day was rocky. However, a level of comfort grew between them that nothing could tear down, and it could withstand anything, including the mess they were in now.

"Rhodes and Stark out." Rhodes replied, terminating the call with the Vice President.

Even with everything happening, something felt off. There was something in the air that she couldn't place and it was bugging the shit out of her. With her head pounding in her ear, she felt like she was getting beat up, though she hadn't 'cool down' since the capture. She had been running hot for a while now, feeling like she was going to overheat at any second, and this feeling didn't seem to be going away. Even now, she felt like she was melting. "I need air," she announced loudly, surprising Rhodes and not giving him any time to reply. His eyes were wide as Toni was out the door.

Still in the Iron Man suit- minus the helmet-, Toni leaned against the railing, almost losing her balance and falling over (not that she would fall in the suit), but she didn't move from her spot. The cool wind felt nice on her hot face, and she couldn't think of any other place that she would rather be…No, that was a lie. She wanted to be in Steve's arms, but giving the situation, this would have to do. Standing in the hot sun with the strong wind in her hair—which was a complete mess on her head and sticking up in all directions-, she felt okay—not okay. She felt old herself return, even if was only for two seconds.

"Tones," Jim called from the entryway of the boat's cabin. He was unsteady on his feet as strong waves rocked the boat, but he didn't let that stop him. He was on a mission.

Toni knew Rhodey wanted to talk since she first made contact him after her supposed death, but they hadn't had the time. How could there be? Thad been under attack, having to play defense, and now, they had to save the President. With the threat level in the red, it was a horrible time to have a talk, nor was it a good time to have a freak out, though that didn't stop Toni. Here she was on the edge, falling apart. How could she fight in this state? How could anyone keep their head on their shoulders if they were feeling like she was? "No," she replied, fighting back the oncoming headache—not that she could remember a time without one.

"Toni."

The genius forced herself to take a few deep breaths as she pushed off the metal railing of the boat. It dented easily under the Iron Man's grip, as she tried to calm herself with a strong count. "Not now."

Jim gave her a hard look, a clear sign that he wasn't backing down. "No, I can't go into battle with someone I can't trust."

Just like that, it felt like someone had punched Toni in the gut and stolen her breath. It was almost impossible to breathe. Even in the suit, she found herself shaking, trying to remain upright on her feet. "W-What?" she shuttered, as her hand went to her heart, hovering over the spot that the dog tags hidden beneath the suit.

Rhodes' expression fell seeing her expression. "There you go again. Overthinking that. I don't mean it like that."

Toni knew she had that problem, knew she couldn't turn off her brain. It was always turning, always shooting out items no matter the time or subject. Her mind overthought _everything_. It didn't matter what it how big or small the issue was, as she would go over it five times in a matter of seconds. Then a few seconds later, she would go over it a few more times. And sometimes, she would do it a third time. In the end, she would confuse herself so much that she wouldn't know what was up or down anymore. "And what the hell is it supposed to mean? You said you can't trust me!" she snapped, her head spinning.

"Tones," he started again. "I do trust you on a good, but look at you." His tone was soft but hard, clear that he was concerned. "In the military, we remove soldiers from the field when they're in emotional state or failed a psych test. Right now, your mind is your worst enemy, and you aren't in the right mind set. I doubt you could pass a psych test right now." He paused to take a breath. "I'm your best friend; I'll do anything for you, but you're scaring me right now. It feels like you're waiting for death. Waiting for something to happen like you deserve it."

Toni didn't need him to tell her this, because she knew this. She could feel the guilty in her heart, feel it overwhelming her. She knew she was going crazy, if she hadn't ready. She _was_ seeing things, and Jim had the right to be worried, but she _needed_ him to trust her, to believe in her. She needed him to be on her side no matter the situation, even if she was wrong. She needed him. "Stop," she said, strongly. "I don't need this right now."

Jim's expression hardened just a bit. "We have to do this now, because I can't have you freezing on me. With everything going on, I need to make sure-"

"Enough," Toni snarled, glaring at Jim. She knew she needed to calm down and Jim had a point, but she wasn't a child. She could handle this…even if she was seeing things-though it was really one thing. One person. Even if she hadn't always been able to make out the man's face, she knew who was torturing her mind. No matter how much time had passed, Bucky would always haunt her, always be on her mind. "You either back me or you don't. It's that simple."

"I will always be with you and have your back, but Toni," he started. "Talk to me."

That was the problem: she didn't want to talk. She couldn't. Starks weren't talker. "Rhodey," she replied, a warning in her tone.

"If you aren't talking to Rogers, then talk to me," he replied, unable to mask the bitterness in his tone when he said Steve's name. "Lean on me."

Forcing herself to take a deep breath, she quieted the insult in her throat. Jim hadn't been quiet about his feelings for Steve during the last few weeks, which annoyed the genius to no end. Steve wasn't like the other people she had been with. He was kinder for one. He wasn't using for another. "We don't have time for this. We have to save the President."

"When was the last time you slept?" he asked.

She felt like she was under arrest for murder with these questions, and she didn't like that, not at all. "Well, you can ask Steve, but we didn't do much sleeping," she replied with a wink, as she tried to chance the subject. "He has some stamina in him."

Jim let out a groan before he could stop himself. "I don't want to hear these things," he said, as the mood suddenly changed. "I will never unhear that." He moaned as he closed his eye, trying to block her out.

Even if she knew Rhodes wasn't going to drop this, Toni let out a loud chuckle because teasing her best friend was one of her favorite past times. She would enjoy no matter the situation. "Oh, this conversion isn't R rated yet."

Shaking his head, Jim took a step toward his best friend. "Oh, god no," he groaned. "I do not need to hear that!"

"But that's all of the juicy stuff."

Taking a deep breath, Rhodes shook his head. "I know what you're doing, Toni, and it won't work," he said with a heavy sigh.

Why couldn't he drop this? "We don't have time for this," she said, harshly. "We have to save the President." Why didn't he understand that they didn't have the time for this?

"I know," he replied, turning to stare out at the calming ocean. There was a struggle on his face as he turned to Toni. "I need you to be honest with me at all times."

Honesty was one of Toni's biggest issues as it needed her to be honest with herself first, which was something she couldn't do. It would require her to admit she was weak, and she couldn't do that. Pluse, she never knew what was going on in her head in the first place, as she overthought herself into a hole. "Ain't I always?"

Rhodes let out a harsh sigh. "It's the matter of when it suits you," he replied, harder then he intended. He forced himself to take another deep breath.

"Jim," she said, softly. Toni didn't want to have this conversion with him, not now—not ever. Emotions were not her thing, not her strength, and the very thought made her want to run screaming for the hills.

Sensing the tones in her voice, Rhodes backed off. "Okay," he replied, looking her over. In the Iron Man Suit, it was hard to get a good reading on her, but as her best friend, he could only always get a reading on her when he looked hard enough. "Why don't we get Rogers? Or he can meet us? He would come running if you called. He's deeply worried."

Toni knew why he brought up Steve, as the super solder calmed her, but she didn't want him. Sure, she would always need him, but she didn't _want_ him here, which was different. This was her mess, and she had to fix it herself. She was the one who made the threats. She was the one who couldn't keep her mouth shut. She was the one who wouldn't listen, so no, she didn't want to involve Steve. He couldn't be hurt because of _her._ Sure, he was the Super Soldier, but that didn't mean he couldn't get hurt or worse, and she couldn't bear it if something happened to him. She already lost Bucky, and she couldn't lose anyone else. "We can handle this on our own."

Rhodes gave her a hard look. "This is the President, Toni," he replied.

"No," she yelled, strongly. "I am going to fix this."

There was a twitch in Jim's right eye as he watched Toni head toward the boat's cabin. "Fine, but I'm only dropping this for now because the Vice President is sending back up and we don't have time for a fight. But we _will_ talk about this."

For Toni, that meant as soon as she saved the president, she would disappear, because she didn't want to talk about whatever she was seeing. She had already let Steve in, and she couldn't handle letting anyone else in more so than she already did. That would make it real, and she couldn't face that right now. It was too much, and to make matters worse, Maya's death was now replaying in her head. Her eyes, her regrets were forever engraved in Toni's head. Unlike with Bucky, Toni had seen the panic in her eyes when Maya knew her death was near.

Even after everything that Maya had done and everything that happened, Maya held some part of the Toni's heart. Sure, the hold didn't compare to any of the Avengers, Pepper, Rhodes, or Steve's, but it was there. And Maya's death would haunt her like the others. Toni would- if she didn't already- blame herself for Maya's death much like with Bucky's death. No, Maya would never compare to Bucky, and her death wouldn't tear her heart in two, but it hurt.

With a deep sigh, Toni thought about Barnes, and she could only imagine what it would've been to have been there. To have seen the fear in his eyes when he knew his death was upon him. That thought alone gave her nightmares, and every now, Maya's death brought up these heartbreaking emotions, creating pictures of Bucky's death in her head. One hand balled at her side, while the other yanked the power cord out of the arc reactor. "We have job to do."

With that, there was no more talking as they had to save the President.

* * *

 **The end for Now:**

I hope you like this Chapter. Leave me reviews, even if I am a horrible Author.


	11. Frozen Time

Hey All.

I have no words. I have been working on this chapter for months... Yes, Say it with me. Months. I have spent countless nights on this one chapter. So it goes without saying that I'm not completely happy with this chapter. However, I wanted to get this chapter out- had tried to get this out a few days but system issues.

So here you go. Let me know what you think.

Don't kill me.

* * *

 **Chapter 11:**

 **Frozen Time**

* * *

Everything was pounding around her. It was pulsing, bumping like a speaker playing loud music, and all she wanted to do was cover her ears. Toni could feel the world around her explode—like bombs going off, though that could just be all in her head. Her head was pounding. Sure, she was in a middle of a battle, a fight with _fire_ men. Sure, she knew how it felt to be in a fire fight, but this was different. She felt like she was _on_ fire, melting from the inside out. Her suits were melting. She wasn't sure what it was, but seeing Steve jump down in front of her with his shield made it worse.

Wanting (needed) to do this herself, she had told Rhodey that she didn't want Steve here, and she meant it. She didn't need him, even if she felt like death. After he finished saving the President and she had taken care of all these fire people—she so needed a name for them-, she was going to kick his ass from here to Mexico while she was still in the Iron Man Suit. The place didn't matter as Rhodes went against her wishes and called the Captain. He was her best friend. He wasn't supposed to go against him

And She didn't need Steve…even if he did protect her from a fire ball. Okay, maybe that was a plus. Because! Hello, fireball. Like what the hell?! A fireball, seriously?!

Why did all the bad guys get all the awesome abilities? She would kill to have that power… Maybe, not kill but you get the idea. However, she could add something like that to the Iron Man suit, and it was totally possible. There wasn't anything that she couldn't do. Even if with the world exploding around her, a smile appeared on her face just thinking about it. She looked devilish as Steve got to his feet and turned to her. With her genius mind spinning, she totally forgot that she was mad at the man for daring to show his pretty face.

With a rush of joy and exuberance, she turned to Steve, as energy rushed through her. Before realizing what she was doing, she tackled her boyfriend, placing a kiss to his lips. Even with a loud explosion in the background, it didn't take long for the Super Soldier to wrap his arms around her and pull her close. Steve was like the sun, warming her up. He warmed something inside of the genius that Toni couldn't describe. Even with their problems. Even with even coming down on them. Even with the crap coming at her, he was safe. He was home, not that she had an idea of what that was, but she felt open with him, even if she was ashamed of herself. He showed her every day that she had nothing to be ashamed of, and she needed it. It took away her anger and fear.

However, before she could wrap herself around Steve, an arrow flew through the air like a knife, burying into a target a few feet from the kissing pair. From the arrow, a small bright blast flashed behind them, forcing them back to the matter of hand. With a step back, Toni's heavily blinked as she forced her head back to the dangers around them. "Barton," she uttered as she spotted the purple Archer on a metal beam, his bow out in from of him. "Who called you?! I didn't ask for bird brain."

"Toni," Steve muttered, warning softly.

At the same time, Barton shook his head. "Not the time, Stark. Not the time." He was calmed, but there was an edge to his tone. He reached behind his back for another arrow, drawing quickly. He didn't look away from his target, his eyes glued on him.

Biting down on her lip, she forced herself quiet—which was harder than it should've been-, as she turned her attention back to the issue at hand. Her anger flared as she remembered why. Yes, she knew that Clint had a point, a valid point; plus, she was really angry at herself. She was the ass seeing things. She knew she shouldn't take it out on everyone else, but she had no self-control in this sleepless state, not that she had any control period. "Well, don't miss," she replied, catching sight of Rhodes leaving with the President. She could rest slightly at accomplishing their main goal.

"I never miss," he said, as he let the arrow fly. The fire man—AGAIN, what else did you call these people? Flame people? Human torches?— stumbled back as ice exploded from the tip of the arrow. A gift to the Barton, though she wondered what he did to deserve it.

Steve stepped from away from Toni, as he placed himself once more between her and the blast. He kept his shield in front him, keeping his chest shielded, as his eyes were focused on the man. "Not the time for gloating," he said.

Lacing another special arrow, Barton fired again. His eyes still trained on the flaming ex-soldiers. "I'm awesome, Cap. I can gloat and fire at the same time, unlike some people." He paused for a second before adding, "And if Stark can do it, so can I. No special treatment here unlike certain people. Do I need to sleep with you to get special treat-"

"Someone would probably pay for a video of that or at least watch it," Toni interjected, thinking. "Oh, there're probably a lot of sex type that the media would love to see."

"TONI!" Steve yelled, his face slightly pink.

Barton broke out into laugher. "Oh, if we're selling sex types, I better get some profit out of this. Avenger Porn would be hot."

It was clear that the group had a good working relationship, even if Cap didn't like the banter. It kind of made Toni jealous to how smoothly Rogers worked with others, which if he had to glare at them with his captain stare to make they do so. Right now, for example, she was torn between hugging Steve and punching him, just because of the person he was. "No wonder he can't get laid."

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

With rapid fire balls coming at her head, Toni didn't think there was anything that could stop these men, as you couldn't exactly destroy fire; however, blowing the Mark 42 did seem to work on Kilian, as the flames were still reaching high into the sky. In his place was a ball of dancing fire, and even if the intense flames melted everything it touched, Toni could feel the breath she was holding released—something that she didn't even know she was doing, and the pressure was gone. It was almost freeing. Almost.

However, she could breathe easier, not that it wasn't physically painful to breathe. (She did just get out of a fight. Running, dodging and jumping from Iron Man suit to Iron Man suit.) But, she breathed better. She didn't know what it was, but Killian gave her the creeps...Okay, she had some idea of why. Maybe, it was because he looked at her with a strange look that she couldn't get out of her head. Like he wanted to eat her. Or maybe, it was because he could shoot fire out of his hands. Yea, that was probably it. Shooting fire was never a normal thing or good thing.

However, it pulled at her heartbeat race at the same time, as Toni watched the head piece of her Mark 42 suit burn and melted (Yes, it was that hot). Though her suits were just metal, they were her babies—her greatest creations. They were what made her special, more than that spoiled rich bitch. They made her a hero (some might fight on the degree, but they could shut their face) and gave her meaning. It made her a better person. So, watching her suit, her baby, burn was a shot to the chest. It felt like someone had cut her open. It was like she was bleeding.

She didn't get to sob and moan for long as Aldrich suddenly popped out of the intense fire like a phoenix. Besides for his burning, smoking clothes, he looked prefect—his skin smoothed-, as he walked toward her with a hungry look in his eyes. It was like he had walked off a photo shoot with that stupid fake blond hair. It danced in the air from the breeze. The only thing that broke that illusion was his clothes, which were falling off him. Though almost naked, it didn't stop or distract the man… Maybe it was because there wasn't a fucken scratch on him. Maybe, he was proud of his body. It was prefect. There was a remark on the tip of tongue for what she thought of him, but the look in his eye stopped her.

Even if no one thought it was possible, she knew when to shut up—she just didn't do it. She was silent though as she wasn't stupid, especially when she was on the ground and unable to stand. With the intensity and length of the fight, her legs felt like jello and she was unable to put any weight on them. Having jumped from suit to suit, she had pushed herself to her limits. Toni wasn't out of shape, but she wasn't a soldier. She wasn't trained like Barton or Rogers. She wore herself out fast, especially when she had to jump from suit to suit to avoid getting killed.

Aldrich Killian was glaring down at Toni, while at the same grinning like a Chester cat. "No more false faces." He announced, loudly. "You said you wanted the Mandarin, you're looking at him! It was always me, Toni, right from the start. I am the Mandarin!" With his chest showing—puffed out like an idiot-, he proudly walked to her.

Toni could feel her muscles contract as if to jump into action at any second. Even though her muscles felt like they were on fire, her body started to move on its own, knowing he would kill her if he got the chance. He wanted to kill her—she knew that for sure. She could feel it. She wanted to say it was because she left him on that roof and treated him like crap (that he was), but it felt like something else. But whatever it was, he shouldn't take it personally, as she treated everyone like crap—even when she didn't mean to. He wasn't special. "Yea, I don't buy it," she uttered, as she glanced around for Steve. They had gotten separated as she went from suit to suit.

Killian didn't respond right away as he brought his hand forward, aiming like a gun gun. "It doesn't matter if you do," he replied as he fired his arm… yes, his arm.

Having faced countless life and death events, her life no longer flashed before her eyes. And all honesty, she was sick of her life flashing before her eyes, especially when she regretted most of the shit that flashed before her. She regretted a lot of her choices. She could throw a rod into the pond of her life and hook guilt. Her life was filled with guilt, and she didn't need flashbacks to remind her of that, so yes, she was glad that her life didn't flash before her anymore. Plus, her life was highly overrated. Just a millionaire with money to burn. She couldn't let Barton hear that or else he would mock her endlessly. She was not in the mood for his endless jokes.

So now, she just closed her eyes waiting for death as there were no dodging fireballs—not in her state. She waited for the hit, the burning of flash, but it never came. She expected pain, but she just was met with a gentle -ashy though- breeze. Even with the cinders, it was still a blessing against her sweating face. She could sit there for a second and just feel the coolness against her face. It felt heavenly, but now was not the time.

Forcing her eyes open, Toni was met with a surprise, not that she should have been. She knew she shouldn't have any doubt in Steve, even if there were parts of her who only saw doubts, as nothing could keep that man away, well if she didn't count herself. She was an ass. However, Steve would always be there for her, no matter what, and she needed to get used to it and stop testing him. "Cap," she uttered as Steve stood between, acting like a shield. He was being the person he was always meant to be. He was being a hero, a Savior.

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

No, she did not blow up all her suits, and she would like to slap Barton every time he said it. Clearly, he failed kindergarten and couldn't count, because she kept three. Yes, three of those bad boys. The rest—which were all damage anyhow—were fireworks, expensive fireworks. Though money was never her thing or something that she thought/worried about, she couldn't help but wonder how much money she just blew up. Would Pepper's head explode if she saw the dollar amount? She knew Clint's head would explode. Probably go on and on about how what he could buy with that money. He would probably go on about an Island.

"Are you okay?" Steve hadn't left her side since they had taken down Killian. Barton, on the hand, was commanding the SHIELD agents that were on arriving on scene—well, between the banter and the insults.

"Yea," she uttered, as she sat on the cold ground trying to ignore her freezing ass- not that her exhaustion allowed her to think of such things. As if her suits were still exploding, she mindlessly stared up at the sky. "And it's about time SHIELD showed up. Lazy. Those assholes waited until after we have taken care of the issue."

"Toni," he replied, a soft warning tone in his voice.

She knew he had a point, but she didn't care. She couldn't make herself care—not that she tried hard. She was too tired and grump to try, and to make matter worse, she was still feeling pukey—if that was a word. Her stomach was half way out her mouth currently. Sure, she kicked ass and jumped suit to suit like a bad ass, but she wanted nothing more than to lay down and sleep. She felt like crap. Like death, really. Maybe, the flu? But damn, Toni Stark didn't get sick. She couldn't afford to be sick. "What?" she asked, putting on an innocent smile.

Steve stared down at her, eyeing her for a second before turning back to the SHIELD personal. "They have this handle," he replied as he noticed Natasha and Fury getting out of an unmarked car. There was an angry look on his face. "Let's go home."

Toni's mind froze on the word 'home' as images of home falling apart flashed her before he eyes. Did she have a home? Yes, she had the tower, but this was her everything. It was the beginning of new life, where Iron Man was created—not counting the cave. It was where she was reborn and became Iron Man, and now, this magically place was gone. It was where she was going to have…It was then that she remembered the large fat Christmas tree that Steve had dragged in the day before. She could still smell the pine needles that littered the ground. "The tree…"

The look on Steve's face fell slightly as he got down on his knees and settled next to her. "There's a bigger tree at the tower," he said with a smile as large as his face. He paused for a second, allowing the smile to reach his eyes. "And there is snow in New York. A few feet I hear. Enough to jump in. Want to make snow angels?"

Stuck by his innocence, she stared at Steve as a strange warmth grew inside of her, forcing back her panic. Steve, himself, was a shield for her, as he knew the right words to say and when to say them. He knew when to push and when not to. He knew when to change the subject. He knew. That was why he was perfect. "Yea, I'll watch from the tower with some hot coco. You have fun with that."

"Oh, just think of all the fun!" he replied, a goofy smile on his face.

Toni let him have his fun, as she caught a few pointed looks. She was so not in the mood for teasing. Even if she was feeling ill, she was ready to beat someone's face in.

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

It was coming to an end for the Asset, who was finally captured just mere feet from Toni. Mere seconds from grabbing the woman and disappearing—somewhere no one would find them. He was mere seconds from happiness…well what he thought was happiness. Having not experiencing it before, he had no idea if this warmth in his chest was happiness, but he knew he wanted to experience it over and over again. He wanted to bury himself in this warmness, as they disappear from the history books.

However, he was unable to do that. Just as the Beefy Blonde came down to block the fireball from hitting her (an action that he would kill everyone for), his handlers came up behind him, hidden by his distraction. With mere strength, they couldn't take him down, not even with his mind in a fog, but they didn't come only with their fists. They came at him with everything, which included a range of drugs and shock weapons, and the Asset could do nothing but submit. He was powerless to do anything as they attacked him.

He went down faster than he cared to admit, not that he had must time to think. With his mind so focused on the brunette, he had been distracted and unfocused, allowing someone to come up behind him. Unforgivable in his eyes. For that he was angry with himself. How could he allow himself to be weak over a woman?! Over anything. He was a weapon with a weakness, and a weapon with a weakness was worthless. He was worthless. How could he be worth anything if he couldn't produce? He was useless. No wonder his handlers were angry.

He refused to be useless. Warmness be dead.

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

Toni had to keep telling herself that everything was okay, because she was under the belief that if you said it enough, it was true. It became true, and she needed that to be true, though she wasn't sure why she was feeling like this. Feeling like something was going to happen. Happy was going to be fine. The President was going to be fine. Rhodey was safe. Steve was by her side; she should be on cloud nine, but something was off. She was feeling odd, feeling like a stranger. No, she wasn't feeling like a victim, not saying she didn't still feel Aldrich Killian's disgusting hands. No, it just that she felt like she was in auto pilot mood, like someone else was driving.

She was in haze, barely paying attention to the world: however, there wasn't much going on. She was just guided into a quinjet and back to Stark Tower with any fight. She didn't say anything as she forced onto a sofa and a heavy blanket was thrown on her, almost covering her whole. She knew Steve and Bruce—when did Bruce get here?- were saying something to her, but all she saw were their mouth moving. Were they speaking another language? She could even hear JARVIS in the background. It was mumbled, and it took everything she had to pay attention to the AI. After a few long minutes of staining, she could hear JARVIS ask if she needed something—not that she could answer.

She wanted to sleep, but not want to dream. Not that they would be dreams. Nightmares, really. She knew that for sure, but how did you sleep without dreaming? She had long run out of her sleeping pills, and knowing how everyone liked to hover, she wouldn't be able to get more—not that she had anything to hide. Sleeping pills were normal, granted she knew how everyone else would see it. They would want to talk and try to explain that she didn't need them, but she did. Even while fighting Aldrich Killian and his idiots, she still saw Bucky. Still saw him look at her. Saw his face as he fell.

Once more, she could hear Steve call her name as he took a seat next to him. She heard him whisper something in her ear as he pulled her closer to him, surrounding her with his arms. She knew what he was doing, trying to calm her. Trying to comfort her, but that wasn't possible, not when she overthought everything. Not when she was running on no sleep. Though she was used to little sleep, she had a hard time function like this. It was like the whole world was flying pass her and she couldn't keep up. Again, it was like she was on auto pilot.

Bruce must've said something as Steve pulled her into his arms and stood. Like he wasn't even holding her—held down by her weight-, he got to his feet in mere seconds and grace. Keeping her warm, he held her close as Bruce laid the blanket over her. Just before she passed out, she could feel someone squeeze her shoulder, and she couldn't stop the warm flooding though her body.

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

"Just admit it, you like dressing me," Toni uttered as she stared into Steve's warm blue eyes. "Because if this becomes habit, there're a few things I got to tell you. A few do and don'ts of dressing me."

Steve rolled his eyes as he pulled her flat against to him. "For that, I'm going to find something from the 40s. Be like old times." He placed a kiss to her forehead as he held her close, not giving her an inch.

Listening to his heartbeat, she knew he wanted to talk without him having to say it. She could hear the hesitation in his chest. However, she didn't know if it was something that she could talk about. One, she didn't know what was wrong with her, even though she knew that there was definitely something wrong. Two, she didn't know how to talk about it—whatever it was. She may be a genius, but she didn't know how to say it. How to form the word. Three, emotions were the enemies, and admitting them made you weak. Toni knew this belief was foolish and she shouldn't feel this way, but it was in grain in her.

However, this exhaustion wasn't doing her any good, any justice. Images kept flashing in her head, and in her tired state, she was unable to keep them back. Plus, she couldn't sort what was real or fake. Did she really see what she thought she saw? A dead guy? She knew the answer had to be no, because this was not the 'Walking Dead' or any other Zombie show, and the dead didn't come back to life…However, she shouldn't say _never_. After meeting beings of fire with regenerating limbs and aliens, zombies may be possible. And man, wasn't that a scary thought? Knowing their luck, they could run into Zombies.

But she was Toni Fucking Stark, and there was no doubt that she could survive an apocalypse. She could just hover above them in her Iron Man Suit and killing them all from a safe distance. Besides, they couldn't get through her suit, even if they did get to her. And if by some change that they got into the tower—not possible in any reality-, JARVIS would cook their asses. No, really cook them. Granted, that wasn't a cookout that Toni wanted to be invited to, let alone smell.

Now, the rest of the avengers were fucked. Well besides Bruce and Steve. She would make sure her science buddy and heater were safe, killing anything that came close. Now, the rest of them be damned. Okay, Barton may last for a while. Men with arrows seemed to last long in a Zombie apocalypse, while Romanoff might not be as lucky. No, it wasn't because the Black Widow couldn't fight like the bad ass that she was, but she was a close combat kick ass spy, and that meant she would probably be bitten as she fought them off. Now, Steve was close range fighter as well, but he was-

"So, where are you now?" Steve asked, noticing the gears spinning in her head.

Toni's eyes widened as she turned to him, forcing her mind to snap back to the present. "You'll probably be okay in a Zombie apocalypse. There's a chance that super soldiers are immune to zombies."

"What?" he uttered, giving her a weird look.

"The big green guy will probably be safe as well." She mumbled on. "Not that I think they can piece that skin."

Steve let out a chuckle as he just let her ramble on for a few long minutes. Zombies was never his favorite fiction, always preferring the novel with a hero. A story with a strong hero saving the world from certain death. A race again time story; however, he enjoyed listening to her funny rants as her face was lit like a Christmas tree. Her smile almost took up her face as she went off on the Zombie apocalypse. She was certain she would survive, and she was probably right. The smugness on her face was cute and he could just stare at her all day, but that would not solve anything.

He placed a heavy kiss on her lips, stopping her in her rant. Without hesitation, Toni kissed him back, holding onto him like flames on fire. It didn't take long before it morphed into something more and dirty. They both knew that they needed to talk, and the sex was just a distraction, but after everything that had happen, they just needed each other. Sometimes, it wasn't what you said, but rather, it was just that you were there.

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

"You know we'll have to talk," Steve said, as he held the naked Toni.

Toni stared down at Steve's hand as his ruff fingers danced along her forearm. He was warm to the touch, hot almost, but he still sent chills down her spine. No matter how long it has been, it happened every time, taking her breath away. Stole more like it. How could he do this every time? Touch her like it was the first time? "Well, you know how much I love talking."

Steve snorted as a huge, Chester cat smile appeared on his face. "Trust me I know," he replied.

The genius went silent as she didn't know what to say. She didn't want to answer, but she didn't want to _not_ to answer. She wanted to be open with him, but she didn't want to open herself up at the same time, considering it would end up in pain. She knew she sounded like an idiot, not knowing what she wanted or what she didn't want. However, she knew she had to or else she would go crazy. "Are you ticklish?"

The Super Soldier gave the genius a look before tightening his hold on her. "I'm a super Soldier. Why would I be ticklish? That seems like something stupid. A flaw, ready. Imagine being tickled in a battle."

"I can always try?"

"We can talk about what happened with Killian," he countered, he glanced down at her.

Toni held back her groan, which was a harder than it should have. "Can we please not talk about this?" she asked, as she tried to hide her face in Steve's smooth chest. There were a hundred things that she would rather talk about instead. She would rather talk about Clint's dirty underwear. She would rather talk about how Natasha could kick her ass with both hands behind her back. She would rather talk about her childhood and her father's parenting. She would rather talk about her mother's death. She would rather do anything besides talking about _it._

No, it wasn't as much as what Killian did or didn't do. He just brought out emotions, emotions that she didn't want to think about. She didn't want to talk about her 'weakness,' her guilt…or the fact that she kept seeing Bucky. Yes, she had told Steve this prior, but he didn't know how bad it was. Sure, everyone saw ghosts, saw someone who wasn't there. Right now, she could see him, but this was nothing. It was just a memory, but there were times she could really see him. It was like he didn't die over 70 years ago, and if she didn't keep telling himself that he was dead, she would think he was there.

And, that was the scary part, not knowing if something was real. She couldn't trust herself, and she _knew_ that wasn't good. She knew it was a bad sign. No, she didn't have one of those fancy degrees—A fancy degree for the head. She did have a few other fancy degrees, though none for the head. She had nothing for the head, not that she believed in that crap. Maybe, that was the real reason why she was struggling with this, though she did know she felt extremely guilty over Barnes' death. At times, it was overwhelming, and it stopped her in her tracks.

"Toni," Steve called out softly, as he laid a kiss to the top of her head.

"Can we get through Christmas first?" she asked. "Or rather, our makeup Christmas? You know. Not really Christmas, but we missed it fighting evil! The Forces of Evil!"

Steve softly and slowly traced Toni's forearm. "Yes," he said, gently, as Toni closed her eyes again.

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

"Let's get this under way!" Clint's yelled as he jumped over the back of one of the large sofas in the lunge. He landed heavily on the overstuff pillows. "I have places to be. People to see."

Toni raised an eye brow as she looked at him. "Lies! Who would want or need a Hawkeye?" she teased, not knowing if he was telling the truth. Did he have anyone? She really didn't know if the man had a family…granted, if she thought about it, what did she know? The same could be said of the red head assassin, but her being a Russian Assassin told the genius everything that she needed to know.

"Hey!" Clint said, pretending to be hurt. "I'm good with the ladies."

"Blow up ones don't count, Birdbrains."

"Hey!" he replied again. His voice echoed across the lounge. "I have more game than you."

Romanoff snorted at that one, but she didn't say anything. The same couldn't be said of Toni, not that she had ever shut her mouth. "I could get more ladies than you any day, Barton," she replied, giving him the biggest grin that she could muster.

"Yea, right," Barton waved off, as he picked up a present with his name on it.

"Oh, you want to bet?" she asked. "I b-" The genius didn't get to finish her sense as Steve grabbed her by her waist, picking her up and place his lips against hers. They didn't break apart until he heard the room groan.

"Ew. Get a room!" Clint cried as he hid his eyes with the present. "Far from here, please." Natasha, on the other hand, picked up a pillow and threw it at them, aiming for their faces.

With some kind of mad ninja skill, Steve blocked the pillow without moving, though Clint was not so lucky. However, as the weapon was just a pillow, it just felt like a light slapped to the face. On the other hand, that pillow did nothing to stop the kissing couple, which Clint couldn't stop whining about.

Bruce could only smile as he watched the two. "I think you're going to kill Clint."

With a smile on her face, Toni pulled away from Steve, though not letting him go. "Oh, a plus if there was ever one." She replied, as she rested her head against Steve's chest. It was picture perfect…well if she wasn't so sleepy. She could sleep right here, right in Roger's warm chest.

"Why don't we open these things before Clint goes crazy," Natasha said before anyone could say anything. There was a judging look in her eyes, but she didn't say anything else.

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

A lot of things could be said about the Avengers, but neat? Nope. Yes, Toni had a messy lab—though in her defense, she knew where everything was-, but the lounge was a mess. Toni didn't have a monster- no, a child, she reminded herself, but she assumed this was what it was like to have a m-child, or the mess that come with one. Right now, it looked like an avenger's battlefield, well without the blood… okay, there was some blood. Damn Papercuts! She got them opening presents. She blamed these cuts on Clint who was smirking at her with that stupid look of his. He did it. She knew it.

"I think we can lose someone in the amount of wrapping paper in here," Barton teased as he looked around the room. It was everywhere, including in the large Christmas tree. It was sticking out the branches in every direction and at every height as if someone was lauching it at the tree. There was even a pile of paper to the left of them.

There was a smile on Bruce's face as he nibbled on a candy cane. "Steve is almost lost in it."

Toni let out a sigh as she turned to her boyfriend, who was neck dip into the wrapping paper. At first, it was cute/ adorable to watch Steve try to save it for next year, but now, it was annoying. Yes, Steve had come a long way from the 1940's man frozen in time, who had habits that should've died in the snow; however, somethings died hard, and this was one of them. "Steve," she called out, staring at him as he attempted to fold the wrapping paper. "What are you doing?"

Steve looked up and glanced around the room. His face heated up, turning red with each eye on him. "Nothing," he said, fighting back the redness in his face. There was a bit of hesitation in his step before he crossed (running almost) to Toni. His pink face disappeared as a smile emerged on his face. It was probably one of the biggest smile that Toni had ever seen, but she didn't get a good look at it as he dumped an arm full of torn paper on her head. Big pieces. Little Pieces. It didn't matter. She was covered in it.

The room broke out in laugher as the tissue and wrapping paper went everywhere—not that it wasn't everywhere already. However, it was now down her shirt, in her hair and in her mouth. IT WAS IN HER bra. She was pretty sure it was in her pants. Yes, her pants, but no one was looking own there. For a few long seconds, she just blinked as she didn't believe what had just happened, even as if itching.

"Paper Fight!" Clint's laugher echoed across the room, breaking through Toni's brain freeze like a knife. "I can't believe he just did that," he chuckled as he was on the ground laughing. He was reaching for paper to ball up and throw.

"Rogers!" Toni said as she got to her feet. Being a solder soldier, Steve was already at the door before she could get off the ground. She knew there was no way to catch him—unless she got her suit, but she wasn't going to let that stop her. She didn't care that the rest of the room was laughing at her (and that Clint was starting a wrapping paper fight as she got out the door). She didn't care that her legs were screaming at her. She was going to get this man.

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

When she caught up to the super soldier, he was at a long window, which overlooked the city, in her bedroom. The room itself was dark with the light of moon (and city lights) providing the only light. Barely able to make him out in the darkness, she stared at the back of him for a second before she crossed to him. There was a glare- a playful glare- in her eyes as she stomped to him. "You!" She yelled; however, it died in her throat. When she got to him, she noticed he had rotated and was on his knee…on one knee. Her playful anger froze as she looked at him. Shock took over.

In his hand was a little black box, and he was holding it out to her. His hand was shaking a bit- something that she never thought she would ever see. "I just wanted to get you alone." He paused for a second. "Well… At first, I didn't know if I should do this, but…"

Toni's heart was beating in her chest, threatening to pop out, as her breath became labored. "What?"

"…I didn't want to do this in front of them," he said, with a large smile. "I wanted this to be just for us."

"Toni, you aren't sleeping. Not dreaming," she muttered to herself, trying to make sure this wasn't a dream. "Yup, there's a ring in that box." She slapped her cheeks a few times.

Steve's smile didn't falter as Toni froze in front of him, a shaky stop. "I don't know if this isn't too soon. Okay, maybe too soon, but it feels right," he started. "I don't really know what I'm doing. I really don't. If you think about it, you're the only girl I ever really dated. The only dame I ever had sex with, so…" He drifted off, red in his face. He shook his head slightly as if to push away from that topic. "But I know all is that I want you. I just want to be with you." He paused for a second. "Doesn't matter where. Doesn't matter when, I just want you. Your very smile-"

Not willing to listen to Steve ramble on anymore, she launched herself at him and placed her lips against his. She didn't know what exactly was going through her brain- not that she would know what to say, but she kissed him with everything that she had. Maybe, that was an answer? After a few long minutes, she pulled away. "You talk too much."

"Me? I talk to much?! I think you're confusing me with you."

Toni gave him a look. "Don't me make me hurt you."

Steve didn't respond as he pushed back her loose hair with his free hand. With a hand on her cheek, he studied her face in silence for a good few seconds before asking, "Will you marry me?"

She knew it was coming, but it still hit her like a ton of bricks, or in reality, like a bus. It hit her like a six-ton bus. And for a few long seconds or what seemed like hours, time freeze as her brain couldn't process what he just said. She knew it was coming, but that did not prepare her.

* * *

 **Author Note:**

Again, let me know what you think.

I think the issue here is that I wanted out of Iron Man 3- I didn't want to do Iron Man 3 (This movie annoyed me and it wasn't due to villain but rather Pepper. Can't stand that character or rather what they did with her) but i didn't think that I could skip it and to go Winter Soldier (which PS is my favorite Marvel Movie). And then I ran into the problem that I didn't know how to get out of Iron Man 3. It was like I ran into a brick wall as nothing was coming to me, which just pinned me in this chapter for weeks- months. I was at an still stand. I didn't want to change much as I didn't want to spend chapters in a movie that I did not want to do (which I did anyways.) However, I struggled following the movies. Then I was forcing myself at points which made my work suffer.

That was my problem, and for that I am sorry. But at least, I am done with that movie.

Until that time.


	12. Home

Before you all stoned me, I would like to say it took me longer to proof this bitch than to write it. Granted, it started at 6,000 words, and when i proved it, it jumped to 9,000 words.

So that would be why it took me so long.

Anyhow, here you go!

Let me know what you think.

* * *

 _ **Chapter 12:**_

 _ **Home**_

* * *

With a deep sigh, Toni sat on the roof of Avengers' tower, and all she could do was stare out at the city that never slept. Though there were some people who didn't care for this city, the genius loved it, loved that there was always something to do. She loved that she could get pizza at any time. Loved that when she couldn't sleep that she could walk out at 3am and talk to someone. The sounds and lights of the city put her to peace like nothing else. To her, it was art, something that she could look at endlessly. It gave herself to focus on, well most of the time. Sometimes, it felt like a curse.

At the moment, she needed something, as she was the only Avenger in the tower, each going off to do their own thing. Bruce was again, trying to build up the courage to speak to Betty. Toni offered to go with him, playing the loyal wing man, but Bruce gave her a 'don't you dare' look whenever she teased him about it. She did feel bad for the man, but she didn't know what to do, especially when she knew she couldn't shut up. Thor was off planet, doing whatever Thor did. Seriously, what did that man do when he wasn't on Earth? She knew he was a prince, but what did that mean? In her head, she saw him in a pile—yes, a pile—of women feed his grapes and they all were naked, but she forced that image out of her head. But it could be—nope, she wasn't going to finish that thought. She did not want to think about _it._

Steve and the Wonder Twins (a nickname that they hated) were in DC doing Shield things that they wouldn't tell her about, which annoyed the hell out of her. One, she hated to be out of the loop. Maybe, she could hack her way into Shield? Two, it felt like Fury was trying to steal her boyfriend and keep him away from her, like he was jealous or something. Like really! He called at all hours of the night, expecting him to jump without question and never allowing him to rest. Each time, Toni had to hold her tongue, which was battle, in order not to the say the first thing that popped in her head. Being rather nasty, she chained it back, trapping it in her throat, and in doing so, she held back what she was feeling. Feeling left in the cold. She refused to let anyone would know this.

 _'You bitch, you let me die.'_

Toni brought her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them tightly. It put a hard pressure against her chest, making it semi awkward to breathe, but she was comforted by this feeling. It made the world feel a little bit smaller, even though she could still feel the vastness of space around her and the endless possibilities in it. She tried to force back the day mares, that plagued her mind; however, they were unkillable. Trying to force back the tears, she tried to calm herself with a few deep breaths, though failing.

 _'Why didn't you tell me? Did you not care?'_

The exhausted genius didn't know when she started to hear these voices—No, not voices—just one. She was only hearing the _one_ voice, only the one rugged voice. She didn't know when she started to hear Barnes' voice, but she heard it daily. She heard it in the shower. She heard it in her lab. She heard it in her sleep. And at times, she saw the man from the corner of her eyes, almost like he had came for a visit. Or how she saw it, she was being haunted by his soul, cursing her for allowing him to die. Feeling ashamed and crazy, she kept it to herself. Who saw dead people?

Seeing things was not a good sign at _any_ time or degree, and it usually pointed toward something wrong. Something deadly, and she was scared of what it meant, because it had to mean something. She was scared of what it said about her. It frightened her, making her heart race as her brain started to rapid fire, shooting out questions. Was she sick? Was she defected? Broken? Was she losing her mind? Could she not be Iron Man anymore? Could she not be a hero anymore? Was she useless? Was she a burden? So, with all her doubts, she kept it to her.

 _'You make me sick.'_

However, her silence didn't help, and in the end, she ended up alone in the tower—well, not completely. There were people in the lower levels, but they were nonexistence to her. They were just people in the distance, like the people on the streets. They were shadows as her mind got the better of her. Normally when she was like this, she went to her lab, but right now, she just needed to get away from it. She had been in her lab so often that things started to blend together, making feel worst. With so many suits, she couldn't make heads or tails of anything anymore, making countless mistakes.

So instead, she was on the top of the tower with a blanket around her, staring at the lit dark sky, as she counted the stars she could not see. One of the downsides of living in the city, you can't see stars, due it being too bright. She could compare it to a Christmas tree, as everywhere you look, something was lit. This was a one of a kind view that she couldn't get anywhere else. At her former beach house, she would sit on her porch over the ocean and stare at the blacken sky, as the cool breeze hit her. Wrapped in a light blanket, she could just stare out at the murky sky, listening to the waves as they hit the cliff. She couldn't do that now. Though she loved the city, it wasn't what she needed now.

Right now, she was stuck listening to the sounds or rather the screams of the city. Though she was high up in the sky, she could still hear the city below. She could hear the taxi cabs sing to each other, as crowd was chirping away at their phones. Together, they formed a loud roaring echo that reached every part of the city—including the sky, and it was a roar that never ended. It was no lie that 'New York was a city that never slept,' and the scene before her was proof to that. It was 3 o'clock in the morning, and Toni could corroborate that. Even from her spot high, she could hear the city sing. She could see the cars as they drove past, blending together into light. For someone who wanted the beach, the city was overwhelming.

 _'Why do you get to live while I fell to my death?'_

With a deep sob, she pulled blanket tighter around her, as she forced herself to take a deep breath. Around her neck on the chain with the dog tags, her would be engagement ring hanged, warm against his chest. It was a modest ring, the likes that the Famous Toni Stark would never wear. Too simple for her life style. With a red face, Steve had explained that he had picked it as it reminded him of his mother's ring, a ring that he lost when he went under. He rambled on as he realized it might not her style. He looked crushed as he thought that she might not like it. With a kiss, she had shut him up, and she kissed him again every time he opened his mouth.

No, the ring wasn't 'Toni Stark' style, if there was one. She would first need to see herself getting married, which she never did. It had never crossed her mind as a possibility. To her, it was a fairy tale, or in some cases, a nightmare, nothing more. Therefore, she had never thought of a ring or what she would like her ring to look like. However, she doubted she would've ever picked a fancy ring like all the Billionaires did. To her, they would just get in the way, especially if she was hand deep in something—which she always was. She was Toni Stark and all.

The Ring from Steve was simple with a single diamond in a traditional setting; however, it was a show stopper in her opinion. It was simple and classic—not like her, but sometimes, it was the simple stuff that caught your eye. So even if Toni never thought about a ring for herself, she supposed she would've picked something like this…No, she wouldn't have. She probably would have picked a rubber band. Granted, she would have probably been okay with a band of something kind. Toni wasn't picky, especially over a ring.

 _'Does Steve know the kind of person you are?'_

However, the ring choice wasn't what kept in her here, trapped in her head. Sure, it was part of the reason, causing her to overthink. He had asked her to _marry_ him. No, it wasn't the first time she had heard those words, but those proposals weren't real. Maybe, they were in some sense, but they were just jokes—sex crave proposals clouded by hormones. They were nothing, and Toni could laugh it off while leaving the man in the dust without any regrets. Those guys (and the random girl) were nothing. Steve was _someone_.

He was someone that Toni had no interest of leaving in the dust. The very idea hurt; it felt like a knife to the gut. Regardless, she doesn't know what to tell him. Yes? No? Hell yes? Keep dreaming buddy? She wasn't sure. She didn't even know what she wanted. Again, marriage was something that she ever dreamed about, especially after seeing how broken her father was after her mother's death. To her, marriage was a painful thing that she avoided at all cost. She saw nothing good coming from it.

With Steve's proposal in her head, she wasn't sure if that was true anymore. No, she knew that she didn't feel the same about marriage, but that didn't mean she knew how to answer him, or what she wanted. And, she hated that. She hated that she felt like a Lifetime movie. Hated the look on his face when he realized she wasn't going to say yes. She had never wanted to pouch herself more in her life than right there. She wanted to say yes just to get _that_ look off his face, but the words wouldn't come out. They were glued in her throat, unable to break free. At the same time, she refused to say no. The notion made her face sick, so she was stuck without an answer for him. And every second without one, Steve's face fell. It looked like someone had ripped out his heart and stepped on it.

 _'Does he know that you will only drag him down?_ '

Seeing Steve pull back the little black box, something inside of Toni broke, and she snatched it, holding it against her chest before he (or even, she) knew what happen. She held it tightly, refusing to let him take it back. His expression turned to confusion, as neither one of them knew what she was doing. She had paused for a moment as she reached up to take off the necklace. She had fumbled with it a bit, taking a few long seconds to unclasp it with one hand. Once she had the long chain off, she took the ring out of the box and slipped it on the chain all without saying a word. Before Steve could move, she clicked it back on and held it tight, blocking it from view.

After telling him she was keeping the ring, she told him the truth. She told him her inter-struggle. She told him she couldn't say yes, but she refused to say no. She didn't want to say no. Just like that, Steve's look softened and he smiled weakly. Without saying a word, she knew he understood, and Toni hated herself even more. She wanted to give him an answer. She wanted to be the person he deserved.

This was why she on the top tower tonight, staring up at the night sky. With a hand grasping the ring and dog tags, Toni forced herself to take a deep breath, as she tried to compel herself to come up with an answer. She wished she knew what she wanted. She wished she knew what to do. Her mind was a mess, and working on little sleep, she couldn't tell what was up or down anymore. She was at a complete lost.

 _'You are monster.'_

"JARVIS," she called, trying to force everything out of her mind.

"Yes, Miss."

"Ready the suit."

' _You can't escape from yourself."_

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

"So, she said no?"

Steve's eye twitched as his shield slammed back into his hand, after being thrown at a few enemy combatants. "She didn't say no," he replied for the hundredth time, not even sure why he was answering him. He tried to keep his face blank but failing. Ever since Barton learned of the proposal being a spy that he was, he hadn't stopped bugging Steve about it like a child whining about opening gifts, and the Captain was getting annoyed.

"I don't see her wearing the ring." Clint replied, taking aim.

Rogers didn't want to admit how much that hurt. He also didn't want to admit how badly he wanted to see that ring on Toni's finger, but he knew he had to give her time. He just didn't realize how much he wanted it. He understood her fear and why she was hesitating. Knowing her history, he didn't blame her, and he was happy that she was honest with him, completely honest. He did take some joy in the fact that she didn't want to say no. She just couldn't say yes, which couldn't be a good sign, but he tried not to be too worry about it. Seeing his ring around her neck gave him hope, and it had to be a matter of time. He took it as a good sign that she hanged the ring with his and Bucky's dog tags. He knew how much that meant.

"Not now, Clint," Natasha replied as she kicked a man's legs out from underneath him, sending him to the ground hard.

"What? It can't be a good sign that she hasn't given him an answer," Barton replied, fire off another arrow. "I am just trying to be helpful."

"Not the time. Not ever the time." Romanoff commented, giving him a nasty look. She flipped to her feet and turned to her next opponent.

With his annoyance growing, Steve swung his left arm forward, bring his shield down on his foe's chest. It broke his chest like butter, making a sickness sound as he killed him. It was harder than he intended, but his anger drove him forward as he just wanted Barton to shut it. However, you couldn't just tell Clint to shut up, as that would just keep him going, knowing that he had you. "Did you complete the objective?" He asked, pulling back his arm.

Hoping over a few bodies, Clint flipped into air and fired his bow in mid fall. With impressive speed, the arrow hit it target- a large computer across from him before anyone could react. Acting like a virus, the Arrow infected the computer, shutting down and stealing all the files in the matter of seconds. "Yup, Cap. See, we're good. I can talk and work at the same time."

Natasha's eye twitched at it. "I can knock him out for you," she replied, as she twisted her body around a man, taking him to the ground. "You will just have to carry his fat ass back to the jet."

Ramming his shield into someone's chest, Steve shoved his target back several feet, most likely stopping the man's heart from the impact. "I might take you up on that," he replied. He didn't have _any_ interest in talking to Clint about his personal life, not when he didn't know what to think. However, that could be said with anyone in Shield if he thought about it. Yes, Clint and Natasha were his comrades- Avengers, but he wasn't too sure if they were more than, even after the movie nights.

"Hey now, I'm starting to think you don't like me," Barton frowned, playing hurt, as he made his way to the arrow hacking the computer. "Just giving you some advice with Toni. I am so team Iron Cap."

Steve wanted to say, 'there are times,' but Rumlow appeared out of nowhere, bring in Shield agents behind him, and that stopped the Captain in his tracks.

"I would say it's a good sign that Stark wears the ring around her neck," Rumlow replied, not wasting any time to jump into the conversion, while he took out the closest person next to him. Not wasting a second, he turned, heading toward the next adversary.

There were quite a few things that Steve didn't want to talk about with Rumlow, and Toni was one of them. He didn't forget what Toni told him before Christmas. She didn't trust the man, a man that Steve would admit that he knew very little about. Working with him regularly, he had told her he trusted the man, but was it really trust? He wasn't sure, but Rumlow didn't give him any reason not to. But Toni didn't trust him, and he wasn't going to force her. "Did we get it?" Steve asked, annoyed at Rumlow's comment. Couldn't they all take the hint? He just wanted other people to stop talking about her. Couldn't they just focus on the mission?

Being perceptive, Natasha seemed to sense and understand his hesitation/frustration, and she didn't bring up Toni, unless she did something stupid to piss off Fury. "We're good," she said, giving everyone the death look.

Rollins stood behind Rumlow, eyeing the scene. With an intense and blank look, his eyes went to Rogers. "Maybe, she just wants to say no, but doesn't know how to. Saying no to Captain American can't be easy." He said, plainly.

It took everything Steve had to not say anything when it was nonstop. Bucky would've insulted them and pouched them for even thinking like that about Toni. However, Steve, being the peaceful person that he was, didn't say a word. They would have to shut up? He forced himself to take a few deep breaths, focusing on how amazing it felt to have Toni in his arms. He focused how wonderful it felt to be with her and how he wouldn't let her go, even if she didn't want to get married.

"I can imagine that. Just look at those puppy dog eyes of his."

"Which is probably why she stays in New York instead of visiting," Rumlow added, giving Steve a sad look. "That or Rogers is just hard to live with. Are you a neat freak?"

Why did they have to talk about _this_? Why did it matter to them if Toni didn't come to D.C.? He didn't blame her, not when he didn't want to be here. He preferred New York himself. But again, why this was so important? Steve didn't wait for another word before he headed to the closest door. He wanted to get out of here before he said or did something that he would regret. There was an insult on the tip of his tongue that was dying to come out.

He did not miss Natasha glaring at Clint, yelling at him through her yes, as he left the group in his dust. At least, he knew Barton was going to get his ass handed to him as soon as Romanoff had him alone, and that almost made him smile.

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

Toni wasn't sure what she was doing, but she needed to get out of the city and out of the city quickly. She needed to get out into open air, trying to feel free. So, she could breathe. She needed to separate herself from the distractions of the world, to separate herself from the noise of the city that threaten to overwhelm her. With a deep breath, she zoomed out of the city in her Iron Suit, heading toward the open water at top speed. Making past the bay in seconds, she narrowed the distance between her and the water.

Rolling to her side, she extended her arms to 85-degree angle, putting the tips of her metal covered fingers into the water. The water sprayed up like a continuous water gun, which spewed the suit with massive amount of water. It was soaked in the matter of seconds, almost like she did a cannon ball in the water. The suit was almost hidden behind the man-made waves leaving only the path in front of her free. This just drove her forward into the open water.

With the city disappearing behind her, Toni's speed picked up, and once she reached the speed she wanted, she spun—rotated continuously, creating a vortex of water around her. With the water surrounding her, she closed her eyes, listening to the water moving. It sounded like she was flying through a waterfall, as the water pinged against her suit. It was like a song playing, and she wanted to fall asleep to it. She wanted to dream to it as the world around her appeared and she finally found some peace. Flying in her suits could always bring her tranquility as she was safe, but this was something else. It was freeing to be the only one around and to be in complete control.

"Miss."

Picking up speed, Toni turned on a dime, trying force the water into a high wave. Failing to do so, she turned on the suddenly again, heading east. She kept up theses turns, trying to move the water.

"Miss."

Not caring about the stress on her body, she sharply turned up, reaching into the sky. The water fell from her suit, dripping like rain, as she reached into the setting sky. With the darkening rainbow sky, it looked picture perfected.

"Miss."

"What?!" She yelled as her eyes snapped open, realizing her peace could not last. If she could glare at JARVIS, she would, as he had stepped on her peace.

"You are about to cross into international water, and I am picking up both coast guard and foreign ships nearby. I advise turning back to avoid an incident," her AI replied.

"What? You don't think I can behave? Nope, never mind. Don't answer that." She replied, placing more distance between her and the ocean. The suit was still dripping wet, and it glimmered under the growing moonlight.

The AI didn't answer right away; it was like JARVIS was pausing for affect. "If I may, Miss, you are Toni Stark. You do not do subtle."

There was no denying that, and this was why she needed this AI, who had become a part of her. He was her conscience, allowing her talk through her issues. He was her sounding board, and when she needed the AI, he was her chain to reality. "Fine, take me home." Only one thing came to mind: _Steve._ All she could think about was Steve.

"I will plot your course back to the Tower."

The word 'Tower' echoed in her head, and there was no denying how _wrong_ that felt. Struggling to take a deep breath, she rejected the idea of the Tower as home. The Tower was where she lived, but when she thought of home, the tower wasn't it. The Tower felt empty. When JARVIS said the Tower, it felt like she was punched in the stomach, letting the air out of her. Surprising even her, she wanted to go nowhere else. "Take me to Steve, take me home."

"As you wish."

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

"Clint is an idiot. I will deal with him. And don't listen to Rumlow or Rollins." As soon as Natasha could get Steve alone, she pulled him side and refused to let him go, trapping him in a corner. She was determined to talk.

Steve gave her an exhausted look, hoping she would let this go, as he didn't want to talk about this with her. He didn't want to talk about this with anyone. With Fury running him all over the world on nonstop missions, he wanted was to sleep, granted that was harder to do nowadays. If he could sleep, he wouldn't be running at 4 in the morning, but that didn't mean that he didn't try to sleep. He did. "I don't much attention to their shit." He said, wishing he could just cuddle up with Toni. There was no denying that he slept better with her. Would anyone notice him disappearing?

Natasha gave him a calculating look before eyeing Rumlow, Rollins, and Barton. "Steve."

He could do it, pretty easily. These walls were small enough for him to jump, while challenging for others, and he could disappear before anyone could notice and stop him. And if anyone came close, he would stare at them with this Captain stare and make them stand down. Though he would deny it to Toni, no one would tell him no when looking into his Captain stare and he knew it. "I'm not in the mood for this conversion," he replied, irritated.

Romanoff followed his stare and stepped in front of it when she noticed where he was looking. "Don't overthink this. Stark is doing the right thing, by taking her time. Even if she doesn't completely understand it, she loves you."

Again, why couldn't people just drop this? Besides, he wasn't upset about Toni taking her time…well, not really…Not a lot. He would be lying if he said it didn't hurt. It did but he understood, or he tried to. He just didn't like everyone poking fun at it. He didn't like everyone talking about it like it was a joke. It wasn't. "I am not."

"Steve."

He gave her a cold look before turning away, heading toward the quinnjet. "We don't have time for this. Let's just get back to Shield and hand in our report." His escape plan disappeared.

"Rogers."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Maybe, you should call Toni? Hearing her voice might make you feel better? She's an ass, a loveable ass, but she does care about you a lot." There was a softness in her voice as she spoke. It was almost like she was jealous, wishing that she had it. "No need to allow them to under your skin."

Steve took a deep breath before stepping away. "I do not wish to talk about this." He snapped. Why did everyone want to talk about his love life? Why did people care? "So, lay off." It looked like there was something else on Romanoff's tongue, but Steve didn't give her the chance to say another damn thing.

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

D.C.

Toni didn't have much to say about D.C. that hadn't already been said: it was a city full of idiots. Granted, that could be said about anything city- idiots were everywhere, but D.C. had a special kind of stupid. However, the main reason why she avoided this city was because she was in denial. Steve _wasn't_ living here, even though he spent most nights here. Granted, she also didn't like that it placed her within spitting distance of Fury. She would rather be in New York, her city, in Stark Tower (Was she paying for it? Yup, then it was Stark Tower no matter what Barton called it) than here right now, but she was finally biting the bullet. Steve was here, and she wanted him, so here she was. Not knowing when it happened, he was _home_ , and she wanted to be home.

That concept was a new thing to her, never experiencing this before with anyone, and it scared her at times—well all the time. How could this have formed so fast and she not know? It grew like a wild vine without her knowing, and it was strong like a steel cable. There was no cutting or fighting it, as it grew like a rose torn. Again, the idea of it 'cutting' it made her ill—more so than she cared to admit, but it still was a shock to her brain to realize how she far she had fallen for the super soldier.

With a deep sigh, she forced herself to the present as the Iron Man touched down on roof of Steve's apartment building. Roof squeaked under the heavy the suit, signaling the age of the building, but this was barely a bump on Toni's mind. With JARVIS in the pilot seat, her mind was everywhere but this old roof in D.C. that the genius had found herself on. The building itself could've been fire and she would not have noticed. _Get a grip,_ she yelled at herself.

Taking a few more deep breaths, Toni attempted again it clear her mind, but all she saw was a nightmare. Because of this, it took her few _long_ minutes to leave the suit, one of the few places that she felt safe. _Stop it._ She needed to get her mind off Barnes- the ever-present nightmare- or she would go crazy...if she wasn't already. She was hearing things, wasn't she? At times, it really did feel like she was crazy even if she denied it with every breath she breathed. She had to be with the amount of times she had seen or heard Barnes. Only insane person would see or hear a dead man.

Shaking her head, she stepped out of her Iron Man suit and onto the roof of Steve's crappy apartment building. Was it fair to call it crappy? Granted, she did think everything that wasn't her tower was crappy, and besides, his apartment _was_ crappy-okay, not completely crappy. Still, it wasn't the four stars of apartments. Though, she had to ask herself if she was being objective. Sure, it wasn't the most expensive, but it was decent, which was what Steve was going for. He was paying for it. Toni had offered to pay for a nicer one, using the excuse that she would visit more, but Steve flat out refused. Being the man that he was, he wanted to pay for everything himself, which was one thing Toni loved about him. Though, even if he did have a better apartment, it was _highly_ unlikely that Toni would have visited more.

For a few stupid reasons, she only visited Steve once since he 'moved'—still in denial- to DC (making him come to her), and she was a bit foggy to what his apartment looked like, not that it mattered. She disliked it anyhow. With a deep sigh, she headed toward the roof's entrance leaving her Iron Man Suit behind her as she headed inside. The heavy metal door slammed behind her, essentially locking her in unless she wanted to throw her shoulder at it, and forced her into the building. Echoing loudly with each step, she made her way down the metal stairs, toward Steve's floor. With JARVIS guiding her, she found his apartment on the end of a long narrow highway, passing a few neighbors along the way.

Ignoring the judging looks and whispers, she kept her focus on Steve's door, as she reached into her pocket, pretending to look for a key. Only being at his apartment once, she was ashamed to say she didn't have key to her boyfriend's apartment. What did that say about her? Was she a horrible person? A horrible girlfriend? Was she good enough? Okay, she knew that she wasn't good enough. _Stop!_ She yelled at herself. She was Toni Stark for crying out loud, and she would be damned if she was inferior in anyway. She was awesome, and she refused to be anything less.

 _'You only care about yourself. Just admit it. Just tell Steve the truth.'_

Forcing out the angry voice of Barnes, she shook her head violently, as she harshly kicked Roger's door. Not feeling better, she kicked it again. She thought about knocking on his door, but she doubted that the man would be home, not with his work ethic. People thought she locked herself in her lab too much, working herself into exhaustion, but Steve had her beat… although, he was a super soldier. But that was beside the point. He worked himself harder than she did. This was why he was in the DC all the time, but Toni couldn't be angry at a man who was trying to save the hero, could she? Would that make her a horrible person? Wasn't that why she was mad at Pepper?

* * *

*O*O*

* * *

For working for Shield, Steve wasn't the most security conscience person, trusting society more than he should; Toni couldn't believe how naïve he was. In this case _only_ , it worked out in Toni's favor, though she would talk to him later about it. Hiding a key behind an apartment number wasn't the smartest or wisest thing to do, but she supposed that if someone wanted to break into his apartment they wouldn't need a key. They would either just break down the door or pick the lock. Then again, the ones breaking in with the key weren't the ones he had to worry about. He could handle those idiots. It was the people who didn't need the key that they had to worry about.

Closing the door behind her, Toni stepped into Steve's tiny loft apartment and paused to take a look around, taking everything in. With a deep sigh, she stepped further into his 'home' (if she could call it that), glaring at everything she saw. Not realizing it until now, she _hated_ this place. She hated it more than she thought possible, and she wanted to burn it into the ground. She wanted to light a match and watch it go up in flames. She wouldn't leave the owner penniless, but she would leave this place beyond repair. She would leave it in ashes, forcing Steve to leave. That was how much she hated this place.

"Stop," she yelled herself as she took a step deeper into Steve's apartment. Just how she imagined it, the place was kept simple with only a few personal items. Besides a few pictures of his parents, Bucky, and her, there was no personal items. There was any color in this monotone room, which also gave it no personality. It was like he never moved in, only keeping what he needed to live. Toni could admit it that she enjoyed that fact, because that meant he didn't consider this place his home. This place was not his home.

With a weak smile on her face, she slowly stepped to his bed, and without even touching on it, she knew it was shit. There was no doubt that it was hard as a rock, especially knowing that Steve preferred a stiffer mattress. As she sat on it, her eyes widened in shock as she pondered how Steve slept on this thing. It felt like she was sitting on the ground, on a rock truthfully, as there was no movement to it. "We are so changing this bed, Rogers." she declared, lowing herself on down on it. "Seriously, the first thing." She paused for a second, realizing how quickly she left the tower. "Sure, I don't have anything on me like money, but I'm Toni Stark! My face is the only thing that I need." She wasn't planning in coming to DC, so she only had the clothes on her back.

"Geez, Stark only thinking about yourself."

Having lost count to how many times she had heard his voice, it no longer surprised her. Instead, Toni let out a deep sigh, doing the same thing that she always did when she heard Barnes' voice. She ignored it, because it was one thing to hear voices. It was another thing to talk to them. That was a true sign that she was crazy if she started to have fights with herself- because that was what it really was. Bucky was dead; she was just hearing her own guilty. That was all.

"Does the world know much blood is on your hands? Does Stevie know? Does he?"

However, it was challenging at times, especially when the comments hit below the belt. His opinion of her meant the world to her, even if it was just her mind playing cruel jokes on her.

"Or does he still think you a saint? Poor Stevie in bed with a demon."

Toni squeezed her eyes closed, forcing herself to take few deep breaths, as her heart was off to the races, threating to pop out of her chest. In her head, she yelled at herself that this wasn't real, repeating it every few seconds when he didn't disappear. This wasn't real. Barnes wasn't real. He was dead, and no matter the tech invented, the man wasn't going to come back to life. He was _dead._ With her heart skipping and guilt growing, she was losing the fight. Feeling overwhelmed, her guilt overtook her, forcing her to relive his death.

"Do you even care?! Or do you only care about yourself like a true Stark? Did you laugh when I dead?"

Her heart was beating a million miles per second, almost at heart attack levels, as Barnes' bloody dead flashed in her mind, and all she could see was his broken body. It left her countless questions. Was it painful? Was it a slow death? Did he die bloody? Did he suffer? His death had haunted her for so many numerous nights that she couldn't remember anymore. She hated herself for what happen to hm. She hated herself for what she did to Steve as well, allowing him to lose his best friend. She betrayed him, even if he didn't see like that.

"You're just as bad as Hydra. Stop calling yourself a hero, because you never were one. You're a villain. A killer. A cool blooded executioner. No, you're worse than Hydra. You've spilled more blood than Hydra. You-"

Unable to take it anymore, Toni shot up into a sitting position with tears rolling down her cheek, staining her pale face. Not remembering the last time she slept, she blamed her exhaustion for this, causing her to hear things in her fatigue. Though knowing that this was all in her head, she still couldn't take _these_ words from Barnes. His opinion of her meant everything to her. "Shut up!" She yelled, loudly. "I h-hate myself for what happen to you."

"Oh, please," Barnes snarled, as the shadows in front of her moved.

Toni's eyes widened as James Bucky Barnes stepped out of the shadows and toward her in predatory fashion. There was an angry scowl on his face, and it appeared like he was ready to skin her alive, as he walked toward her in his WW2 uniform. "No," she uttered, her entire body shaking as she looked over the man in front of her. Her mind had to be playing tricks on her. Had to! Because this wasn't possible. But this _thing_ in front of her was Barnes! He didn't look the same, looking like he had just survived a month in the wilds. His uniform was completely worn with holds throughout his jacket, shirt, and pants, revealing his gray skin. His dark hair was longer and ratty, looking like it had been years since it had seen a brush; plus, he was covered in some kind of slug and mud. Nevertheless, it was him. "Y-you're d-dead."

Only one light in the dark apartment was on, casting just enough light to make out Bucky's basic features. Nonetheless, the man looked venomous. "I came back for you." His voice was ice cold.

With the room spinning, it felt like Toni's heart was being cruelly ripped from her chest as she looked upon this man, who couldn't be standing in front of her. This _had_ to be in her head. It just had to be, and if she thought it through, it made sense. You brain couldn't function without sleep, and she hadn't been sleeping. Anyone with half a brain could see that. Barton made comments about her sleeping habits all the time. With her lethargic brain playing tricks on her, there was no doubt that she was seeing things. "No."

"You are-"

"No!" she screamed, as she turned slightly, reaching for the closest thing. Being on the bed, the closest thing was a pillow. Not caring what it was, she hurled it at Bucky as hard as she could. "Get out!" she wailed, screaming at the top of lungs. However, the pillow never hit it marked, drifting left, as it soared through the air, hitting an ugly gray lamp. The lamp went flying on impact, shattering as it hit the floor. It sounded like someone had smashed a window, as broken pieces of ceramic scattered everywhere. However, none of this mattered.

In the time it took for her to turn her back for her 'weapon,' Barnes was gone like he was never there. He vanished into thin air…like a…ghost…Oh, god. She was going crazy. She was completely and totally insane, and that petrified her. Granted, she couldn't really think with her heart beating like a race horse on drugs. With the pounding in her ear, she couldn't make head or tails out of anything. Trying—

The door to the apartment flew open, slamming against the wall. It snapped Toni out of her mind, bringing back to the present, though she was still a fog. Not a second later, a blond woman shot into the room with a gun trained and at the ready. With a purpose, she scanned every inch of room looking for any possible threat, much like you see in a cop show. Seeing no threats, the woman turned and gave Toni a dirty, nasty look. "Are you okay? I heard screaming?"

Toni's eyes widened as she took in the woman in front of her. "Sharon?" she uttered as her heart started to come down, returning to normal levels. "Sharon Carter." With the woman in front of her, Barnes became almost a distance memory. Questions started to form in her head.

"Toni," came Sharon's response.

Having been close with Peggy (close enough to call her Aunt Peg), Toni had met the famous Sharon on more than one occasion. Even when she wasn't there, Peggy could go on and on about her wonderful niece. Whenever Sharon was in town, she would tag along with Peggy, and to Toni's annoyance, this included visits to see Howard and her. Now, Peggy and Howard thought they could force them together, thinking it would be adorable if they were friends. However, they hated each other, seeing the other as a spoil brat who needed a good punch in the face. "What you are going here?"

Sharon lowered her gun, though keeping it at her side. "Again, I heard screaming. I thought a little girl was getting murdered."

This was the normal for them, trying to one up the other—not Sharon could ever beat her. She didn't know what it was, but Sharon brought this rivalry out of her. Maybe, she was just jealous because she wished she had Peggy rather than her father. Peggy was awesome, kicking ass like it was going out of style, while her father was an asshole. A judging asshole that she could never live up to. "So, what is with the Nurse uniform," she replied, getting to her feet.

Sharon glanced own for a second, remembering what she was wearing. "I had a shift." She said, plainly.

Though they weren't close, Toni knew that was a lie. Talked to Peggy on a regular basic (Shit, she loved that woman), she knew Sharon was no fucken Nurse. That woman probably didn't know how to work a needle. She was a spy, a spy working for fucking Fury. A Shield Agent…a Shield Agent that happened to live down the hall from Steve's and who was wearing a Nursing uniform. Why was there a shield Agent living down the hall from Steve, pretending to be a nurse? "So, I take it Steve doesn't know you're spying on him."

Carter's expression changed slightly. "I am not spying on Captain Rogers. I am-"

"The flirty blond woman next door?" Toni interrupted her, giving her the stink eye. Though Sharon was the last person she wanted to see, it did give her something else to focus on rather than Barnes' ghost. Like the fact that Barton always teased her about the flirty Blond who might just steal Steve away. A blond that he surely knew was a fucken Shield agent. She was going to kill him. Kill him slowly with the new arrows that she made him. Then she would break them in his face, mocking him, as she refused to make him any new arrows. The ass could go back to the standard Shield arrows.

"Jealous, Stark?" she asked, smirking.

Toni gave her a look, forcing a smile to her lips. "Of what?" she replied, putting on a happy face. "I'm awesome and I get amazing sex." Her smile only grew. "So why don't you leave before Steve comes back and realizes the the nice nurse is a Shield Agent spying on him. It will do wonders for your relationship or lack thereof." There it was. Toni loved the expression that fell on the Agent's face.

Sharon tucked the gun in her subs and glared at Toni. "Well, it was nice to see again, Stark. Good to know you hadn't change since the last time I saw you. Still only thinking of yourself."

"And I'm sorry that Aunt Peg hadn't rubbed off on you after all of these years. I'm sure she would be happy to learn that you took an assignment, so you can check out Steve's ass. You know Aunt Peg loved Steve. She would love that you're stalking him." There was a huge smile on Toni's face, as Sharon paused at the door. "Have a good day."

Sharon turned back, giving Toni an exhausted look. Letting out a loud sigh, she spoke, "Fury put me here for a reason. To protect Rogers, nothing more. Nothing less. I agreed because of what he means to my Aunt Peggy. You should be grateful or at least understand. Don't add more to this." With that, she left, slamming the door behind her.

With exhaustion running through her body, Toni fell back on the bed with a log thump. There was no doubt that she took it too far, acted like a spoiled child—something that she was not proud of. She may not like Carter, but she didn't deserve a craze Stark going ape shit on her when she was doing her _job_. Before Sharon rushed in, the genius was having a _conversion_ with a dead man. She was mere seconds from losing it and trashing Steve's crappy apartment, trying to get rid of a dead man. Something was definitely wrong with her, and she needed to accept this, or it would get worse. Granted, what was worse than seeing a dead guy?

Feeling like she was hit _and_ ran over by a bus, Toni crawled to the top of the bed. Feeling like she was dragging a dead body behind her, she wriggled under the covers. She wanted nothing more than to hit the 'hay' even if the idea of dreaming was scaring the crap out of her. Why did she leave her sleeping pills at the tower? She wanted to sleep; she really did, but Barnes' chilling expression came rushing back, haunting her. With a deep snivel, she curled under the blanket and pulled it tight about her. She squeezed her eyes shut, hoping to rid herself of Barnes' angry face.

 _"You're the Monster."_

* * *

 _*_ O*O*

* * *

Steve slowly made his way up the stairs of his apartment building with one thought on his mind: sleeping. Due to his last mission, it had been over 48 hours since he slept—something he wouldn't tell Toni, and he just wanted to lay down, even if there was no chance of it with his restless mind. Besides the normal nightmares that he was plagued with, he was still hyped up from the banter from Clint and the others. He knew a round with punching bag would do wonders for him, but he would need at least ten bags if not more due to his sour mood. Plus, he needed a non-shield place (he didn't want to deal with anyone from shield), but right now, he did not have the will to find one, not that it would help if he did. Due to the late hour, it was a ghost city, and most likely, nothing would be open.

His apartment building was no exception. The only one person in the hall besides him was his blond neighbor, Sharon. His blond neighbor that Clint teased him about endlessly as if there was something there. He wasn't sure why Clint kept pushing it, kept bring her up, but it was getting old fast. Granted, he would be feel like this because of the day he had. "Hello," he greeted, as he passed her in the hall, attempting to give her a smile.

Like always, she smiled and greeted him back. "Hello, neighbor."

This was as far as their conversion went, but she seemed friendly enough to have a real conversion with. In another life, he might've flirted back or attempted to. He was a horrible flirt, even after the growth spurt and he just had to smile. He just rambled on, until someone stopped him in his tracks. Toni would just stare at him and let him go, only stopping him when she had a good laugh. She loved it when he rambled. She thought it was cute. "Have a good night," he added.

Sharon beamed. "You too." She didn't wait for another word as she disappeared into her apartment.

Again, she was pretty, but Steve wasn't lying when he stated he hadn't noticed. He only had eyes for one gal and that was Toni Stark, who reminded him of the small man that he used to be—not in a bad way. She made him remember who he was and where he came from, and he loved that. That wasn't to say that they didn't have their moments. No relationship was perfect.

With a deep sigh, he stepped to the door; pausing when he noticed his apartment number. It was still on the door, but it was askew. It may be nothing, but there was no reason for the number to be askew, unless someone was messing with it. Granted, it could have been a kid playing in a hallway, but that was too much of a coincidence. He was Captain America after all. He doubted someone was just messing with his door. With a flick of his finger, he pushed the number aside to see if his spare key was there. Seeing it was gone, he put himself on high alert as he entered his apartment.

Both Natasha and Toni had warned him of fan girls and crazy admirers who would try to show him their 'love,' but he never thought he would have to worry about that, not thinking those people existed. He just gave them both looks, as Toni went off, talking about how she would love to see a fan try to get one over one Steve before she jumped. However, were there really some crazy people like that? Come on. What was wrong with people? With a deep breath, he closed the door behind him and took a few steps in.

With a quick once over, the only thing he spotted was a broken lamp with a pillow next to it. Without taking another step closer, Steve knew the lamp was broken beyond repaired. He crossed to his bed, knowing that the pillow came from there, and he could feel his eye twitch as he noticed a small bump under the covers. _Really?_ With a sigh, he reached for the lump, harshly grabbing the woman's small arm. It was crueler than he intended but the idea of a foreign woman in his bed didn't sit well with him. He didn-

"Steve?" Came the foggy cry. "That's h-hurts. Stop it." Her eyes were still closed as she tried to fight him off.

Like someone had struck him, Steve's hand fell. "Toni," he called out, knowing her voice from anywhere. "You're here? Why are you here? Did Natasha call you?" He tried to ignore the guilt rising up inside of him at the thought of grabbing her too hard. Why was he so careless? "D-did I hurt you?" His eyes dropped to her wrist looking for some kind of mark.

Toni turned over ever so slowly to him, and with a dead and sleepy look her in eyes, she forced them open. There was no doubt that she would remember this conversion in the morning. "I wanted _my_ Captain."

Steve had to admit that Toni was adorable when she was like this. He also didn't mind how clingy she got when she was like this. She was a squid, as she wrapped herself around him, refusing to let go for anything. "Did either Clint or Natasha asked you to?" It wasn't exactly fair to ask her these questions, when she had no filter, but he had to know. He didn't need their pity. He didn't need her pity.

She didn't answer right away, only cuddling closer to Steve if that was possible. Even with his super strength, it was a struggle not to fall into bed with her, not that he didn't want to do. "I told JARVIS to take me home."

Steve gave her a confused look. "Toni, this isn't your home," he replied, pushing the hair out of her face.

With a heavy sigh, Toni closed her eyes, resting her head against the chest. "You're my home, Silly."

That sentence gave Steve a pause, making his mind skip a beat, and for what seemed normal for Toni, she had left his speechless. She filled him with warmth. "Toni." This time the lethargic genius did not reply, as she was fast sleep against him, snoring lightly- something that he would have to tease her about later. A smile broke across his face, making his angry mood disappear. She could make any day better without trying, and the word 'home' echoed in his ear, which just made him smile more. "You're my home, too. More than you will ever know."

With that, Steve laid down next to her, as he removed the clothes that he could with the squid wrapped around him, refusing to let go. Feeling at home, he fell asleep missing the two pair of eyes watching them.

* * *

 **Author Note:**

Before you come after me with pitchforks, there was a reason why I didn't have Toni gave Steve an answer. I know it might sound like a Lifetime Movie or something, but it didn't feel right to have her say yes, or at least say yes right away. I feel like the Toni I created or even Canon Tony wouldn't jump into marriage, not saying she or he wouldn't be into marriage. It will just take her some time to get there.

Any way, it seems like Toni is finally seeing ghosts? Do you think she will tell Steve or lose herself down that rabbit hole? Or is Hydra going to get what they want?

Also, Infinity War is going to kill me.

That is all folks.


End file.
